About What’s Wrong With America
Clara, my wife of 30 years, was hospitalized Wed. night. My son and I took her to hospital ER at 11 pm, after she was found coughing up blood and had a blood sugar level over 900, an extremely high and potentially fatal condition.
Clara had been fighting a bad respiratory infection complicated by asthma for two weeks prior to this crisis. I finally convinced her to go to the doctor on Monday, Dec. 12th. He prescribed an antibiotic and a steroidal asthma inhaler. She began having chest pain Wed. night. What we didn’t know was she had stopped taking her insulin and eating because she felt so sick and nauseated. Her weight dropped to only 95 pounds, dangerously low for a Type 1 diabetic. Once she started vomiting up blood we contacted the on call doctor who said to take her immediately to the ER.
When I admitted my wife to the hospital at 11 pm that night, we experienced expressions of contempt from several members of the hospital’s intake staff, including nurses. They did not understand why my wife, who was screaming and incoherent and having a panic attack due to her chemo-induced brain injury was in no state to answer their barrage of rapid fire questions about why she needed their help.
She was overwhelmed by all the stimuli an ER Room generates: loud beeping noises, people shouting and running about, loud TVs playing and caregivers asking rapid-fire questions too fast for her to process during her long night of pain, terror and sensory overload. They just assumed she was bad news, possibly a junkie (she certainly looked the part due to her weight loss) and that I, as her husband, was terrible person, as well, for not being able to give them what they needed off the top of my head to complete their intake procedure before they would admit her and treat her.
To them, we were a waste of space, and a waste of their valuable time, time that could be better spent on other patients. They demonstrated this contemptuous attitude in many ways, but the effect was to make us feel that that they considered themselves our superiors, people who were beneath them. Needless to say, certain individuals did not treat my wife well during that required intake process.
I know that the intake people were having a busy night, but if they had taken the time to hear me out and let me explain why all the lights, noise, and general insanity of an ER room made it impossible for her to answer their barrage of questions and demands, it would have made a big difference.
Thereafter, I made a point to explain to every nurse, technician, doctor and other member of the hospital’s staff who saw or dealt with her that night of (1) the brain trauma Clara had suffered, (2) the cognitive issues she deals with because of it, and (3) what they, as medical professionals needed to do to help her. To be specific, I asked them to please talk slowly, repeat themselves if necessary and don’t make assumptions that just because she is acting out in response to loud noises, bright lights or their interactions with her that it meant she was some drug-addled crazy person.
I also made it very clear that her brain trauma resulted from her chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer (5-FU was the medicinal culprit), so that also got people to turn up their empathy meters a little higher. It’s strange, or maybe not so strange, but using the “cancer card” usually helps a lot with getting people to listen to me when I explain why Clara has unique needs that require a different approach to her treatment for medical issues than someone else who does not have such a severe cognitive disorder.
Recently, as I reflected upon that nightmarish experience only a few days ago, I had an epiphany.
Contempt is perhaps the worst emotion one person can feel toward another. It is the one that most increases divisiveness in personal relationships. We know this to be true based on studies of marital couples and other close relationships.
And an outbreak of contempt for others has broken out in our society over the last few decades; one that I contend is exacerbating divisions among the many peoples of our country. Many of us express contempt for others daily in part because politicians propagate this attitude with the assistance of our traditional media. Such negative memes are then spread through social media, often by people paid to generate and stir up these powerful negative emotions online. It leads many of us to hide out in our own little bubbles, dismiss the opinions and beliefs of others, and hold people we know next to nothing about in contempt.
And why do we that? Because of the lies and disinformation that reinforce lazy thinking and the easy acceptance of stereotypes with which we have been inculcated from birth, lies and false narratives we have all been told about “those people,” lies fostered and spread by the people in power who wish to keep us divided.
One can forgive anger, even hate, even murder, as the families of the victims of the Dylann Roof massacre have shown.
