Hillary, um, No

Atrios and Kos have both highlighted the latest Gallup poll that presents Hillary Clinton as the leader of the pack for 2008. I see no point in linking to it because I’m sure you’ve all see the info.

I do, however, want to point out that this buzz is being created by Gallup; you know, the pollster who tilted his results towards Bush preceding the last election. Her candidacy is also being promoted by other fine progressives like Chris Matthews, Cokie Roberts, Tim Russert and Howard Fineman.

If this is not obviously a Repub scam, I don’t know what is. Why would we even consider their suggestions about who we should vote for in our primaries? The fact that her candidacy is being seriously discussed by lots of folks on dKos is quite simply appalling to me.

The Repubs and their media lap dogs would like nothing better than to obscure the issues and positions of the Democratic Party — once again — by focusing hatred on our candidate. And, Hillary is such an easy target for that purpose with loads of baggage. Her candidacy would not cause Freeper heads to explode as some predict. Instead, I’d expect them to dance in the aisles with gleeful anticipation over how spiteful and mean they’d get to be.

I realize that I am in the minority in my opinion of Hillary. So much so that I’ve never dared comment upon it at dKos or any other blog. I don’t like her and never have. I have no respect for a woman who doesn’t divorce a man who repeatedly betrays her. The basis of my opinion is just that simple. Standing by her man reveals a character flaw, a co-dependence based on mutual political ambition. Her self-esteem falls below her need for status and power.

This flaw also emerges in her recent shifts to the right. I don’t want a Democratic candidate who is hawkish and panders to anti-choice sentiments. If she had real self-esteem, she would have principles and stead-fact positions instead of side-stepping for approval from groups who will never, ever accept her. I’ve had enough of a president that is manipulated by others; I don’t want another one.

Now, you can all pile on and tell me how petty and shallow I am…

Daily Pain

Most mornings I wake up around 5:30am because my slumbering body makes the mistake of changing position and sets off a series of muscle spasms. I have fibro myalga and I wake up in a state of pain that used to make me weep and whimper. I’m more stoic now after dealing with it for 20 years.

Somedays, it’s not just my muscles; I also have connective tissue disease. So, when the barometer is low my joints scream and pop and crack and every step sends electric shocks from tiny joints in my feet up to my knees.

How I cope: First, I stagger to my computer and read. I try to disassociate from my body and tilt my consciousness into my mind. If my mind is active and alert, I can pay less attention to my body’s distress. I take a couple of Advil with a glass of milk and then fuel movement with a can of Red Bull. Because the only way to get past the pain is to work thru it. Even tho it hurts like hell and brings tears to my eyes, I go thru a series of stretching and limbering movements. And I keep doing it until the pain simmers down to a controllable level.

By 10am, most days, I can function like a normal person albeit a tired one. Pain drains energy and by 8pm I’m one tired old hag who has to lie down and watch Olbermann to find some humor in the world.

I know I’m not the only person here with disablities and I wonder how you guys cope. Don’t tell me about pain pills because I’ve done them all and the trade-off — losing my mental alertness — is not worth it to me. I do indulge in Flexiril every now and then when I don’t have to drive anywhere or when limbering doesn’t work and I’m forced to have a do-nothing day. And I do use an “herbal remedy” and drink wine at night to shut up my muscles long enough for me to get to sleep. Other than that, I suffer and cope.

What do you do?

"You my kind" — A Night with Jim Morrison

Okay, here it is by popular demand:

When I was around nineteen, that would have been 1968 or ’69,  I had the good fortune to be in the right place at the right time and met a few celebrities. I smoked hash with the Grateful Dead in their equipment truck, had Owsly himself press a tab of Orange Sunshine into the palm of my hand, and Janice Joplin took one look at me and exclaimed, “Get that bitch away from me — she’s too good-looking.” But none of those experiences can compare to meeting Jim Morrison.

It happened this way:

I was working my way through college by modeling. I got some good jobs, but mostly I accepted whatever bookings my agent could get for me in a backwater town like Atlanta was in those days. Atlanta was having it’s first “Film Festival” and I was booked to be one of the award bimbos. You know what I mean, something pretty in the background that steps forward at the appropriate moment to hand the honoree their plaque and then gently leads them off the stage when their acceptance speech goes on for too long. The event took place at the Regency Hyatt ballroom.

I packed my bag the night before and came straight from classes to arrive on time, changing into something slinky and applying my stage make-up in the ladies’ room across the atrium from the ballroom entrance.

I figured the evening was going to be exceptionally boring and since it didn’t take any brains to be a bimbo I thought I’d make the evening more interesting by dropping a small hit of acid. I lounged around the ladies’ room until I started to get off and it was time to report in. At the same time I entered the atrium and started to walk toward the ballroom, a man came out of the ballroom and started walking toward the men’s room behind me.

