yes, virginia, there is a war on christmas

[ed. note: this is a reprint of the famous 1897 column from the national review online. we think it is as relevant to today’s issues as it was back then]

we take great pleasure in answering at once the communication below, expressing at the same time great gratification that its author is numbered among the friends of nro:

“i am 8 years old. some of my liberal friends say there is no war on christmas. they say it’s just another code-word-filled wedge distraction to keep us from discussing real issues like iraq, the deficit, the patriot act, katrina and the administrations abysmal record on human rights. papa says, ‘if you see it on the internets, it’s so.’ please tell me the truth, is there a war on christmas?”

virginia o’scamlon
 

virginia, your liberal friends are wrong. they have been affected by the secularism of a secular age. they do not believe except what michael moore tells them. they think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their godless minds.
yes, virginia, there is a war on christmas.

it exists as certainly as lesbian feminazi’s who want to abort all the babies in the world exist, it exists as certainly as communist jewish pinkos who want to force children to worship satan in the schools exist. alas! how dreary would the world be if there were no war on christmas! it would be as dreary as if there were no loofas or falafels. there would be no unquestioning faith in republicans, no pollack jokes, no unfettered greed to make tolerable this tenuous economy. the eternal light with which childishness fills the american dream would be extinguished.

not believe in the war on christmas! you might as well not believe in the war on terror. you might get your papa to hire men to watch all the malls during december to catch godless communists trying to force people to say “kwanzaa hannukah ramadan,” but even if you didn’t see anybody try to wrestle christ away from the true believers at the gap, what would that prove? nobody ever sees secular heathens actually try to drink the blood of christian children, but that is no sign there is no war on christmas. the most real things in the world are those that neither logical men nor rush limbaugh can see. did you ever see jesus ride a dinosaur? of course not, but that’s no proof that he didn’t. nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are available only to the truly faithful, who shall delight in watching their enemies be smitten down in flames when the lord takes his rightful place in the mall.

you can tear apart a david brooks argument and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the most evil liberal, nor even the united strength of all the hateful secularists and the aclu and all godless jews who ever lived could ever tear apart. only undying allegiance to talk radio, complete loyalty to fox news and our beloved leader, george w. bush, can push aside that curtain and view the eternal joy of the beauty of the faithful, rejoicing by god’s side as the evil-doers burn in torment, including those who watch the daily show and listen to al franken.

is the war on christmas real? ah, virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real.

no war on christmas? thank god it lives forever and ever, as long as filthy multi-culturalistic pedophiles want to keep christ out of the malls in december. a thousand years from now, virginia, nay, 6,000 years from now, because the earth itself is only 6,000 years old, the war on christmas will continue to make glad the heart of neocons all over.  

the democrats are just plain stupid

the repubbblican national committee has just released a new commercial basically calling the democrats cowards. cybercast news service:

the 60-second ad includes recent comments made by prominent democrats, including democratic national committee chairman howard dean and sens. barbara boxer (calif.) and john kerry (mass.).

a white flag, symbolizing surrender, waves across each of their faces before they speak about the war.

and what do the democrats do about it? change the subject.  we expound further after the jump:
terry mcauliffe, former dnc chairman, on wolf blitzer tonight! does an admirable job of not addressing this issue [ed. note: all emphasis, but none of the stupidity, ours]:

wolf blitzer: joining us here, the former democratic national committee chairman terry mcauliffe and republican strategist ed rogers.

guys, thanks very much for joining us. it’s raising a white flag. you saw that rnc ad. it makes you guys look like a bunch of cowards.

terry mcauliffe, former dnc chairman: well, first of all, this is a little web video by the rnc. the question i have is that republican senator chuck hagel, republican senator john mccain, have said it’s not working in iraq. so is the next video going to be john mccain with a white flag? it going to be chuck hagel with a white flag?

so, instead of addressing the actual accusation of dem cowardice, terry simply asks (and politely, we might add) if two repubbblicans also deserve a “white flag.”

we don’t know about you, but if someone called us cowards, we wouldn’t refer to the “rubber v. glue” argument.  we’d actually bring up facts.  more on this later.

then, on the same program, after wolf “how’s my beard” blitzer manages to make howard dean the subject of the conversation, terry has smoke blown up his ass by repubbb ed rogers:

blitzer: … go to the rnc web site and look at it all day. let’s talk a little bit about your successor, howard dean. you had a different style when you were the party chairman.

rogers: and effective style.

