Some things I learned from Herman Cain’s brief presidential campaign:
1. Sim City had a 9-9-9 economic plan
2. They made Pokemon movies (with theme songs)
3. The capital of Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan is Shamalamadingdong-abad
4. You don’t have to know where Libya is or where the Taliban live in order to win over the Republican base.
5. It’s okay to make aggressive unwanted advances on your co-workers and people seeking your help, but it’s not okay to actually sleep with them if you are married.
6. If you’re black and you need a job, just call yourself a Republican and go around telling other black people that they’re brainwashed and lazy. The Republican base will swoon and the money will flow.
7. Godfather’s Pizza compares unfavorably with cardboard dipped in garbage.
8. Rick Santorum can’t even compete with a two-bit grifter in a cowboy hat.
What did you learn?
