Does this sound familiar?

If you don’t see a Sunday Griot from me this weekend, don’t panic. I haven’t been shipped off to the tropics to work on my tan and eat glazed chicken. I hope. No, I’ll be out of town with the family for the long holiday weekend.

Speaking of the holiday — no, it’s not Canada Day, although that’s a worthy holiday and happening this weekend — before I went out of town I decided to do a little research to find out what this holiday is all about. In the course of that research, I came across this little factoid: Apparently this weekend’s holiday has something to do with a little known and poorly-understood document. So, I was interested to see what the document actually says. I thought you might be too.
Let’s take a look at some selected quotes from this document to see if, as Mark Twain once said, the past doesn’t repeat itself, but it rhymes.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

Well, that more or less rhymes with “If I don’t like a law it doesn’t pass.”

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

Would this be anything like, oh, say, closing off debate prematurely during a hearing held by the House Judiciary Committee by cutting the microphones and telling the ranking Democrat on the committee not to bother trying to schedule any hearings on his own? Nah.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

That’s probably akin to not being satisfied with the ratification of 95% of all judges submitted to the Senate.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

Can you say “largest expansion of government in history?” I knew you could.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

Can you say “lying to start a war?” I knew you could say that too.

He has combined with others . . . For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

Four words: Guantanamo Bay. Extraordinary rendition.

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

That would be sort of like what happened with the so-called PATRIOT Act, wouldn’t it?

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

Yes. We are the enemy.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

Holy hand grenades, Batman!

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

Well, I guess we can be glad there isn’t a draft. Even if there are stop-loss orders and coercive military recruiters.

I guess it’s a good thing this document was written a couple hundred years ago by a bunch of rabble rousers who never amounted to anything. I shudder to think what would happen if such a document were proposed today.