[also published at dKos]

Several days ago the postman brought my Official Voter Information Guide. All the
other Californians here must have received it also, but I haven’t seen any mention
of it. Probably you put it aside to wait until closer to voting time.

I opened mine because the SVKossacks got together last Saturday and I thought there
might be some info on the local candidates we would care about. No such luck, but I
did find it entertaining enough to share.

Most of the pamphlet (available online
here) is the statements of the various
candidates running in the U.S. Senate primary. You might already know the main
Democratic candidates are Kamala Harris and Loretta Sanchez, and assume there are
some Republicans too. There are, but it’s not the main candidates who are
interesting.

It must not cost very much to file, because there are over a dozen Californians who
have ponied up the fee for no reason except being able to say “I ran for U.S.
Senate”. And to make the rest of us laugh. Maybe these public-spirited citizens
don’t deserve my mockery, but I think primary season has been nasty and
we need a laugh. Check it out:

—–

Jerry J. Laws | REPUBLICAN

ConstitutionaIist. Americanism.

That is the complete text of his statement.

—–

Ling Ling Shi | NO PARTY PREFERENCE

Run for God’s Heart and America’s Freedom, challenge 10 giant chaos in economy and
economy-related sectors.

Chinese-American word salad.

—–

Massie Munroe | DEMOCRATIC

… Through my national and international research and political activism, I
identified “mind control slavery” by satellite energy technology weapons and social
engineering programs that have been in continual development for the past 50 years
and facilitated their “declassification”. As a result, I came under heavy sanctions
that are ongoing. I request you, the voter, to rise above all untrue accusations
that assail my good character and heart. …

I very much regret that she goes on to mention Bernie Sanders.

—–

Tim Gildersleeve | NO PARTY PREFERENCE

I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I stand for the poor, elderly, and disabled,
environmental issues, unions, small business, and represent the average citizen.

I don’t want to vote for someone who starts with a religious statement, but unlike
these others he can write a clear readable sentence.

—–

President Cristina Grappo | DEMOCRATIC

My education & expertise merits this prolific occupation in order to represent
California, as United Senator. I hold a Democratic Party platform with key issues
for gun control, human trafficking, balancing the national deficit, and foreign
policy initiatives. I am mainstream Facebook in social media! My core values drive
America!

Is “President” her title or her first name? Funny how someone who’s “mainstream
Facebook” has no link to that site or any webpage.

—–

Herbert G. Peters | DEMOCRATIC

Andrew Jackson Democrat. Our first 70 years; our county grew and flourished. We had
no income tax. Motto: Manifest Destiny. Democrat Presidents; were most wise: Andrew
Jackson balanced budget seven of eight years. Franklin Pierce vetoed a federal
welfare bill. To reverse downward spiral of last II8 years: balance our budget,
resist war, reduce costs, reduce taxes, repeal welfare and minimum wage so all can
find jobs. Churches and Charities help needful. Reduce oppression: replace income
tax with sales tax. Goal: Better life for all.

Heaping portion of word salad. Despite his choice of the Democratic label, to the
extent it makes sense it sounds like a tea party platform.

—–

Jason Hanania | NO PARTY PREFERENCE

01100101.

Yes that’s really his statement.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world…

—–

“California’s got the most of them,

boy they got a host of them….

Flakes…