God, save us from conservative political columnists who write stupid, jock-fawning columns about sports. And save us from conservative political columnists who write columns claiming that they understand what motivates people they don’t agree with.

I’m a bit late to the party, but over the weekend Russ Douthat managed to do both in one wankerific contemplation of Tim Tebow’s future in New York:

Why is Tim Tebow such a fascinating and polarizing figure? Not just because he claims to be religious; that claim is commonplace among football stars and ordinary Americans alike. Rather, it’s because his conduct — kind, charitable, chaste, guileless — seems to actually vindicate his claim to be in possession of a life-altering truth.

Uh, no. Tebow is a polarizing (and repellent) figure because, unlike almost every single one of the literally thousands of other Christian professional athletes in North America, he constantly and ostentatiously draws attention to himself and his faith on the playing field. And because doing so has made him one of his sport’s biggest celebrities by appealing to other evangelical Christians, completely independent of his ability (or lack of it) on the playing field.

Tebow has become one of the game’s biggest stars – despite being so limited in his quarterback play that Hall of Fame quarterback John Elway got rid of him at the first opportunity – specifically because he rubs other people’s noses in his faith, and because his co-religionists love it. Douthat managed 800 words or so of chin-stoking about faith and virtue and scripture and how Tebow will thrive in New York, without ever mentioning any of these rather central facts.

Next fall, Tebow will be in competition for playing time with Mark Sanchez, a playboyish (and also flawed) quarterback, and there will be endless wanking about the contrast in the personal lives of the two of them. Luckily these will be mitigated by all the sober, thoughtful contemplations of the Mormon Romney and the secret Muslim Obama.

I miss journalism.

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