Crossposted at dKos and My Left Wing
A snarkfest in 4 acts, uh… paragraphs.
While attempting to alleviate widespread confusion among his flock, Pat Robertson today attributed Hurricane Rita’s path towards the Republican stronghold, (and Bush home state), of Texas, to God being “off target”.
When asked why his own miraculous hurricane-thwarting powers couldn’t divert the approaching tempest, Robertson defended his response to the oncoming storm. “After all,” he declared, ” I didn’t see that rotund telefriar Falwell doing anything about it.” Robertson also hinted that responsibility “might rest with the Almighty’s Administration,” but stopped short of blaming the Big Guy Himself.
“Let’s face facts, this storm was surely meant for San Francisco’s sodomites,” said Robertson, “I can only suspect sabotage by an insider, probably someone on the steering committee. After all, I never really did trust Archangel Michael, that sword was just for show, and he and Lucifer were just a little too chummy before… well, you know. Besides, word is he gets his halo waxed by a personal assistant who is clearly a flaming homoseraphim. It’s a disgrace.”
Robertson went on to say that regardless of the fact that heavenly guidance systems were clearly malfunctioning, now was not the time to play the blame game. “There will be a time and a place for that”, he said, “but right now the Creator is interested in solving problems. God plans on conducting an internal investigation, and wants to assure earthly evangelicals that resources are focused not only on short-term priorities, like insuring the cancellation of Barney and Sponge Bob Squarepants, but making sure that long-term plans of dispatching hurricanes to West Hollywood and Fire Island remain on schedule.”