David Bry Here’s my tip for your Thanksgiving turkey prep: throw it in the garbage. Tante Marie says, Just Put the F*cking Turkey in the Oven. Both agree that turkey is dry and awful, but Tante Marie prefers to drench it in gravy and let others eat it before throwing it in the garbage. What neither mentions is that turkeys don’t freeze well and the larger the bird, the less flavor it has. So, start with a fresh, unfrozen, turkey, stick some onions and celery in the cavity, and put the fucking turkey in the oven. Occassionaly rub it with a stick of butter while baking and tent the breast with aluminum foil during the middle hour of the baking. (But do throw the giblets in the garbage for feed it to the cats.)
On to the nasty bits. From the top:
- Sweet potato/yams with marshmallows.
- Green bean casserole.
(Could be a tie because I won’t eat either of those dreadful concoctions.)
- Gravy. (Explains why I disagree with Tante Marie’s solution.)
- Mashed potatoes. (Although Julia’s roasted garlic mashed potatoes are good.)
- Pop the can crescent rolls.
- Brown and serve rolls.
- Fruit cocktail appetizer. (There may be a good version, but I haven’t had it.)
- Jello molds.
Not good but minimally understandable.
- Frozen pumpkin pie
- Canned jellied cranberry sauce. (Whole berry is better but both seemed to be made with HFCS.)
Everything else is good; some of it just better than other versions depending on one’s tastes and childhood memories. The high and low fat versions of the vegetables are equally good. (Or almost equally good.) No particular favorites, but apple pie and ice cream should be reserved for other holidays.
What do you relish and skip from the Thanksgiving dinner table?