However, contempt – the expression of disdain, disgust, revulsion and for lack of a better term, that “holier than thou attitude” by those who express it openly toward those they find unacceptable – causes tremendous emotional pain.
It is the one act that is often hardest to forget and forgive, because it is so demeaning to those who are being reviled and relegated to sub-human status. Contempt, even more than hate, contributes to the willingness of so many Americans to cheer the suffering of others, even the outright murder and abuse of innocents, because that suffering is happening to someone else they despise, i.e., “one of those people.”
Whether fostered and nurtured through factional strife, spiteful political discourse, absurd and dangerous assumptions about others based on someone’s race, religion, class or any of the many categories people use to label other people and place them in nasty little boxes where the worst thoughts and prejudices about entire communities and groups may be taken as God’s own truth, it is a great evil.
The all too frequent public expressions of contempt, revulsion, disgust and disdain for those with whom we disagree, and who in like manner may hold us in contempt, as well, is devastating our nation. The spread of this poisonous emotion, along with its attendant behaviors, throughout our society is frequently based on a single characteristic or “deplorable” political opinion. It keeps many Americans, who otherwise have so much in common, from uniting and fighting together against the powerful elites who hold the real power over us all. Wealthy elites, regardless of party affiliation, would like nothing more than to see all of us at each others throats, rather than unite in solidarity to make this a better country and a better world.
If we are to salvage this country after the disaster of 2016, this is one of the most important things that we need to eliminate from our public and private discourse. For how can you ally with other individuals and communities to achieve outcomes that are mutually beneficial to all, if so many people’s default position is to be contemptuous of the ideas, experiences and cultures of communities and individuals of whom they know nothing but what the distorted lens of prejudice and propaganda shows?
For contempt shuts off any chance of dialogue and finding common ground. It keeps us all in bondage to a greater or lesser extent. Contempt serves the interests of the rich and powerful, not the rest of us. We need to reach out to those who are different from us in any way, and not demean and despise them. We should not dismiss out of hand their grievances because we are so certain of our rightness, our moral superiority or simply our self-perceived greater knowledge and intelligence regarding the proper course of action needed to fix our country’s many, many seemingly intractable problems.
To refuse to put aside our own feelings of righteousness, and our belief that those who disagree with us are worthless, ignorant and possibly immoral idiots that deserve only our scorn, is to accept the continuation of the war of all against all. It will inevitably take us down a path that will result in furthering the pervasive corrosion and decay of society, and dash any hope for a better, more equitable and sustainable world.
For if we fail to change these inimical attitudes, fail to stop scapegoating others for the flaws inherent in our culture, and our financial and political systems, we shall surely end up living under a tyrannical and repressive government, suffering from ever worsening economic hardships, and watching our world descends into ecological and environmental collapse.
Count on it.
I hear you, Steven. I strongly regret what you and your family are going through. You, and we, deserve better. I’m hopeful that enough voting Americans can return to acting from the better angels of their nature as quickly as possible, in time for you and your family to gain relief.
You write: I’m hopeful that enough voting Americans can return to acting from the better angels of their nature as quickly as possible Steven is writing about the evils of contempt, and they are legion. You are a centrist Democrat. I have read enough of your posts to believe that what you are saying above… “…acting from the better angels of their nature”…translates as “…return to voting for Democrats.” I am convinced that contempt is what lost this election for the Dems, centerfield. Beyond all other mistakes, beyond all other possible hustles that may have occurred from any other sources…beyond… Read more »
Including contempt for the law as long as you are one of the “in” crowd: http://finance.yahoo.com/news/imfs-lagarde-found-guilty-french-tycoon-payout-trial-142520142–busine
ss.html
Guilty but no punishment.
The expression of contempt for those who are sick or injured has come from the Republican side. That video is but one example. Certainly not from anyone I’ve encountered from the Democratic Party.
