Here’s an exercise. Tell me your answers to following questions. Which Republican presidential candidate:
1. is the funniest.
2. is the smartest.
3. seems like the most decent person.
4. would you drink a beer with (if you had to).
5. is the most gifted politician?
Here are my answers:
1. In the past, I would have said Huckabee but his sense of humor has curdled. None of these people are remotely funny, although Christie and Trump have their moments. I’m going with the Jersey guy over the New Yorker.
2. Hard to argue against the neurosurgeon Ben Carson, that is, until you ask him about anything other than brains. Jeb is definitely the most conversant about policy.
3. We have to get down in the weeds here but it’s probably a tie between Jim Gilmore and George Pataki. Since Pataki has a more natural smile, I’ll go with him.
4. This is pretty easy. I’d drink with Christie. We’d talk about Springsteen and growing up in Jersey, and we’d hit the snacks hard.
5. Apparently, it’s Trump.
Now for the opposite.
1. The least funny is Ted Cruz.
2. The dumbest is Rick Perry.
3. The worst person is Ted Cruz.
4. I’d least like to drink with Ted Cruz.
5. The least gifted politician is apparently Lindsey Graham, although I could go with Rick Perry or possibly even (remains to be seen) Jeb!
What surprised me about my answers?
As a current Pennsylvanian, I’m amazed that there are people worse than Rick Santorum in every category.
And the opposites:
I’m a native Texan, and I won’t argue too much with you about Cruz and Perry.
I can go with those answers except for saying Trump is the stupidest. He’s not stupid at all.
Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that he’s playing dumb.
Jesus Christ, Pataki? No.
OK, maybe given that he’s up against execrable human beings who want to harm everyone who isn’t white and privileged.
Having lived in NY state for most of his administration, I can tell you that, among other things, he did some real damage to higher ed.
Maybe others will disagree, but I think the only thing holding him back from doing some nasty shit was that NY has too many Dems (mostly crooks, but our crooks) in the legislature.
It often feels like Albany is a hatchery for crooks.
Opposites:
I see you and I are 80% (I couldn’t find room for Jindal anywhere). I’m proud of this.
I’m sure I couldn’t control my gag reflex if forced to have a beer with Jindal.
wrt Perry getting elected Governor — affable and dumb (with good hair and boots) is just fine with Texans who know that their Governor doesn’t have to do much and has almost no power but to sign death warrants.
Opposites:
His Hairness is definitely the funniest.
1. is the funniest.
All of their supported policies are jokes so they are all funny.
2. is the smartest.
Benson unless he has a boot full of urine and needs to pour it out. Then he would need directions on it for it was not Brain related.
3. seems like the most decent person.
All of them fall way behind Attila the Hun in decency.
4. would you drink a beer with (if you had to).
I am Irish and am very selective who I drink with, thus I would choose the janitor that cleans up the areas after these people speak.
5. is the most gifted politician?
All of them are very well versed in blarney, but Cruz is the winner for he is full of it for sure.
1. funniest: Trump by a mile – the guy could be a stand-up comedian – in fact, I’m still not convinced that he’s running a Colbert Report game on us.
least funny: all the others except huckabee – this is the most humorless crowd I’ve ever seen
2. smartest: you’ve got me on that one
dumbest: rubio (is he still running?)
3. best person: I only say gilmore and pataki because I don’t know them
worst person: cruz and christie tied
least gifted: Jeb, Rubio, Jindal, Graham … my god, these guys are just atrociously bad – they make Mittens seem like Teddy Roosevelt.
I’d have a beer, or three, with Trump. I bet he has lots of interesting stories about his fellow elites.
1. is the funniest.
Graham. But not in the “ha ha” sense.
2. is the smartest.
Carson, when he’s not playing dumb.
3. seems like the most decent person.
Fiorina. Probably killed fewer than the others.
4. would you drink a beer with (if you had to).
Perry.
5. is the most gifted politician?
Depends. If you mean ‘gifted politician like Teddy Roosevelt’, then maybe Rubio. If you mean ‘gifted politician like Benito Mussolini’, definitely Trump.
