Lately, my frustration level has been pegged at eleven much of the time, and I quit drinking, don’t want to fire any guns, and have no plans to start beating the smaller people in my family.
What should I do?
About The Author
BooMan
Martin Longman a contributing editor at the Washington Monthly. He is also the founder of Booman Tribune and Progress Pond. He has a degree in philosophy from Western Michigan University.
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Put up a punching bag; picture your bete noirs on it as you pound away. Guaranteed to get out your inner demons and give you a good workout at the same time.
Recommend blowing up a photo of Cheney and putting it on the punching bag.
There is research suggesting that for at least some people, responding to stress with a quick burst of activity from taking their aggression out on something, leads to a perverse reward cycle.
It feels good, so you start getting yourself stressed just so you can do that.
More research needs to be done, etc, but it might be better to just get regular exercise, and make a habit of punching the Cheney punching bag every day at the same time.
For something to punch, I make bread. Not so rough on the hands and what smells better than bread baking?
That’s what I did (futon around a basement post, actually) and it’s been hella cathartic.
Classical music. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane. Learn it, study it, live it. Revel in the beauty of the sound. Sing.
If you don’t like classical music… start with this:
Watch every instrument and every movement of conductor. Don’t just listen… watch it.
I love this video. Maurice Ravel: Bolero
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZDiaRZy0Ak
I was going to say to learn an instrument. If you’ve learned an instrument then express yourself writing songs.
Well, unlike you I have doubled down on the drinking. And it’s too cold and damp outside to go shooting. So playing music fills some of the void. Other than that, I don’t know what to tell you. Wife and I stopped to get a pizza last night before doing some Christmas shopping. 5 TV’s in the place and they were all on Fox News. Sometimes it feels like I’m walking around wearing a heavy full length overcoat that is saturated with water. The weight of just existing in this kind of bubble is intensely wearisome at times.
Yup, resume drinking was going to be my suggestion as well. Though in the spirit of this being a classical music related reply, listening to classical music and reading a good escapist book (whilst drinking) is my typical path back to feeling at peace with the world.
i know the wet overcoat feeling. that’s how it feels when i’m depressed.
Drinking only makes it worse.
Actually, I don’t really drink when I’m feeling depressed. If I’m depressed, either getting out into nature or immersing myself in playing music seems to be the go-to fix for me. It kind of purges my mind and more easily allows me to go to my happy place.
Both of the two comments above are good. May I also suggest two other options. If you are feeling angry go for a walk to calm down, while listening to classical music. According to studies you may calm down after an hour or so. Just remember if the person that you were angry with is still angry when you get home it is safer for all to leave and allow them more time to cool down. Better yet call home and see if they are calm before heading back home.
When home sit down and start a diary of what happen and focusing on your feelings and reason you got so angry.
If you need to just vent contact me and I will send you my email address and you can bang away your anger. After all, all I am going to do is trash it, without reading it unless in the title you put please read.
Try any and all options but recognize when you are starting to build up your body will give you a clear message.
Hope this helps.
I recommend self-loathing.
I would suggest you smoke a bowl, but you live in penciltucky. Bummer for you, Boo.
Just laugh uproariously.
They’ll work every time. Three weeks later, you’re a new man. Or woman or whatever.
Only…the media addiction is too strong for most people.
Too bad.
Fret on…
AG
If you figure it out, don’t forget to share. I’m in for all I can afford.
Movies. Lots of old, and incredibly crappy ones, are on Youtube.
2014 hasn’t been a good year for movies. At least not for those not into sci-fi/action-adventure. A few of those recently released, that I have yet to see, have been getting decent reviews; so, the year may not be a total write-off.
I’m turning into a curmudgeon. I haven’t liked a movie since the turn of the century.
Have you seen any?
There were a couple of what I describe as “just for fun” movies this year: “The Monuments Men” (better than the poor reviews suggest, but I’m a sucker for movies where it’s obvious that the actors are enjoying working together. It also has a few beautifully crafted scenes.) and “The Hundred-foot Journey.” (Neither as much fun as “The First Class Marigold Hotel” from a couple of years ago.) “Caesar Chavez” wasn’t bad. Other than those three, I saw a slew of turkeys this year.
From last year, have yet to decide which is better: “Inside Llewyn Davis” or “Blue Jasmine.” Both of which may not lose too much on a small screen.
Never heard of those, just the blockbusters they advertise on TV which seem like shallow junk. I think I saw a few made for television movies that I think I liked. For the most part, today’s movies are technically awesome but shallow in concept and execution. Comparing these to classics from the ’40s ’50s ’60s the early ’70s and even some from the ’80s and ’90s are like comparing McDonald’s burgers to a good steak. Granted, I haven’t seen the movies you cited.
I pretty much feel the same about television. TV is probably the most curmudgeonly. Today’s shows seem to be about twenty something and thirty something characters with incomprehensible motives. I confess to enjoying “Two and a Half Men”. It’s coarse and crude but as uproariously funny as a locker room joke, which it pretty much is. Sorry for the low taste.
The “blockbusters” are mostly junk. But so were most movies in any decade. Perhaps one difference is that a higher percentage of big budget movies today are created for teenagers and more oriented towards males than females. Mostly highly derivative and not just because so many are sequels.