You are beyond reason. Did you even listen to the whole statement? Ron Paul is not a “sadist,” he simply wants to break down the system that…in its latest incarnations…both mistreated Steven’s wife and on another level tried to foist a totally bureaucratized candidate on the American people. It fails on both levels, more often than not. Depersonalized America. Try to imagine how Steven’s wife would have been treated in the hospital where Dr. Paul worked as a young man, centerfield…before this robotic healthcare/insurance system was put in place by corporate drones. At least try. As he said…the churches helped.… Read more »
Here, let’s learn what health care in the United States was like before 1965. Some of the many important outcomes revealed in this reporting: “In a 1963 survey, patients from the general population were given a list of symptoms and asked whether they had been able to see a physician about them. Among those who reported “pains in the heart,” 25 percent said they did not see a physician; for “unexpected bleeding” it was 34 percent; for “shortness of breath,” it was 35 percent; for “abdominal pains,” it was 31 percent; for “repeated vomiting,” it was 40 percent; for “diarrhea… Read more »
Our contemporary “medical care” is less than useless. Any and all alternative approaches are viciously opposed by Big Med/Big Pharma/Big Insurance.
I do not know how old you are, centerfield, but I will bet my life…I aleady have bet my life, actually…that I will not only outlive you but will remain well-functioning way past the average effective life of most contemporary U.S. citizens.
“Y’pays yer money and y’takes yer chances,” as the old carnival barkers used to say.
Best of luck in the future.
You gonna need it.
AG
Good Lord, AG, can you just once read what someone wrote without the distorting lenses of your cynical perspective? Steven D’s experience with his wife was bloody awful, and centerfielddj expressed his wishes for better. “Better angels” is a pretty generic expression. It’s you who is layering upon centerfielddj’s remarks a whole lot of ideological baggage that just isn’t actually there.
And is utterly inappropriate in this venue.
Unbelievable.
.
If the corporate rot that has infected this country…and its two major parties…is responsible for the mistreatment that Steven’s wife and any number of others have suffered, how is bringing it up “utterly inappropriate in this venue?” Is this…or was it, to be more precise…a “progressive” site? If so, then my own take on “progress” is such situations is totally appropriate. if it is no longer progressive but just another arm of the PermaGov media, then yes, you are right. Time will tell. BooTrib poised on the fence between the two possibilities, right now. We shall see, soon enough. AG… Read more »
Steven D, thanks for posting this. You are correct that we will not recover our freedoms, our dignity, and justice as a nation by “fighting fire with fire”. The attitude that we are facing as more people are driven to hate the jobs they used to love doing and the theft going on from the top cannot be opposed either with complacency or with contempt. Would that we were spending more time thinking through what actually might work at the level of our personal networks and local interactions to reverse the deliberate destruction of empathy and the valuing of every… Read more »
A MAJOR loss in care is in the works. http://news.morningstar.com/articlenet/article.aspx?id=784998 And don’t tell me that centrist Democrats like Schumer haven’t signed on to this or some variant.
When I was a toddler I heard the tale of the goose that laid the golden eggs. I guess the 1% never heard it. They are determined to cut open the goose and get ALL the eggs.
You can eat gold, but it does not provide balanced nutrition. Oh, that was King Midas.
Killing the real wealth producers–that was the goose who laid the golden egg.
But then, isn’t the Standard American Diet a bit like the force-feeding of geese for fois gras?
