This tweet is a rough analogy for where we are as a nation–governed by test dummies and something about hotels, while a vice-president tells us everything is fine.

Our president, whose whole life so far appears to have been a felony, is spending an hour and a half on the telephone with Vladimir Putin, the man who is widely and no doubt accurately considered to be his puppet-master. The White House press secretary assures us that this is completely innocent because they discussed special counsel Robert Mueller’s report “essentially in the context of that it’s over and there was no collusion.”

Of course, you can open up the Mueller Report and find this thing in there that starts on page one of Volume I. It says the Russian government “interfered in the 2016 presidential election in sweeping and systematic fashion” and “violated U.S. criminal law.” Apparently, us caring about that is over. The Report also says:

“The Russian government perceived it would benefit from a Trump presidency and worked to secure that outcome, [while] the Campaign expected it would benefit electorally from information stolen and released through Russian efforts.”

Thus, the coconspirators are in no way in the least concerned about the appearance of collusion when they chat amiably and have “light moments” on the phone for ninety minutes about how the investigation of their crimes has been put to bed.

“We discussed it. He actually sort of smiled when he said something to the effect that it started off as a mountain and it ended up being a mouse,” Trump said. “But he knew that, because he knew there was no collusion whatsoever.”

The two leaders could not see each other during the call. Trump’s description was meant to convey that it was a light moment, a spokesman said.

Naturally, enterprising reporters wanted to know if this call was conducted purely for the yucks or if perhaps Trump had mentioned the fact that the Mueller Report accused Putin of committing serious crimes that badly undermined public confidence in the integrity of our elections and gave us an idiot for a president.

Trump was asked repeatedly whether he raised the issue of election interference or warned Putin not to do it again.

“We didn’t discuss that,” Trump said eventually. “Really, we didn’t discuss it.”

And why would they? That’s not how blackmail works.

This is how blackmail works.

Trump also contradicted Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and other advisers who have said this week that Russia propped up embattled Venezuelan strongman Nicolás Maduro and blocked what might have been a peaceful transfer of power to the U.S.-backed opposition.

“He is not looking at all to get involved in Venezuela other than he’d like to see something positive happen for Venezuela,” Trump said after the conversation with Putin, which had been arranged in large part to air differences over Venezuela and de-escalate a brewing proxy fight.

Instead, Trump appeared to take Putin at his word that Russia wants to help ease a humanitarian crisis in Venezuela.

“And I feel the same way. We want to get some humanitarian aid,” Trump told reporters at the White House. “Right now, people are starving. They have no water. They have no food.”

This is how blackmail works.

Trump later tweeted about the call, referring to the Mueller investigation as the “Russian Hoax.”

He did not elaborate on which part was a hoax.