Under the influence, the atrium was distorted and seemed immense. I started to feel like I’d been walking across that terracotta tiled floor my entire life. And the one focal point of that endless progress was the man coming toward me. He swaggered — languidly. His arms and legs moved with a loose grace. His hair was dark, hanging to his shoulders and then flipping up and out. He had a full, thick beard as dark as his hair. He was wearing black cowboy boots, black leather pants, a denium shirt open to the navel and a brown suede jacket. I thought he was definitely a studly dude but a bit too overt to be my type.

As we walked closer I noted the sensual pout of his lips, the delicacy of his cheek bones and depth of his eyes. There was a medieval quality to him, a resemblance to Michelangelo’s David.

As the distance between us closed, we locked eyes, literally. I looked into his eyes and could not glance away. Thin blue rims accented dilated black holes that threatened  to pull me down, down, and away. I knew, recognized instinctively, that the guy was as high as I was.

We came less than three feet apart and he broke the spell he held me in by speaking. “You my kind,” was all he said.

My knees buckled under the full force of his sexual magnetism but I kept walking and like ships in the night we passed each other, gliding to our respective destinations. By the time I entered the ballroom, it hit me: That was Jim Morrison! Ye Gods!

This was confirmed immediately by the other bimbos gathered behind the stage. Giggling like school girls, they chirped, “Isn’t he gorgeous?” and “I wouldn’t mind being taken advantage of by him?” Etc. He was there because his film, “A Feast of Friends,” had been nominated for an award.

There were five of us and we lined up at the foot of the steps to the stage. Like some kind of relay race, we were each, in turn, handed a plaque and climbed the steps to the stage, crossed to its center, handed the winner their award and led them off the other side of the stage. On that side, we stood for a moment to have a photo taken with the winner then walked around behind the stage and took our place at the end of the line, moving forward til our next circuit up, over, down, camera-flash, and back around. I had been right about the boredom factor. But I was in a lovely trance watching multi-colored fireflies buzzing in the darkness off-stage and when I had my moments on center stage I had a good vantage point in which to view Morrison’s increasingly out-of-control behavior.

It appeared that he and his entourage had been given a central table in the banquet style proceedings. Even if they had not been the center of attention, Morrison would have commanded it by repeatedly bursting forth with obscenities and drunken belches. At one point, while I waited patiently for the award winner in the Best Film Editing category to finish thanking all of his relatives and friends, Morrison was shaking up champagne bottles and spraying their contents on those unfortunate enough to have been granted a table near his. I thought, what an asshole.

And so I glided through repeated circuits, up, over, and down, flash and around until the next category was Short Documentary and the plaque put in my hands read, “Jim Morrison. Feast of Friends.”

I took my position center-stage as the MC announced the winner. What happened next has been chronicled by at least one of Morrison’s biographers who described me as “devastatingly cute.” Morrison climbed onto his banquet table, jumped over to the table in front of his, and then leaped onto the stage like a tripped-out Errol Flynn in a pirate movie.

Paying no heed to the plaque in my hands, he grabbed me under one arm and proceeded to thank the festival for giving him such a great award. Slurring words and barely coherent, he still made it clear that I was his award!

I can’t remember his actual words; I was in a state bordering shock. He French-kissed me wantonly and tongued my face like a Saint Bernard reviving a ski accident victim. He dropped his room key between my breasts  and said, “See ya’ later upstairs.”

The MC and at least two other men from the wings assisted Morrison in leaving the stage with me still in his clutches. Later I got a copy of the photo that was taken and it was a close contest between which of us had the most dilated pupils, Morrison’s or mine.

He was somehow detached from me and made surly by the separation. Before the final awards were handed out, he, and his party, were forcibly removed from the banquet hall. But I didn’t get to witness his final acts. After my rough treatment, I was not required to make another circuit and sat dazed until the proceedings broke up.

Released from their duties the other bimbos rushed to my side, gushing about my good fortune. It was unanimously decided that I should, without any reservation, use the room key for it’s intended purpose.

I wasn’t a virgin then but I wasn’t a whore. Back in the ladies’ room, I changed into my street clothes, removed my stage make-up and thought about it long and hard. Hell, I wasn’t even a Doors’ fan. There was no denying the man’s sex appeal but he was an ill-mannered, uncouth jerk. I looked at the room key and thought I ought to return it to him and see what happened. Privately, he might be a reasonable, likable guy.

I knocked on his door and he called out from inside, “Use the key. What took you so long?”

