The Washingtoon Post headline:

Kerry sails through Senate confirmation hearing on secretary of state bid

Well…yeah. So nu? He always had it in mind that he would eventually be paid off for keeping his trap shut after the vote theft of 2004. He’s a reformed reformer, a regressed progressive, a total middle-of-the-roader and a “bend with the wind” pol.

Take a stand? Why? Things might change.

A few centrist pol classics from the above article follow. With real-world translations, of course. Read on.

His confirmation to be secretary of state virtually assured, Sen. John F. Kerry sketched a pragmatist’s view of the world Thursday, telling his Senate colleagues that the war in Syria may grind on indefinitely and that Iran may rebuff peaceful efforts to scale back its nuclear program.

“Uhhh…It’s probably gonna be just about the same. Why do you ask?”

I’m particularly aware that in many ways, the greatest challenge to America’s foreign policy will be in your hands, not mine…

“Whatever goes down…it wasn’t my fault.”

Kerry outlined no grand agenda for the next four years. The closest he got to a foreign policy mission statement was the observation that “more than ever, foreign policy is economic policy.”

“Just as it has been for 50+ years, ya dummies. Economic imperialism backed up by massive military force. You know…like my heroic stint in Vietnam? Jeez!!!”

Asked about the personal bond he once had with Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, Kerry said the hopes he once had for an opening with Syria are moot. “Sometimes there are moments where you may be able to get something done in foreign policy, and if the moment somehow doesn’t ripen correctly or get seized, you miss major opportunities,” Kerry said.

“Under the bus with that motherfucker. I got all the mileage…and profit…out of him that I could. And…if I miss anything in the future? Sometimes you miss things. That’s the way it goes. It won’t have been my fault!!! Plus…again, like Vietnam…I was just following orders.”

He has been called naive for thinking Assad might become a political reformer. Now he sounds resigned to a continuation of the bloody factional fight.

“Right now, President Assad doesn’t think he’s losing, and the opposition thinks it’s winning,” Kerry said. “That is not an equation that allows you to reach some accommodation for transition.”

“Naive?”

“Me?”

“Hell no!!!”

“I am exceedingly practical. Marry a woman for money and then drive her into a suicidal depression? Find another woman worth hundreds of times more and marry her instead??? Sure!!! What’s that you say? Divorce is not a Roman Catholic belief? And I need the Catholic vote? Oh. That’s easy. Do it anyway and then get an annulment. Poof!!! It never happened. Saaaayyyy…I wonder how well that approach will work at the State Department? Make a note, Sally!!!”

…when pressed by Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) about getting more directly involved in helping the Syrian rebels, Kerry said he needs time to understand the situation better.

Teflon.

Classic.

On Iran, he said that negotiation is the better path but that if Iran refuses to talk in a meaningful way, “we will do what we must.”

Nuclear teflon.

“Climate change is not something to be feared” in terms of the steps needed to respond to it, notably the pursuit of clean-energy technology, Kerry said. “This $6 trillion market is worth millions of American jobs . . . and we’d better go after it.”

Kerry would not say whether he would approve the Keystone XL pipeline.

“It will not be long before that comes across my desk, and at that time, I’ll make the appropriate judgments about it,” Kerry said.

“If it’s good for the environment and there’s money and/or power in it…I’m for it!!! If it’s bad for the environment and there’s money or power it in, I am still for it. Only quieter.”

Kerry has often carried difficult messages for President Obama, even if he was not a particularly close confidant during Obama’s first term. The senator has undertaken sensitive diplomatic missions for the president to Syria, Egypt, Pakistan and Afghanistan.

“I can be trusted to have no mind or will of my own…other than self-promotion, of course. Hell, man!!! Didn’t I prove that well enough in ’04!!!???”

As chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee since Vice President Biden left the Senate four years ago, Kerry has criticized Obama’s policies at times. Last year, he called the Afghan war “unsustainable” and said the president should speed up the withdrawal of U.S. troops — a recommendation the administration appears on the verge of adopting. In 2011, he called for U.S. intervention in Libya before Obama decided to do so.

“I also read tea leaves very well.”

As Kerry finished his opening remarks, a woman shouted from the rear of the hearing room: “I’m tired of my friends in the Middle East dying!”

Kerry told Sen. Robert Menendez (D-N.J.), who was presiding over the hearing, that he respects the woman’s opinion and her right to voice it. He recalled that he once testified before Congress as a war protester. “People measure what we do,” Kerry said. “In a way, that’s a good exclamation point to my testimony.”

“Yeah…but not enough to do anything but mutter platitudes when the tasers come out. I ain’t gonna risk my hard-compromised-for position!!!”

Watch the whole thing below. The “Don’t tase me, bro’!!!” clip. I dare ya. Listen to the tone of Kerry’s voice. Like he’s commenting on a sailboat race that is being run on a particularly dull day. If all of the above wasn’t enough, this video is plentiful evidence of where he really stands. A lackluster, gold-digging pol who takes no chances whatsoever.

A parable regarding our “positions” in the Islamic world. Mumble, mumble, mumble while the tasers come out and the drones are deployed. Then go continue to climb the PermaGov ladder.

He’s perfect for the job.

Shame on us all.

AG

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