1. is the funniest. Trump by a landslide. Maybe not always on purpose, but the guy is hilarious.
Agreed that least funny is Cruz – he’s so crazy he can’t even be unintentionally hilarious.
2. is the smartest. All around, I’d say Kasich. Cruz and Carson might have the most raw brainpower, but they are total fucking morons in all but a handful of ways.
Agreed that dumbest is Perry, though Scottie Walker is making a run for that title.
I’m amazed that there are people worse than Rick Santorum in every category.
WHAT IDIOT is considered to have a Brilliant 13th Century mind??
OK just for fun, before I look at everybody else’s:
And the other way around
Afterthought:
Boo offered “What surprised me about my answers”. What I notice about mine is a pattern, not that surprising, but maybe interesting: asked to think of something I like about some Republicans, I think of those who are most dishonest in a specific way, of pretending to be a different person than they really are–Trump, Graham, Fiorina. I mean not a garden-variety hypocrite like Huckabee or Jindal or Perry, but a joyous fraud, somebody who literally doesn’t mean a word of it and is doing it for fun.
And I am amazed that Lindsey Graham is the least clownish (cellphone video notwithstanding) and more dangerous just because of if foreign policy principles.
His pontificating on human rights and then caving on military commissions puts him in contention with Ted Cruz for worst person–neck and neck with Scott “I’m putting one over on everybody” Walker.
The only reason to drink beer with any of them is to record their behavior when they are stinking drunk.
Dollars to donuts Cruz is a belligerent beer drinker even when he is not drunk.
I bet Cruz is a lecturing drunk. He’ll sit there, tie loosened, with drink in one hand and stabbing his fingers at your chest in the other hand, and lecture semi-coherently at you on any topic that comes to mind.
He’s the guy who buys the first round of the night, when half the group hasn’t even shown up yet, and then tries to get out of buying drinks the rest of the night because, hey, he already bought the first round.
Here are my answers:
The end.
I can’t believe Walker doesn’t appear on your opposites list. He gets both the dumbest and worst politician on mine.
I loved the punch-line.
I think I need a new definition of smart. I don’t see how how can call anyone who ignores facts, denies science and eschews common sense as being smart, but I keep reading educated people calling Carson and Cruz smart.
I guess I’m not smart enough to get it.
It’s relative. And with the question limited to GOP candidates, it’s not easy to answer because most of them have serious thinker-clinkers that override their basic IQ and/or education and over time such clinkers also erode or damage the smarts that they must once have had or had more of.
What we know about innate intelligence, as measured by IQ tests, and academic achievement is that it’s uncommon for someone with an IQ <131 to get through medical school. wrt Carson, his superiors, peers, and patients experienced him as very smart which puts him at the higher end of physicians; IQ >139. Yet, his religious thinker-clinker retards his ability to abstract from medical science to science in general and the social sciences. That shortcoming almost puts him in the idiot-savant category.
At the other end, there’s Perry, Walker, and possibly Huckabee. Ordinary or average, 100-115. Huck also has that religious clinker; so, he might have been slightly smarter when through middle school.
The others either went to law or business schools. Generally 116-130. Smart to very smart (124-130), but not classified as “gifted.” Setting the clinkers aside for a moment, “very smart” people often exhibit more intellectual insecurity than “smart” people. For good reason because they are more likely to compete against “gifted” people in school and work.
Jindal is more difficult to peg than the others. Most likely “gifted” but with more clinkers or perhaps that’s an artifact of pursuing multiple educational/professional goals instead of one, and not shining at any of them.
Boy, couldn’t imagine drinking a few rounds with Cruz without feeling the need to punch him in the face. And if I had to drink with Perry he’d probably feel the need to punch me in the face. Luckily, out here in Portland we have access to other intoxicants and the clown car would merely harsh my buzz.
Opposites
Since I can’t edit I’ll add that Kasich is my answer to #2
So far none of the POTUS job applicants are as stupid as this Chicago man: Man Accidentally Sends Nude Photos To HR Director, Loses Job Offer
At least Wiener wasn’t stupid enough to accidentally send his dick-pics to Pelosi.
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Thank you for your understanding.
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