Reflections

There are a lot of things that have happened to me in my life that I can’t write about out of respect for the privacy of others. Most of the time this doesn’t bother me. Today it does. But I feel like writing something personal…so I will.

When I was a junior in high school I had a good friend that was inseparable from his girlfriend. They were one of those couples that were just a little bit closer and more serious than other high school couples. They loved each other intensely. But there was a problem. My friend Mike was a senior and his girlfriend was sophomore. When he graduated and went off to Syracuse University they tried to keep their relationship going, and they succeeded until one night…

One night when I was a senior in high school, Bobby Sheehan, the bass player from Blues Traveler, was sleeping over at my house. And my next door neighbor Susan, was having a party/sleep over that night too. So Bobby and I went over there to hang out with the girls. And Bobby started chatting up my friend Mike’s girlfriend. It was pretty obvious that Bobby was trying to steal her away and I felt pretty badly about that.

As the night wore on Bobby and Mike’s girlfriend went outside and went over to my lawn and sat on a big rock in my frontyard. And they sat there talking for hours. It started to rain, and they didn’t move. I needed to go home and go to sleep, but Bobby wouldn’t budge. I guess they finally went and slept at Susan’s house that night; I don’t know for sure because Bobby’s car was gone when I woke up. Bobby and Stephanie were a couple from that night on. Mike was heartbroken, but he eventually recovered.

When Bobby graduated he moved to Brooklyn and Blues Traveler got big and got signed by Bill Graham. That is another interesting story. Bill Graham woke up one morning to go to work and there was a cassette in his tape deck and the volume was cranked. It turns out his son had been using the car and cranking a demo of Blues Traveler. When Graham got to work that day, his first order of business was to sign Blues Traveler to a record contract. It’s weird how the world works.

Just before that fateful day I was offered a job with Blues Traveler as a soundman/roadie. I was taking classes in radio at the local community college and John Popper and Chan Kinchla wanted me to drop out, move to NYC, and carry their amps around for them. I thought that was a lousy idea. Go figure. Things might have been a lot different if I had been more adventurous and had more faith in the band’s talent.

Blues Traveler got big. They were touring with the Allman Brothers and Santana and the Jerry Garcia Band. But Bobby and Stephanie stayed together. She went down to Vanderbilt and began school. And soon the differences in the lifestyles began to take a toll. When they finally broke-up, Stephanie wrote a song about it and it has always moved me…and not just because it all started on my front-lawn. Here are the lyrics.

Artist: Blues Traveler
Album: Save His Soul
Year: 1993
Title: Love Of My Life

I just couldn’t cry
No matter how hard I try
I knew the love we shared was dead
Until she gave me a letter
With some words she wrote down
And I swear this is what she said
She said…

“Love of my life our first night together
We sat in the rain and talked forever
Love of my life your carefree way
Showed me the potential of each and every day

But love of my life
When you told me today
That my place was gone
In your carefree way
I realized…”

She said…

She said “love of my life now I finally see
A carefree way wasn’t meant for me
The pain I feel you just can’t understand
You’d think it as fire, pull away your hand

But love of my life
When you told me today
That my place was gone in your carefree way
I realized…”

You know she realized she must learn for
once on her own not to let her days burn
Because she’s alone
She needed to learn for once on her own
not to let her days burn
Because she’s alone
She needed to learn for once on her own
not to let her days burn
Because she’s alone
She said…

“Love of my life your arms were never shy
To hold me tight when I needed to cry
Love of my life you made me believe
And for that I do love you but I know I
must leave

Because love of my life
When you told me today
That my place was gone
In your carefree way
I realized…”

Oh yes she realized, and for once so did I
Because it occurred to me the love of my
life was she
And then and only then I started to cry

I saw Stephanie at Bobby’s funeral. She was glowering at me because I was in the middle of laughing hysterically over something that some old high school friend had just told me. I don’t think she thought it was appropriate to be having such a good time at Bobby’s funeral. But it was a joyous event. Bobby had hundreds of friends and he had great taste in people. His funeral brought so many great souls together, and we all had outrageous stories to tell about different zany capers we’d been through while hanging out with him.

When Stephanie gave me a disapproving look I felt badly for a little while. I thought about this song and about the night it all started, and how it fell apart. And I thought…Bobby wasn’t cut out to be a rock star. His appetites were too large. He couldn’t control them. And it killed him. Then I thought about the song Bobby wrote about it all.

Blues Traveler – The Mountains Win Again

I pick up my smile put it in my pocket
Hold it for a while try not to have to drop it
Men are not to cry so how am I to stop it
Keep it all inside don’t show how much she rocked ya

Ooh can you feel the same
Ooh you gotta love the pain
Ooh it looks like rain again
Ooh I feel it comin’ in
The mountains win again
The mountains win again

Dreams we dreamed at night were never meant to come to life
I can’t understand the ease she pulled away her hand
This time in my life I was hurt enough to care
I guess from now on I’ll be careful what I share

Ooh can you feel the same
Ooh ya gotta love the pain
Ooh it looks like rain again
Yeah feel it comin’ in
The mountains win again

A pocket is no place for a smile anyway
Someday I will find love again will blow my mind
Maybe it will be that love that got away from me
Is there a line to write that could make you cry tonight
Can you feel the same
Yeah ya gotta love the pain
Ooh it looks like rain again
Ooh feel it comin’ in
The mountains win again
Ooh the mountains win again

I have no real purpose in writing about this except as a proxy for what I’d rather write about. There are certain events in your life that stay with you…crossroads…chances not taken…accidents that never needed to happen that change the course of your life.

I miss Bobby.