Update [2011-2-9 13:34:15 by Damnit Janet]: I tried to fix some errors before running off to work. Now I can’t seem to submit it.

My apologies, this isn’t really a “diary” but a Hello.

Dear Oui & WW and Froggie Friends,

I’m alive and well.  I’m much safer and more focused nowadays.  Still beating the street and conversing with the politicians and movers-shakers.  Chased off Condi and got “this close” to Karl Rove (by accident) and got to stand up and called him what he is a “effing War Criminal”. I’ve lost a few cameras due to being “maced” which isn’t mace at all – it’s a combination of nasties.  

It’s odd, we were hassled and arrested for wearing t-shirts near “free speech zones” yet the GOP (and that’s what the teabaggers are) get away with hauling guns and rifles to health care rallies, many of which were on school grounds and they get massive media coverage.  I guess 10 Bubbas with guns at a school wanting to deny kids medicine is impressive compared to 30,000 in the street, peacefully demanding an end to illegal occupations.  But you get what you pay for, and many have been paid off and bought.  

I know that this country would riot in the street… if you took Monday Night Football off the air, yet no one really blinks an eye when attrocity after heinous attrocity occurs.  I no longer know what it will take to wake this country, this society up – but it’s not about them…

I have one mantra in life:  “What did you do once you knew?”  It helps me look my kids in the eye.  It keeps me from being complicit in my own enslavement.  It keeps me attempting to live a life of integrity, dignity, responsibility.  I could become an ExPat (still an option) but no matter where I run, there I’d be still having to walk my talk with my children.  

It’s not about politics.  Not anymore.  I don’t think it every really was political for me.  Yeah, I’m a bleeding heart liberal.  I see many Liberal Hunting bumperstickers, I hear that “Liberalism” is a disease whose only cure is a bullet throught the head. Politics is ugly, barbaric and downright brutal, bastardly business. Always has been I think.  

This is about humanity for me. Not Tweets, not recs, not tips.  I’m an activist, not an author.

What I did here and at the Big Orange was I tried to put a human face on the newbie activist.  The Mom who flew away so she could come back a better person and hopefully in a wee bit better world. I tried to share my fear, my worries, my achievements and my defeats.

Marching and protesting and infiltrating and GOTVing and coming face to face with pure evil like Rove are the easy things.  They’re nothing!  What’s hard is living your life and making the daily choices.  Cheap has a price, being a locovore and supporting sustainability is hard work, knowledge is power and empowering your self and kids with love and volunteerism is hard. I know many “progressives” who still purchase Bud Beer and support bastard stores like Wal-Mart.  I can’t.  What does shopping and cooking got to do with war? It’s all connected.  It’s all about humanity.

I came to share with others. I came to get strength. What I didn’t realize all along was that I was already strong. But I have grown up in these past few years.  I have made changes in my life and hopefully a few others.

I’ve batttled with intense anger and hopelessness issues.  I’ve had to make a will to soothe my husbands worry about whether or not I’ll return home safe after just attending a freaking Peace Rally or what some redneck might do to me as I walk to my car after work. The other day my car was vandalized.  

I’ve learned many truths that have made me question whether any society is actually a safe and sane one.  I’ve seen many things that should make me stop.  I’ve been threatened just because of my words on a screen.  I gather that Glen Beck or Fox has recently put out an American Taliban style fatwah against CodePink.  But all women who stand up for anything are not really chreished or protected in this country anymore.

I’m still with CodePink.  But that is not who I am. It’s a part of me. I am just a human.

Due to numerous ear infections (I’m now dairy free) I have serious ear injuries which causes nasty episodes of vertigo.  My job allows me FEMLA and they treat it as if it were like seizures.  Vertigo lasts for me about 8 to 10 hours on average where I’m completely incapcitated.  This, too, has brought me to a new learning curve in my journies.  I hate loss of control.  I hate feeling so vulnerable.  But I have to make some peace with it…  Vertigo is a real bitch.  But I’m in a place where I’m safe, supported and still can live sanely with it.

My son has graduated with a modified diploma and is in a wonderful program for adults with developmental disabilities.  He raises money for the Oregon Food Bank.  This year he got his Oregon ID -bittersweet as he didn’t get a driver’s license.  He was refused an ID because of a new law that states a military issued birth certificate is no longer valid.  The DMV stated that if didn’t obtain a “real” BC that they’d have to notify social security, homeland security, the school district… blah blah.  He was born in Washington State at a NAS.  I wonder if McCain had the same problems?? I didn’t just wonder though. I wrote letters and made phonecalls and empowered my son to act. He got his ID eventually and this year he voted for the first time.  On his own.  

My daughter is still quite the humanitarian hellion.  She really puts her teachers through the paces. Personally, last year was a horrendous one for me as I lost my mother due to morbid obesity and colon cancer and pancreatic cancer.  

I watched my mother die while I was being Palined and Becked to death by her family.  Hospice were wonderful and some of my mom’s relatives have actually left their church of hate due to all that took place at her deathbed and funeral.  I couldn’t fight or flee… there was another option. A hard one. I just had to keep my head up.  One of the harder things I’ve ever done.  Hold my mother’s hand as she slipped away. We also lost our dearest friend and almost every pet we had died of old age.  So… we have a new cat named Dylan who was 5 yrs old and never had a home.  Life continues.

But through these times and this blog I made many wonderful friends.  Some I’ve met and many I intend to in the future.  

I continue to make friends and make peace with myself.  I know I can’t stop the illegal occupations but I can stop the wars within myself.  I can’t stop the oppression of children and women but I can continue to progress as a citizen, as a woman, as a human being. As they take my rights away, I can still make choices.  

This year I’m working on a little patch of my yard and making a herb garden and try to make a small garden of edibles.  An Urban Homesteader who hasn’t a clue about any of it but I’ve gained several books about it and what the hell… there’s something about gardening and learning to can jam that’s somehow very basic and almost magical.  Sometimes that’s what I need, the basic and the magical.  I need a balance from the RoboCops and the pulling my hair out.  The jam may not turn out but I’ve heard that jam mistakes make great margaritas.  

I hope all continue to be safe and sound… but continue to be alert and aware… and active in their own way.  

I have to run to work now, sorry for the typos, errors and butchering of grammar and if this is bad form or meta or I’ve broken some rule.  

I had asked AndiF about a few people a while back.  I was curious how Oui, OMIRtheStoryteller and my mind is blank now… 🙂 were doing.  NancyP today alerted me of Oui’s post and …. again, I had to share.

Peace & Strength.