Out of curiosity, pulled up the 2013 movie domestic gross listing. I did see #1 and #3, and loathed both. “Gravity” is so visually stunning on a big screen that overlooking all the other shortcomings is easy. #8 and #10 blech (although my sister did enjoy the “Oz” one). #15 fun and #16 a few fun moments. Don’t have much good to say about “American Hustle” and it’s worse than “The Great Gatsby” which is barely tolerable. #27 isn’t bad, but #28 is and the only redeeming feature of #29 is a wonderful performance by Forrest Whitaker.
#32 is boring but Tom Hanks is good. #37, “42” is first rate (would have been better if Harrison Ford had toned it down a bit). “Elysium” and “The Lone Ranger” boring crap with good production values. “Saving Mr. Banks” has some redeeming features (mostly the actors). #58 is interesting. #60 is dreadful, but worse than that, guarantees that the charming little story won’t ever get made into a fun. “Philomena” is a fine movie. And one of my top picks for last year, “Rush,” is way down at #96 and unfortunately, will lose a lot on a small screen. #108 “The Book Thief” is quite good. And the beautifully crafted and acted “Inside Llewyn Davis” ended up way down at #127.
Another one — #154 “20 Feet From Stardom” is a documentary that I only wished was about an hour longer. (Skipped through a few more that ranged from dreadful to mildly entertaining.)
wrt “Two and a Half Men,” (during the Sheen days) my sister claims that it appeals most to older, misogynist, Republican men. (She’s married to one; so, it’s in familiar territory for her.)
“my sister claims that it appeals most to older, misogynist, Republican men.” – Ouch!
My wife laughs at this too, but not at the same spots as I!
Added “Monuments Men” to my Netflix queue. I see that Bill Murray’s in it. Netflix only guesses a 3.6 for me, but I’ll see what it’s like. Thanks for the recommendation. I’ll check out the other flicks too.
Bill Murray hits the right notes in one of my favorite scenes in the movie.
Another mostly overlooked gem (IMHO) that Murray was in is “Moonrise Kingdom.”
If you haven’t already seen it, put “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” on your list.
Thanks again!
Report back if you enjoy or dislike any I’ve recommended. There may be a few that I didn’t enjoy because they aren’t my cup of tea but they aren’t bad.
Meditate.
Sure, sure, it’s wacky, new-agey stuff, but it also reduces blood pressure, and is used successfully in MBSR to treat anxiety.
And it is cheap.
And it trains you to set your focus on what you want to, rather than all the things swirling about you. Focusing on your breath, or the movement of branches or whatever for 10 minutes a day is like a mental version of physical therapy. It’s like moving your knee in the right way, over and over, training it to bend in a way that doesn’t hurt you.
If have to second Gus’ suggestion. It is not as easy as it looks but once you “get it” you always have a place you to go.
Jeez, I took up blogging for something like that, but maybe it’s not effective when you give up your amateur status. Everybody’s talking about listening to music but I’d advise playing it. Even if you need to learn from the top. When you’re not a kid any more practicing becomes more possible, and every session is a practical exercise in overcoming intense frustration (I can’t do it–yes I can).
excellent suggestion, playing music. – singing lessons also good.
Good question, hope we can help.
re: classical music,
Here’s what I’ve been listening to for maintaining calm these days.
I highly recommend escapist reading (print form because looking at screen keeps one awake, print is relaxing -something about beta waves). I set aside time to tune everything out except the low stress text of choice – I’m on low stress mysteries right now. Tried to venture into Dickens last week but it had too much realism, wasn’t an antidote.
I love Bach. Thanks.
I like that this performance is filmed in a very nice way [as well as played in a very nice way]
Work in wood.
You don’t need a lot of equipment … start with a very sharp knife and a tree branch.
You can make stuff or destroy stuff. Your choice.
Also it’s good practice if one takes up my suggestion about grafting trees (or grapes or roses).
Kicking ass in Tigris and Euphrates always calms my nerves.
Breath exercises are simple, free, and can be done anywhere. Worth a shot. http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html
Put a dish of dry cat food in your garage, or some other place that is semi-secured from the outdoors — and where your own animals can’t get to it, of course.
Try to catch, kill, maim, terrify, discourage, or even get the full attention of, the resulting raccoons.
This will consume every microgram of excess physical or mental energy that you may choose to invest in it. And you don’t have to worry about doing anything you might regret, because you will never lay a scratch on any of the raccoons, no matter what type of weapon you use. Collateral damage to your infrastructure is a distinct possibility, though.
Write.
If only.
That’s part of the problem.
I usually rely on running, theclassicalstation dot org, reading escapist fiction, and taking breaks from the internet. Breathe. Eat your greens. Get extra sleep. There’s also that solstice energy rattling around telling the human body to slow down. Some people feel extra cranky and out of sorts before solstices and such, so maybe that’s you. In any case, treat yourself extra nicely this weekend. My 4 cents.
