Matthew Warren was the 27 year-old son of famous evangelical minister Rick Warren, known for his invocation at the 2009 Obama Inauguration, his best selling book “The Purpose Driven Life,” his antipathy toward LGBT people and his support of the anti-LGBT rights movement. Matthew died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound Friday at his home. According to a statement released by the family, Matthew had suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts for some time, and had received unspecified treatment for his struggles with mental illness.
First, my deepest condolences to the Warren family. No parent should have to suffer the loss of their child, and the death of a child by suicide is particularly hard for many families to bear. All too often, we read about young people taking their lives to the point that many in our society have become numb to the pain these individuals suffered every day. Anyone who has lived with a person, or been a caretaker for a person with anxiety, depression, or other mental disorders knows too well that pain is real and debilitating. I don’t agree with Rick Warren’s views, but I do feel empathy for the the pain he must be feeling right now over the death of his son. I’ve come close to losing people whom I cared deeply about to suicide.
I don’t know if any good can come out of such tragedy, but I hope that, after reflection on the true teachings of Jesus and much soul searching, Rick Warren decides to reassess his intolerant views regarding gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals and the transgendered. Many of them suffer under the burden of societal animus, an animus fueled by many popular evangelical Christian preachers such as Rick Warren. Many of LGBT youth commit suicide after long periods of bullying and often abandonment by their own family members. The pain they feel – is it so different than the pain your own son felt before he died, Mr. Warren?
Perhaps I am hoping for too much. It is not easy to change the habits of a lifetime. Still, what better memorial to Matthew Warren’s life could there be than for his father to support the people he previously disavowed and despised, to finally preach that they too are God’s children? You have asked for us to pray for you and your family, Mr. Warren. Very well. My prayer is that you find a way through your grief over the loss of your son, and that in doing so, you use your position of influence in the evangelical community to turn away from hatred and intolerance and come out in support of LGBT individuals, the rights and their lives. Your family statement says that Matthew was …
“an incredibly kind, gentle, and compassionate man. He had a brilliant intellect and a gift for sensing who was most in pain or most uncomfortable in a room.”
I have no reason to doubt that assessment of Matthew’s character, despite the demons he fought against during his far too short life and which ultimately led to his decision to kill himself. I only ask that you, Mr. Warren, consider whether Matthew would have wanted his father to continue your anti-gay ministry, or whether, out of compassion for LGBT people who have suffered so much, Matthew would want his father’s heart to change, and for you to publicly recant all your former hateful opinions and statements about LGBT people. I ask you to ponder whether Matthew would want you to keep your grief to yourself, or, instead, to use it as a positive force to help others. At least consider the possibility that he would want you to fully accept that all men and women are brothers and sisters and that everyone is deserving of love and respect regardless of their sexual orientation. To have you preach love and inclusion, instead of preaching bigotry and hatred.
That is my prayer for you. That is my prayer for you. May God give you the strength in the days to come to see past your grief and accept the power of love, not just for those who are like you, those who believe as you do, but for everyone.
Well said, Booman.
My youngest son had a friend in high school who was also troubled, and no one read the signs. One day my son came out after school, looking like he’d been hit by a train. “Ryan’s dead, Mom. He killed himself.”
We spent a lot of time talking about it because he and Ryan shared a lot of interests and were both sensitive, perfectionist kids. I made him promise that no matter how bad things could ever get, that he should never take action without telling me what he was thinking.
Ryan got his mother’s handgun and shot himself in the head. She found him. I can’t think of anything worse for a parent to go through.
It doesn’t matter if I like or dislike Rick Warren. No one knows his pain nor what he’s thinking now. I hope his family will rely on what they know best to get through this tragedy and I hope they find peace somehow.
Credit where due: the piece was by Steven. Very well said indeed. I don’t know that I could summon up the good wishes that Steven does, but am deeply grateful that there are still those who can see past the person and into the universal humanity.
Oh, pardon me! Good post, Steven!
I’m missing something: was Matthew gay or did he ever express any views in favor of gay rights? Yes, we should all hope that Rick Warren learns from this experience to have some compassion for any who are driven to suicide including those of the LGBT community. But unless Matthew espoused some views on the matter, I’m afraid that’s going to be too big of a jump for Rick Warren.
Maybe and I don’t deny that.
Jeez, I’d hope if the kid was gay the minister would be able to figure out the message on his own! As is, it would be a good thing for him to see the post: you’re not easy on him, but you are compassionate.
I expect, after reflection and grieving, Warren will in some form put energy toward more adequate funding and treatment (and loss of social stigma) for mental illness. And if he does, good on him. All too often, evangelicals and other cultural conservatives – like Sen. Portman – only find empathy on an issue when it affects them or their nuclear family directly, but I would nonetheless cheer any good that comes out of such a tragedy.
But unless Ryan was gay and that was a factor in his death, I can’t imagine Rick Warren making such a leap. The New Testament is full of wonderful stories, ideas, and prescriptions for how we should treat others – as are the holy writings of all major religions. And without fail, those teachings get lost in the institutional structure of such religions, which tend to become successful because they’re useful to those in power and their teachings can be used to justify or forgive any behavior imaginable.
That’s been the story of human history since organized religions began, and it’s why I’m so hostile to them even though I’m sympathetic to many of their teachings. People like Warren are successful precisely because they don’t preach empathy for all. If history is any guide, it would take a lot more than the death of a son to get Warren to reexamine his more intolerant public stances – or the privileges and wealth they have helped bring him.
Maybe he might even become an advocate for reasonable gun control.
Stranger things have happened. After all, if his troubled son hadn’t had access to a gun his attempted suicide would have been less likely to succeed.
Sadly, Warren’s private compassion for his son did not seem to take a front row seat publicly. Perhaps I’m wrong and Warren’s public personna did include openly supporting and educating his followers about mental illness and the struggle his son underwent. But I’m not seeing that side being portrayed in the articles this weekend.
I’ve read that his son was a sensitive and compassionate young man; able to sense someone in pain in a group and seek them out to help them.
Too bad Warren himself didn’t acknowledge his son’s strength or gift. It was something that came from the heart and had to have been a source of pride and yet he didn’t give his son a public nod.
For these reasons, it would seem that Warren will not acknowledge the strength of tolerance or celebrate the gift of diversity that challenged his son’s life. Truly sad.
A very sad and tragic loss for his family. As a fellow human being, I grieve with them. Speaking from experience, when mental illness touches a family in a dramatic way, it will often alter you forever.
And what makes it all the more sad is that it sounds like Warren’s son exhibited a lot more of the “Christ-like” character than most Christians, his father included. I hope a little introspection is in order for Mr. Warren. It would be the best gift he could give to his son’s memory.
I send my condolences for Mr. Warren and his wife. It’s difficult to deal with an adult child who is not doing well. I have several, and it is wearying.
At the same time, this is a dead kid who killed himself, not a social point.
A beautiful and deeply compassionate post, Steven.
I have no reason to doubt that assessment of Matthew’s character, despite the demons he fought against during his far too short life and which ultimately led to his decision to kill himself. I only ask that you, Mr. Warren, consider whether Matthew would have wanted his father to continue your anti-gay ministry, or whether, out of compassion for LGBT people who have suffered so much, Matthew would want his father’s heart to change, and for you to publicly recant all your former hateful opinions and statements about LGBT people. I ask you to ponder whether Matthew would want you to keep your grief to yourself, or, instead, to use it as a positive force to help others. At least consider the possibility that he would want you to fully accept that all men and women are brothers and sisters and that everyone is deserving of love and respect regardless of their sexual orientation. To have you preach love and inclusion, instead of preaching bigotry and hatred.
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