Man, how grumpy can you get?

It is easy to blame children for some of this. Christmas is their holiday, you say. But that’s just an excuse. Christmas is not the holiday of children. It’s the holiday of retailers, of familial selfishness, of greed, of the child consumer and the childish consumer. It basically represents the opposite of what we need to teach our children.

Just look at Santa Claus, bearded and pot-bellied, entertaining the passersby on the sidewalk. The man who dresses as Santa gets paid to do it. I can excuse him for this – one has to earn a living – but I cannot excuse his employer. In fact, I’m surprised that our churches don’t criticize this. The belief in Santa Claus is worse than heresy, which at least has good faith in itself. Santa is just a superstition for children, a lie for adults, and a generally stupid concept. When my three sons were little, I didn’t have the courage to resist the pressure from society. I pretended, like everyone else. Am I wrong? I don’t know. But what a relief when the truth was revealed; when the boys, very early on, indicated that they didn’t believe in this nonsense!

I have my problems with Christmas, but it is a holiday for children, and for families. I watched Miracle on 34th Street again last night. I always sympathize with the skeptical woman that thinks Kris Kringle is out of his mind for thinking he is Santa Claus. But the movie gets it right. The judge is terrified of the retailers, the AFL-CIO, and the people. He’ll never get re-elected if he rules Santa doesn’t exist. The guy that runs Macy’s is petrified that he’ll lose all the customers that come to visit Santa if he says his Santa isn’t the real Santa. Kringle’s lawyer capitalizes on a practical joke the N.Y. post office plays by delivering all Santa’s mail to the courthouse. How can Kringle not be the real Santa if the U.S. Post Office recognizes him as the rightful recipient of Santa’s mail?

In other words, none of the dark side is covered up. The commercialism, the politicization, the dishonest lawyering, the compromised judge, it’s all there. But what matters is the joy the illusion gives to children.

It’s not without it’s downside. I never fully trusted my parents again after I busted them lying about a present they claimed was from Santa. I was about 6 or 7. I took it very personally that they would lie to me. But I’m a weirdo. Most kids appreciate the spirit of the thing.

I think people just get depressed because the days are too short and they have to spend money they don’t have on people they don’t really like or respect. Kids never get depressed unless they don’t get what they wanted as a gift. But, hey, there’s a life lesson in that, too. Every kid should get dissed on at least one X-Mas. It toughens ’em up and keeps them from getting false ideas about the way the world works.

And don’t get me started on the idiots that think Santa Claus sets a bad example because he’s overweight. Lighten up. He’s got a belly like a bowl full of jelly…what’s the problem?