I think a Zombies title is a great way to bid a not-so-fond farewell to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, purveyor of zombie lies for the White House. And in classic form, our president sent her off with a big, fat lie of his own.
After 3 1/2 years, our wonderful Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be leaving the White House at the end of the month and going home to the Great State of Arkansas….
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 13, 2019
I realize it feels a lot longer, but at this writing, Trump has been president for less than two-and-a-half years.
Meanwhile, what will Sanders do for her next act? Despite her former boss’s hopes, I can’t see her running a successful race for governor of Arkansas. I have a feeling that a cushy gig in PR or lobbying is off the table for the same reason, specifically because no one can believe a word she says.
Her miserable, sullen, barely-phoning-it-in personality probably means she won’t be hosting any shows on FOX News anytime soon — not for long anyway. Coupled with her inability to take criticism, she’s not a good guest for shows like “The View” either.
I could take a cheap shot and say she’s got a face that’s great for radio, but why bother? Sanders’ vocal cadence -which ranges from droning monotone to aggrieved hectoring- is enough to deny her a regular slot like Hannity or Limbaugh. I mean, I dare you to sit through this whole press conference without shooting yourself in the face.
Perhaps Sanders might pursue a career as a teacher — although her role in defending family separations and kiddie concentration camps might be a disqualifier. Same might be true if she tries to get a job at her local church: maybe ripping infants from their crying mothers’ arms is “Biblical” as Sanders claims, but surely not in any way compassionate Christians understand the Good Book.
The Daily Beast‘s Erin Ryan had an interesting, if physically impossible, suggestion in a since-deleted tweet-
Best of luck to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, may your next career move, no matter what it is, involve lustily fucking yourself
— Erin 🔥🏃🏻♀️ Ryan (@morninggloria) June 13, 2019
Oh well. I’m sure if all else fails, there’s work back home, although the rest of the dancers may walk out in protest.
Before you say I’m slagging sex workers, I’m not. I’ve known strippers and prostitutes. They have morals: Sanders does not.
Images courtesy Matt Johnson. Buy his wonderful functional artwork on Etsy. If you enjoy our work here at Progress Pond, consider a year’s subscription.
