I probably cannot put into words how I feel about the death of James Gandolfini at the age of fifty-one. He was exactly eight years older than me, and also born and raised in New Jersey. It’s not his role as Tony Soprano that drew me to him. It was his Jersey-Boy status. You either know what this means or you don’t, but it can’t be explained. My great great grandfather on my mother’s side probably had more in common with Gandolfini’s father than anyone else in my family. He came over from Italy and settled in Hoboken. He raised his son to be a doctor. Gandolfini became an accomplished actor.
There is nothing romantic about organized crime in Northern New Jersey, but the genius of The Sopranos was its ability to mesh ordinary day-to-day life in the Jersey suburbs with the life of mobsters. Being a crime boss didn’t exempt you from disciplinary problems at school or having to get your son to football practice.
It was the ordinary stuff that I found most compelling because it was a show that was at least in part about raising a family in New Jersey. And no one needed to tell Gandolfini how to play that part because he had lived it.
As with Springsteen, Gandolfini’s work had a universal appeal, but it sprang from a unique experience in place and time that spoke uniquely to me.
It feels like losing a brother, but also like losing an ambassador who helped explain a unique people, however imperfectly, to the country at large. He was a giant talent.
His passing hit me harder than most celebrities’ deaths do, I think mostly for the same reason it did for you. I’m not an Italian north New Jerseyan but my former in-law family is, and Tony and Carmela really hit the mark with so many of their characteristics. The in-laws came here shortly after WWII so were of a different generation, but the gold jewelry, the loud family arguments, the “parm”, etc. all felt so familiar.
Gandolfini played the Jersey-Boy to a T, but he was an extraordinarily gifted actor — his talent evident by the range of roles he played so well.
A tribute I found particularly moving:
http://www.vulture.com/2013/06/james-gandolfini-obit-matt-zoller-seitz.html
A lot of what I saw on the Sopranos seemed familiar to me from visiting my relatives in northeastern Pennsylvania (Wilkes-Barre). Not Italian Catholics but Slavic Catholics. I remember being surprised at the concentration of Slavic names in the phone book there.
This has been hard.
He was the right actor for the right role and took it to a whole other level.
I’ve been broken-hearted all day. It’s hard to lose somebody you love, especially an artist who has helped define your world.
May we meet again, Jim.
My first wife was from an Italian family on the south shore of Long Island. It was a town called Valley Stream, with many ties to Mafia families that were more settled in Brooklyn. A few of the big shots had built large homes — mansions — on a few lots in ordinary neighborhoods next to ordinary homes. They must have had connections to get zoning laws changed.
There were many links between my ex’s family and such folks. In fact, my sister-in-law married a sort of junior hit man for a few years. When they dated, she was wined and dined. At one point he gave her a huge pendant with her name spelled out in big gold letters inlaid with diamond chips.
He was actually a nice guy; someone who got out of the mob eventually. When I knew him, he would talk of buying a gas station. He was just a kid then. As he matured, I think he realized working as a goon wasn’t in line with his values. I don’t think he ever killed anyone. His job was to intimidate people. He would do things like “accidentally” backing up a garbage truck through a store’s plate glass window. When he was younger, he would be sent out to wax someone’s yacht. One time he saw John Gotti and some other men approaching. They said something like, “Hey kid — get out of here” and he scrambled away. That was as close as he got to the people in charge.
I asked what was the worst thing he ever saw. He told me he was in the room when they hacked off some guy’s finger. He turned away because he didn’t want to see it, so he just heard the screams.
I can see where, growing up in that culture, one could get sucked in. Being in the mob was, to those folks, a good thing. It was like being in a family. One that would take care of you and, even if you messed up and they knocked you off, would still take care of your wife and kids. My ex-father-in-law didn’t like me, in part because I couldn’t support his daughter anywhere near as well as this other fella could support his other daughter. I got no points for earning my money honestly. From where he stood, that just made me a sap.
Alas, that’s just an interesting side note to the death of this actor. As someone who did quite a bit of amateur acting, I have tremendous respect for anyone who manages to make a living in such a difficult and demanding profession. That Gandolfini not only made a living but a very good one is probably the most significant accolade the man could earn. Was he a “great” actor? In my opinion, no. But he was a skilled craftsman and someone willing to put in the many years of hard work that allowed him to be in the right place at the right time when he got lucky and was selected to star in what became a hit show.
I chose not to try to act professionally because it’s so much easier to make a living doing something else. I didn’t want my love of this art to be tarnished by the constant rejection and the fact that, as an aspiring professional, you essentially have to take any role you get. I much preferred to go to law school and become a lawyer, a field in which I don’t have to be phenomenally talented or lucky or hard working to make a living.
Fifty one is a young age at which to die. I just turned fifty and don’t feel anywhere near ready to call it quits. Still, Gandolfini was very lucky to have hit it so big. Ten years of stardom in return for a shortened life is a deal many actors would cut, particularly if they didn’t have to be aware the end was approaching. I’ve no doubt he led an adventurous and very full life, packing a lot of experience into his half century on the planet.
Interesting silence here on the other untimely and much younger death this week.
The reporter?
I didn’t know him. I had read his McCrystal piece, but I can’t remember anything else. I don’t comment on the death of people who I don’t know because I have nothing to say.
Well, at least you’re honest. An actor famous for a long-running TV role as a criminal well known and important. A young journalist that took down a four star general unknown.
I’m a lifelong Jersey resident who lived in “Sopranoland” (Lundhurst in Bergen County) when the Sopranos first aired. Remarkably, while “Tony” was cavorting with “Irina” on the small screen, I also had a gen-u-ine and and irresistibly exotic Russian immigrant girlfriend (now my wife, thank you), so my immersion in the time, place and people of that decade made my identification with Gandolfini’s anti-hero nearly complete. (“Nearly” because my life as a corporate lawyer then wasn’t exactly Tony’s “line of work.”)
There’s no doubt that “The Sopranos” totally captured the Northern New Jersey during that turn-of-the-century era. If you were living a kind of parallel life there like I was, you felt it in your bones.
I certainly grew to love Gandolfini’s portrayal of Tony, and to marvel at the immense talent the man had. I was equally impressed by the glimpses of the real person behind the actor that I saw in the HBO series where he interviewed severely wounded vets from Iraq and Afghanistan.
My shock and sadness at Gandolfini’s untimely death is, I think, even greater that Booman’s, because at age 63 I can only think of the twelve extra years that I’ve had, which are now denied to him. It is such a shame that he’s gone!
My heart goes out to his family, friends and fans who in very different degrees have all lost someone special in our lives.
Oops, that’s “Lyndhurst” not “Lundhurst.”
You didn’t own a racehorse, did you?
No. Can’t say I owned a huge powerboat either. The Russian lady was parallel enough for me!
I’m from Columbus, Ohio originally so I guess I would feel the same nostalgia about a major show that was based in my hometown or state. But in reality, every day life in Jersey is probably not all that different from where I grew up. There were good and bad parts of the city. Little league football in the winter and city swimming pools in the Summer. Luckily I have been able to raise my children in Ft Lauderdale Florida, where I’ve lived for over fourteen years but every day still feels like living in paradise to me. That said, Sopranos was and is one of my all time favorite shows. RIP James G.