It was a regular size hotel room, not a suite. Inside there was a closet on the left and a bathroom on the right so I had to step inside the room a few paces to see him sprawled, naked, across the bed. The door swung shut behind me.

“Hey, baby, come ‘ere,” his head rolled back so he looked up at me upside down and he raised a limp arm in a come-hither gesture. I stepped around the edges of the bed, keeping my distance and lamely said, “I thought I’d return your key.”

“Well, sure,” he tried to raise himself up on one elbow and failed, “I been waitin’ for you. Come here.”

“I’m not sure I want to,” I replied a little primly as I sat down on the chair by the window. My body suddenly decided I was in no hurry to go; I felt light-headed and dizzy. He had a great body, let no one tell you otherwise. And a sizable member. He was stroking himself without noticeable effect.

“Come here and help me with this,” he said with a catch in his voice that seemed at once petulant and pitiful. I was not experienced enough to recognize that he was too drunk and drugged to perform. At my age I’d never met a limp dick and had no idea what was supposed to be done about it.

As if reading my mind, he instructed, “Come here and suck it, baby, please, ple-e-e-ze, o please baby, come and suck my cock.” He was turning his words into a song he’d never be able to play on radio. “All I need is a little help and I’ll pay you back.”

I slid from the chair to the side of the bed and put my hand around his cock, replicating his motions. He seemed harmless enough and genuinely pathetic. I wanted to help him and thought it might be good, being fucked by him.

“Help me, baby, put your mouth around me,” he pleaded, that distressed catch in his voice again. And I went down on him.

For the next two hours I followed his instructions, making smacking and slurping noises, going fast then slow, deep down and then flicking my tongue on his tip, down the side, lapping up the length of him like a big lollipop, like an ice cream cone. But he never got one wit harder than when I’d started.

At first his words had been gentle, instructing, guiding, but they became insistent and domineering as though I could give him the starch he needed if I wanted to but was holding back. The plaintive crooning turned to frustrated irritation and finally I sat up straight and spat, “Hey man, I’m not some fag hag. What’s wrong with you?”

He was too weak to even be angry. “Go on then, go on. Send in the next one.”

I said, “Huh?”

“Open the door, you’ll see, send in the next one and be on your way. It’s been grand, good-bye, good-bye.”

Sure enough, there was an actual line of girls in the hall and as I went out the next one went in. There was also a short man who anxiously wrung his hands and walked beside me to the elevator.

“How’d he do? Did you get a rise or what?”

“I beg your pardon,” I was pretty frustrated and more than a little irritated, “Who are you?”

He said something about being a personal friend and manager and how he was “concerned about Jim” and went on in a tumble of words about it not being my fault, that “Jim’s on medication and he’s been having difficulties.”

“O wow,” I said as I got on the elevator, “I feel sorry for him. What a bummer, being a famous sex symbol and not getting off, how ironic. It’s like finding out Marilyn Monroe was frigid.”

“You won’t tell anyone, will you?” The little man held the elevator doors open, giving me a pleading expression.

“Are you kidding?” I laughed, “I live at home and my parents still think I’m a virgin. Jim’s secret is safe with me.”

This is Personal…

Not political. As some of you may have noticed from various diaries and comments I’ve made here and on dKos, my husband, Sam, and I have been going thru a stressful period.  Sam works for a large IT services provider and in November he learned that his current contract was set to expire and that he would be laid off at the end of March. That deadline got extended to May 9th. Starting in January, he applied for other positions within his company, most of them clustered around the DC area, and we waited anxiously to see if he would get a new contract. We put a rental property in Macon, GA, and our house in Roswell, GA up for sale so that we would be liquid, debt-free and ready to re-locate wherever.

Behind it all, we are hoping to change our lifestyle: we want a small organic farm that can contribute to our own self-sufficiency and develop into an income-earning venture by the time Sam retires in 8 years. We believe that the rising cost of gas and oil are going to usher in a re-birth of small farms using time-tested, pre-oil-dependence methods. And, even if we are wrong about that, we’ll still have a good life, living in harmony with Mother Earth.

I cannot convey in words how distressing the past four and a half months have been. We made numerous trips up to DC for face-to-face interviews and searches for affordable farming land. The cost of real estate in Northern Virginia is so outrageous that we were confronted with the possibility of only being able to afford a few acres of land and living in a travel trailer.  It was a grim prospect but, fortunately, none of those job opportunities worked out. In all cases, they hired someone less experienced and, frankly, cheaper than Sam.

Then, two weeks ago Sam noticed a contract opening in Lynchburg, VA and applied for it. At first, I was nervous; the only thing I knew about Lynchburg was that Jerry Falwell lives there. A lot of the real estate agents have crosses and fishes artfully interwoven with their logos. Ugh!

