I saw this over at Kevin Drum’s place.
I find it odd to realize that most men don’t observe something that is obvious to every woman I know: that there is a competitive male dynamic to groups that is completely different from the way female groups act. They don’t know, of course, because unless the group is overwhelmingly female, the dynamic of any mixed group always defaults to male, with women fading back into supporting conversational roles. Maybe it’s the kind of thing you can only observe by contrast to the extremely anti-competitive nature of female groups.
The easiest way to put it (and this is hardly original) is that men in groups are focused on their role within the group. Women in groups are focused on the group. Men gain status by standing out from the group; women gain status by submerging themselves into it — by strengthening the group, often at the expense of themselves.
I agree with Drum’s critique. By definition I never get to hang out in all female groups. I don’t really think too much about it, but when women are hanging out by themselves I suppose it is a little more Sex & the City than Entourage, although I think most people of both genders are far less superficial and sex-crazed. I agree that even a few men interjected into a group of women will tilt things into a more male-oriented group dynamic. But this idea that women are all so uncompetitive and selfless seems totally off-base to me. What do you think?
