I know what I want to be when I grow up. A bank. A really, really big bank with a Republican Sugar Daddy like — oh, say — this guy: Rep. Spencer Bachus

House Republicans on Wednes­day promoted Bachus to chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, which has wide juris­diction over banks, capital markets, housing, consumer credit and the overall health of the American fi­nancial system. Come January, the 62-year-old lawyer from Vestavia Hills will be in the national limelight as the new Republican majority prepares to rework the landmark Wall Street reforms passed earlier this year. […]

“In Washington, the view is that the banks are to be regulated, and my view is that Washington and the regulators are there to serve the banks,” he said.

Because in these hard times, banks need all the help they can get from the Federal Government, isn’t that right my Tea Party Friends? What? You say you didn’t vote for more bank bailouts of bigger and bigger banks? You want the banks to face the same music the rest of us poor schmucks do? You never voted for “Too Big To Fail” Republicans? Bwahahahahaha! That’s a good one. You guys and gals sure know how to tell a joke.

Or maybe your support for Republicans who are in the pockets of Wall Street, Big Oil, (remember this guy who apologized to BP because Obama was mean to them over the oil spill?) Big Health Care Insurers and anyone else with a bag of cash makes you the joke.

Just sayin, is all. Because the Republicans respect you like a Michael Vick used to respect his pit bulls before he went to prison. (Luckily for the Banksters, we don’t put people who destroy our county;s economy in jail for their crimes, eh? We just let them go out and rip off more people and governments).

When it comes to making your life easier after the fight to “Restore America” is over, well, you can go stand at the back of the line like everyone else without an “Inc.” after their name. For example, expect to be paying bigger bank fees for — everything! — if the Republicans have anything to say about it:

Republican lawmakers are trying to hobble the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

Rep. Spencer Bachus, an Alabama Republican in line to take over as chairman of the powerful House Financial Services Committee when the new Congress convenes in January, and Rep. Judy Biggert, R-Ill., are asking the inspectors general for the U.S. Treasury and Federal Reserve to investigate how the fledgling agency is being formed. […]

In their letter, Bachus and Biggert asked the IGs to specify Warren’s authority in setting up the [Consumer Financial Protection Bureau or CFPB], which officially launches in July. The Harvard law professor, who is credited with conceiving the bureau, is overseeing the process as a special adviser to Obama.

Republicans have made no secret of their plans to weaken [the Financial Reform law passed by the Democrats]. Bachus, who in July likened the law to a “government takeover of the economy,” has in addition to targeting the CFPB pledged to repeal the part of Dodd-Frank that gives regulators authority to close large financial firms. He also has signaled his intent to loosen the “Volcker rule,” which limits banks’ use of proprietary trading and their investment in private equity and hedge funds; roll back new restrictions on derivatives; and make it harder for investors to hold credit rating agencies liable. Meanwhile, other GOP lawmakers have made thinly veiled threats about reducing funding for financial regulatory agencies.

You said you wanted government out of your lives. Well, guess what? That means you get to throw the baby (i.e., the benefits of government) out with the bathwater. But hey, maybe you’ll win the lotto and not have to worry about a job, or paying for health care (if you can get any after they repeal health care reform), or being gouged by Your Friendly Multinational Mega-Bank on your credit card interest and cheated on your mortgage, etc.

Not that it matters. I’m sure in 2012 you’ll fall for the same old shit sales pitch about how the Democrats and black people and Hispanic people and Gay people and Muslims and Big Government are to blame for everything wrong in your life. You’ll fall for the tried and true attack ads that woerked this year; the ones that claimed Obama and his Black Panther Socialist Nazi Army is out to kill you, burn your house down and take away your guns, your right to practice the only true religion (Oh Jesus!) and your freedom to hate anyone Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck tell you to hate.

And when the banks come to repo your cars and foreclose on your houses (even when they don’t legally have the right to do it), when banks refuse to follow the rules and crash the economy even worse than the last time, don’t blame me. I voted for the Kenyan usurper guy.

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