But, the more I researched the place, the more excited I became. It’s beautiful country, snug against the Blue Ridge Mountains. Instead of clearing land and building a house, I found small, established farms for sale for under $150K. There are already a few organic farmers in the area just to confirm that our goals can be realized. I looked up the ’04 election results and was surprised to discover that Kerry only lost by 5% so this is pure purple territory and our votes could make a real difference.  

The days clicked by and the tension grew so thick in our house that Sam and I had trouble even looking at each other. Suddenly, SUDDENLY, over the last 10 ten days everything has come together. The house in Macon is set to close on Monday. We got our first offer on this house on Friday. And Sam got the job in Lynchburg! Woo Hoo! We’re moving in three weeks!

We’re currently investigating a 30 acre farm for sale 20 miles south of Sam’s job.  Somehow I don’t think there’ll be broadband in the neighborhood and I might have to drive up to a McDonald’s in Lynchburg to access a WiFi hotspot on my laptop. Oh, blog withdrawal is going to be horrible! But, hey, there’ll be garden plots to till, baby chicks to keep warm and sunsets behind the Blue Ridge Mountains to cleanse my angst-ridden soul.

Now, for some fun: Sam is crazy about getting a flock of Araucanas, a.k.a, Easter Egg Chickens. Native to Chile, these birds lay eggs with shells in a range of colors from pale green to turquoise blue. Sam thinks everyone will want green eggs with their ham. LOL! So I ask you… Would you buy blue eggs?

Mind. Blown.

I’ve been mostly avoiding the cable news circus for the last couple of weeks. But, yesterday evening I was folding laundry and turned on the Abrams Report on MSNBS. In between showing a CAT scan of Schiavo’s brain that looked like a Rorschach ink blot fringed by a thin line of gray matter — while allowing some idiot to suggest she retained higher brain functions — the show cut away to a memorial service in Florida. And there was Randall Terry playing keyboard and singing a song he wrote about God, The Father, caressing him and running his fingers thru his hair. I thought, satire is dead, just before my mind disassociated from my body slightly and hovered over its left shoulder.

Hardball passed in a blur as I waited for Keith Olbermann to come on and restore my connection to reality. Now I admit that I was literally NOT in my right mind but it seemed that Countdown was seriously whacked last night and I need some feedback from others who saw the show. I mean, did Keith, or did he not, swerve back and forth between Schiavo and the Pope drawing connections between diverse dots? I mean, was Keith, or was he not, borderline unhinged last night? And why was he so angry? I couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t focus on his position, couldn’t get Randall Terry’s erotic hymn to god out of my mind long enough to figure out what the heck was wrong with Keith.

Help me out, folks.

Why are we over here?

Instead of over there at dKos? I’ve always been an admirer of Booman’s connect-the-dots conspiracy diaries and so I didn’t hesitate to sign on here. The site itself has distilled all the best aspects of the dKos set-up and added some embellishments that are truly fine. But, somehow, I think I missed the Mission Statement and I’m wondering what others think.

Are we here just so we can splash with the frog in a smaller pond?

Is this just going to be a kind of mirror site? Reading the same diaries there and here is getting redundant. Why not offer original diaries here and don’t post them there? Okay, fewer comments, less ego-boo here but, if we’re going to build another community, our foundation has to be solidly our own, doesn’t it?

I’d like to hear from Booman, MaryScott and Paster Dan about what inspired them to put this together. I’d also like to hear from anyone else about what they’d like this site to become.

Best Laid Plans

This is NOT political so you have the option now of clicking away.

Otherwise, this is kinda funny.
I have been expecting my second grandchild for the past week. My daughter and I are in Atlanta and my son, his wife and my first grandson are in Alexandria, VA. So the plan was: when we heard that labor had started, my daughter and I would grab our bags, jump in my car and drive up — most probably before the baby would be born given the length of natural childbirth.

So, it’s St. Patrick’s Day and my daugher works in an Irish Pub. I call her cell phone and leave a message then I call the Pub. The woman who answered said, “I can’t even see her,” at the top of her lungs, “I can’t even see the opposite wall! I’ll tell her you called if I can find her!”

And where was I when I got the call from my son? In my local Pub, of course. So driving is quite simply out of the equation.

Ah well, best laid plans oft go awry, some Scot said that and they’re related to the Irish altho they hate to admit it.

The up side is that this grandchild is likely to wait until after midnight and come into the world on my birthday.

Just thought I’d share and if this is not appropriate to the site… well, fuck it.

Update: It’s a boy! And he waited until 1:18 am so it’s a happy birthday for me.