Well, the ED sees the sickest patients, since most patients come in through the ED initially via walk-ins or EMS, and then get admitted. And the way that Medicare and Medicaid pay out, is based on providing adequate care that is documented correctly, paired with whether patients come back as readmissions. A readmission within 30 days typically causes Medicare/Medicaid to reduce payment for the previous treatment. So, the ED will see a patient with end stage renal disease that hasn’t gone to dialysis for the past week because they weren’t feeling well. Their lab numbers are all out of whack… Read more »
My spouse had a fall leading to a broken hip. Following hip replacement surgery there was a complication – led to a stroke. I’ve shared this story elsewhere in recent days, so I will spare the details. Bottom line, I feel your pain. Anyone who is sick to the point of needing an ER deserves compassion. They deserve care. That is a human right. Nothing more. Nothing less. We as a culture are not compassionate. That much is evident (even in the frogpond). It feels very lonely at times arguing for something better when the dominant set of norms are… Read more »
Some years ago (in the ’90s IIRC) my boss, born and raised in London UK, told me this story. He had occasion to be in the ER of one of the major hospitals in our County. We had good company health insurance but he was reading a notice on the wall. He told me that in essence the notice said they were required to take a certain number of indigent patients annually and they had already met their quota, so go elsewhere if you can’t pay. He was genuinely angry as he told me that in the UK no one… Read more »
EMTLA
It could have been as early as 1988, but EMTLA would still apply. However: “EMTALA does not apply to the transfer of stable patients; however, if the patient is unstable, then the hospital may not transfer the patient unless: ” I think the requirement to treat a certain number of indigents was a state law. EMTLA only requires that you stabilize them before shipping them out. In the late ’60s the son of one of my co-workers was in an auto crash on the Eisenhower Expressway in Chicago. He was black. His father carried the same BCBS High Option Federal… Read more »
I’m an emergency department RN. We’ll treat and stabilize anyone. But that is all that the emergency department does. What one individual hospital does or doesn’t do in compliance with the EMTLA can’t be projected onto all hospitals and all emergency departments. For example, I had a 3rd degree heart block patient come in the other night. Had the patient not been brought in, she would have died at home within 20 minutes. She was circling the drain. Once she was stabilized, we sent her off to another hospital via ambulance. Not because she was indigent, or didn’t have insurance,… Read more »
Thank you for your excellent post. It reminds me of my posts about Civil service and USPS. We are all convenient whipping boys. However, Cook County Hospital ( I refuse to call it Stroger) doesn’t excel at anything except maybe treating gunshot wounds. The older brother of one of my close childhood friends interned there.
Public employees and public service employees in the private sector are always underpaid, and understaffed, because while our work is publicly useful, it doesn’t provide the oligarchs who own and operate the government with additional profit.
The how and why our society/country/species are falling apart is simple, but trying to inform the people staring at their phones crushing candies and stalking ex-partners on Facebook, or correcting misinformation fed to people by the media, makes it nearly impossible to get the message out and understood.
I am very sorry to hear that about your wife, Don. And thank for your good wishes.
Thanks! I learned a lot about being her advocate this past year in particular. I’m not religious, so I don’t do the praying thing. But I will keep you and your wife in my thoughts.
I’m soon going to be accompanying my wife to the hospital, where she’ll be undergoing major surgery. We feel fortunate that the surgeon, whom we talked to at length, and the doctors who’ll be following her case post-surgically all seem to be authentically decent, compassionate people. But we’ve encountered some truly troubling problems in emergency rooms. I won’t go into the medical particulars, but my wife has had to make a lot of ER visits and has been treated as a drug seeker on more than one occasions. The first time this happened, we were slow on the uptake, but… Read more »
Best thoughts to her.
its such a difficult time of year to not have full health.
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Steven
All my best wishes to you and yours in these trying times. I am hoping your significant other can make it home to you by Christmas, where she will be surrounded by those that obviously love her very much.
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My post will be somewhat long, but perhaps more relevant than most. I’m actually a RN who works in the emergency department (ED) of a hospital here in Atlanta. The initial problem you describe is that the triage in the ED you went to was clearly terrible. If you bring in your wife who is coughing up blood and unable to respond to questions, I’m going to ask you immediately about any past medical conditions. As soon as you say Type 1 Diabetes, I’m going to immediately take your wife’s blood glucose reading. Within 2 minutes of first talking to… Read more »
This is an excellent and informative post. Thanks. Our last ER visit was made somewhat easier because a family friend was one of the ER nurses, and knew my spouse’s history. Meant billing and so on got handled correctly right off the bat as well. There were other facets of our experience that were less pleasant – some of that due to how rehab got handled (using a nursing home as a rehab facility was bound to go charlie foxtrot simply because we were not the typical client base). Long story.