I should probably put all the rumors to rest and just tell you that Vladimir Putin is not dead. In fact, he’s currently cleaning my basement. I wouldn’t be telling you this, but I started to feel sorry for the Kremlin’s spokesman.
Asked to confirm that the president was in good health, Putin’s spokesman Dmitry Peskov said: “Yes. We’ve already said this a hundred times. This isn’t funny any more.”
Poor Dmitry.
If only his boss would just hold up a newspaper with today’s date on it, he wouldn’t have to put up with all this satire.
Once Vlad gets done sorting out the broken children’s toys down there and dry vaccing the dusty corners, I’ll have him call y’all on Skype.