Hang out with your son. 🙂
Go for a walk, (don’t wear a hoodie) smile and wave at the police. If you don’t feel better, at least you’ll be tired enough to take a nap. Don’t watch any news on TV. Don’t use any social media, focus on your family, and when alone (like on your walk), swear a lot!
Run.
I had one of those moments last nite — I punched my 7-inch Samsung Galaxy Tablet once, twice — nice big cracks. Took it to a repair place today – $109 and will be as good as new.
If you have an old device around (no longer in use) — just bring it out and sort of “throw it” against the wall – a couple of times. Or slam it on the table. That might do the trick.
medidation. seriously, that shit works.
Grow stuff from seeds; get dirt on your hands; marvel at the wondrous mysteries and tragedies of nature from the vantage point of a potting shed or shade-house. Be master of all you survey; learn the knack from your charges of leaning towards the light and embracing the Earth.
I dunno, Shaun; when growing green stuff goes well, it’s just as fulfilling and calming as you say, but when it goes wrong and you’re staring helplessly at rows of wilting, scraggly caricatures of the robust plants you had in mind, contemplating brown-tinged, ragged pathetic gnome-plants where mighty green giants ought to be, well, that doesn’t do much for the whole master of all you survey gig, now, does it?
Plus Boo’s in a state entering its winter hibernation right now; not the best of times to be trying to begin his green thumb avocation.
hibernation, I believe that may also be a euphemism for what my tree-twigs are doing instead of growing in their pots
A great time to read catalogs and plan for next Spring.
Personally, I like grafting tree. Growing ripe, sometimes organic food is fun and healthy. When you grow your own you are not limited to varieties that can be mechanically harvested. This goes for tomatoes and peppers too. These are also things to share with your kids or grandkids. They LOVE doing things like planting a tomato seed and watering it and watching it grow. Wherever you are, I’m sure there is someone teaching it. Anyone interested, just reply with a city and state. I’ll search for someone near you.
fascinating, thanks. will give it some thought now.
does the grafting create a new kind of apple, for example, or is it just a Red Delicious growing on a MacIntosh trunk?
Grows the same (scion) on a different base (rootstock). Here’s everything you always wanted to know about grafting:
http://content.ces.ncsu.edu/grafting-and-budding-nursery-crop-plants/
thanks!!
Yoga.
Frustration comes to me when I’m not properly managing my expectations. Frustration is a function something happening that I didn’t want to happen. Learning how to accept what’s going on around me instead of getting frustrated because what is going on isn’t what I want. The one thing I can control is how I respond to what happens. If I’ve properly managed my expectations, I have a clearer path to acceptance.
You know, plus I do yoga every day. Breathing is so key. Hope you find a way to feel better, BooMan.
Play a sport. One that works up a sweat.
When I get frustrated/depressed about current events, I read political history–especially the Civil War era. Makes today’s crazies look semi-normal.
“What should I do?”
Booman, I’ve been reading your blog for quite a spell now.
I’m tempted to think that I know you but, of course, I don’t.
I know a few things about you.
-You are a passionate guy.
-You write exceptionally well.
-Your analytical skills are often so damn good that I come here with the same kind of enthusiasm I’ve enjoyed going to the lectures of professors I cherished because I knew I was gonna truly learn some thing, that I was going to be made smarter.
You got some serious skills dude.
I respect you, like you, and I’m right damn glad you made the effort to carve out this progressive community. Thank you.
But I don’t know you.
Therefore my reply to your serious question is more general rather than personal. You likely know all this so it isn’t advice but perhaps a useful reminder…
You say you are frustrated. Sounds like you mean you are irritated, perhaps feeling more irritable – and frustrated with being irritated, perhaps distressed with yourself for being susceptible to becoming irritable.
Great! you deserve credit for noticing and caring about this.
A lot of folks who drink (too much), blow shit up (in fury and anger), and hurt people who are vulnerable do those things without a second (or a first) thought about it.
While I sure don’t disagree with the idea of taking yourself to a different state of mind via yoga, meditation, music, and such – nor do I have any argument with directing angst towards a punching bag, or whittling furiously – it is nicer to engage with any of these things with some cheerfulness and also knowing that you’ll be successful.
So first; figure out where you are at now (who you really are now – admittedly this can be challenging).
Next; figure out where you want your state of mind to be (who you really want to be).
Then; determine what it will require to get from here to there, and then do what you decided needs to be done.
Yoga, whittling, running, meditating …these are all potential tools to get from ‘here to there.’
All you’ve got to do is get an honest picture of who you are, and who you want to be.
Simple isn’t necessarily easy, but it is simple.
…and there’s no reason one can’t enjoy the task, or be amused by the effort.
Cheers.
I like this comment. Sometimes in work related situations, the emotions aren’t really from what they appear to be i.e. could be residual anger and frustration from previous years of work stress before a real gig and recognition. For that reason I’m in the camp of learning to separate out the emotions and keep work focus on task at hand. – this applies to work, not relationships with family and loved ones.
Primal Scream…For me, I go outside and go to the large tree in my back yard and scream as loud as I can…I hate All Fucking Republicans…truth is, it doesn’t so much relieve the stress, as it keeps the fucking winger neighbors away from me…
Cannabis, good music, and spend time writing.
Clear your head.