Several years ago, when I was very far along in my pregnancy, I was presented with a choice: I could carry the pregnancy through to term or I could abort the fetus. I had just found out that the fetus had trisomy-21 or Down Syndrome and that, if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy, it had to be done within a week. It was one of the most difficult and painful weeks of my life as my husband and I struggled to understand better how Down Syndrome might not only impact our child’s life, but that of our family — my husband, myself and our two-year-old child.
We had always planned to be a two-child family, so we worried about what we might be doing by giving my daughter a sibling with Down Syndrome. We had both been close to our siblings and continued to rely on them as friends. Much as she might love her sibling, would she ever be able to share as with a peer? What would her life be like after we die if she has the primary responsibility for a sibling with a disability?
We even reconsidered whether we might have a third child. But again decided that, as stewards of our money, our time and our planet, we really only can afford two. If we went forward, her only sibling would have Down Syndrome.
Learning about the stories of families of children with Down Syndrome helped allay some of our fears and give us more realistic expectations about what such a life would entail. At another place and time, we might have chosen differently. We decided not to abort the pregnancy. We were grateful to have a choice — we chose to say, “yes.”
At some point, the dreams of all parents die. Parents of children with disabilities become aware of our children’s imperfections earlier than most. But, like all parents, our children surprise us with unexpected gifts and talents. My little girl with Down Syndrome is annoyingly difficult and charmingly easy.
I listen to the spinmeisters say that if Sarah Palin were a Democrat, she would have aborted her fetus because it had Down Syndrome. I know that I am not the only Democratic mother who has chosen otherwise.
Cross-posted at Daily Kos and Street Prophets
