Mitt Romney (rapper name: R Money) doesn’t understand why people are hating on his bling-bling. It worked for Notorious B.I.G. back when gangsta rap learned to serve its masters. I mean, how is the following any different from R Money’s rap?

You wanna be my main squeeze baby
Don’tcha, you wanna gimme what I need baby
Won’tcha, picture life as my wife just think
Full length mink, fat X and O links
Bracelets to match, conversation was all that
Showed you the safe combinations and all that
Guess you could say youse the one I trusted
Who would ever think that you would spread like mustard?

For you older folks, “Be thankful for what you’ve got, though you may not drive two great big Cadillacs, diamonds in the back, dog on top, diggin the scene with the gasoline…”

This is America. A man’s got a right to flaunt his money and his connections. You, too, can be R Money’s bitch.

When Romney tells us that corporations are people, that’s code for this:

Seriously, when Donald Trump is something like the national ideal, why is Romney’s act falling on deaf ears? He may not watch NASCAR but he knows many of the car owners. See, he’s high class, not low class. When did this ever become a liability?

I watched some of The Oscars last night. It was all, “Look at me!! I’m so fabulous.” On the red carpet they asked “who” not “what are you wearing?”

How is Romney out of step?

What’s that say besides I Got Mine?

Why they wanna hate a G, and steady talking down
It don’t matter, cause I’m still gon get mine
Now I’m on top of my game, and so I gotta shine
For the hood, cause I got out and got mine

All this talk about how rich he is wouldn’t be a problem if he could do it with self-confidence and style, and maybe a little swagger. But, instead, we get stuff like this:

“I purchased a gun when I was a young man. I’ve been a hunter pretty much all my life.”
(April 3, 2007)

“I’m not a big-game hunter. I’ve made that very clear. I’ve always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will. I began when I was 15 or so and I have hunted those kinds of varmints since then. More than two times.”
(April 5, 2007)

That’s like DJ Elmer Fudd. Compare that to The Donald, who has the unmitigated gall to use the O’Jays’ For the Love of Money as the theme song to his show The Apprentice.

For the love of money
People will steal from their mother
For the love of money
People will rob their own brother
For the love of money
People can’t even walk the street
Because they never know
Who in the world they’re gonna beat
For that lean, mean, mean green
Almighty dollar, money

For the love of money
People will lie, Lord, they will cheat
For the love of money
People don’t care who they hurt or beat
For the love of money
A woman will sell her precious body
For a small piece of paper
It carries a lot of weight
Call it lean, mean, mean green

Almighty dollar

Romney could be selling us the American Dream. He could be giving us Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous. Just like the record executives took gangsta rap from its original focus on drugs, poverty, and police brutality and turned it into hoes, clothes, and gold bling, Romney could promise to make us all rich. Lord knows he’s as packaged as any beer or boner advertisement. We’re all primed for the “greed is good” message. We hear it a hundred times a day.

This is America. It’s not that R Money has a losing message. He just can’t rap.

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