Before this “Modern Whig” party catches fire and takes off, I feel like seizing the initiative and writing the first principles and platform. This can be my path to global domination.
And, why not? The first elected leader is right over in Philadelphia. That’s where newfangled American political ideas are supposed to be born. I’m thinking that the Modern Whig Party will stand for statehood for Puerto Rico and Washington DC, but we will oppose the expansion of voter suppression into those territories. Anyone fires on Fort Dix or Battery Park, it’s time to get serious about stamping this Tea Party foolishness out.
The Modern Whig Party will also support massive infrastructure projects, but with fewer canals. All sidewalks will be expanded so that three people can walk comfortably abreast. Running a for-profit prison will be considered a crime. Also, whining will be strongly discouraged.
It’s a work in progress, but it’s only a matter of time before the people get behind us.