mcauliffe: thank you, ed

rogers: i’ll say what terry can’t. he’s a marginalized figure, he’s not raising the money. at the end of the day, that’s a big part of how you keep score for being a party chairman. no matter what you say about terry mcauliffe, at the end of the day, he brought in the money. dean’s not doing that. plus, he’s saying all this crazy stuff. he’s not going to be there in ’08. he’s not going to make it.

at this juncture, we have to point out that all three gentlemen let that false meme ride. of course, the repubbs have a reason for letting dean look weak, and since it’s mcauliffe’s own record at stake, we can understand why he let the falsehood lay on the floor without correcting it.

but, as chris bowers pointed out, dean actually cut the repubbb fundraising advantage from 3:1 under mcauliffe to 2:1, and kos tells us howard outraised terry by $11 mill compared to the same point in the previous cycle.

wolfie, aren’t you supposed to be a journalist?

however, we digress from our original premise, ie, democrats are stupid. here’s why we suggest such a radical idea: the repubbbs have once again handed the dems an opportunity to slap the gop down with their own words and tactics.  and, we doubt that they will seize it.

the easiest and sanest way to counter an ad like the white flag spot the rnc is running is to simply run one that lists the truth. for example:

open on a television set sitting in a black, dimly-lit room. the rnc “white flag” ad begins to appear on the set.

announcer: you’ve seen the republican ad implying the democrats are cowards. let’s look at the record, shall we?

the words and statistics appear superimposed over the dark room as the announcer lists them, one by one.

announcer: paul wolfowitz – never served. andy card – never served. karl rove – never served. rush limbaugh – medical deferment, due to anal cyst. tom delay – never served. dennis hastert – medical deferment, due to bad knees. sean hannity – never served. bill o’reilly – never served. dick cheney – never served, thanks to five deferments. george w. bush – spent viet nam years in texas, serving in the air national guard, without reporting for duty for his alabama assignment.

the announcer’s voice grows softer and under, as a new announcer intones:

2nd announcer: who are the real cowards?

fade out

but the dems won’t do that.

they’re stupid.

seigenthaler vs. the internets: stop the whining already!

by now you have probably heard that john seigenthaler, once a part of robert kennedy’s staff, was amazed to read on wikipedia that he was involved in both kennedy assassinations.

seigenthaler was so righteously incensed, that he did what any established inside-the-beltway millionaire would do…he wrote an op-ed piece in usatoady decrying the internets.

our discussion of why this was the journalistic equivalent of using a shotgun on a fly, after the jump:
wikipedia, for those of you who are as cyber-savvy as john seigenthaler, is an open-source website on which anyone can add entries, to help create a communal fount of resource information on all topics. it’s essentially, a communal encyclopedia in which all of us who take the time are contributors and editors.

the great thing about wikipedia is that it is designed to be self-correcting…if someone adds something that is erroneous, or down right malicious, it is but a matter of time before somebody else spots it and corrects it.

the vast majority of contributors to wikipedia try to maintain a neutral position on facts, and, by in large, it’s working. there have been a few recent incidents of unscrupulous partisans trying to add derogatory remarks to specific entries, but the self-correcting aspect of the wiki takes care of these aberrations quickly.

apparently, though, not quickly enough for john seigenthaler. the misinformation made it from the wiki over to answers.com and reference.com, where it stayed for several weeks. seigenthaler went on a personal quest to erase false information about himself from the internets, going so far as to trace the ip of the unknown biographer to an isp (southwest bell) which remained particularly unhelpful in identifying the miscreant.

so poor john seigenthaler has nasty stuff about himself on the internets for a few months, and was powerless to do anything about it, except take it off. which brings us to our point.

anybody who actually bothers to read on wikipedia would know its nature of collaborative effort and self-correction. for john seigenthaler to complain to wiki creator jimmy wales because something on the site was incorrect, is rather like walking into a classroom and deciding to sue the school system because someone wrote “seigenthaler is a doody-head” on the chalk board. gee, john, just erase it.

we are not ones to belittle those who have worked for our country’s behalf in any administration, but to be totally honest, we never even heard of john seigenthaler, sr., until this brou-ha-ha. and it seems a little over-reationary to call a wikipedia entry libelous. john, are you going to sue the people who spread rumors about your total lack of hipness as well?

it is our opinion that those unable to consider the source when reading false information about themselves (especially on the internets, where, after all, the biggest product is porn), probably have too much time on their hands, not to mention an over-inflated sense of self.

wait, this information is incorrect! or at least incomplete!

mrs. skippy hates hillary – a skippy musing

we’ve posted elsewhere how skippy’s wife, registered democrat, good liberal with a liberal voting record, has said on several occasions she would rather vote for geena davis than hillary clinton for president.

but today, it gets even worse (for hill, that is).

we explain after the jump:

mrs. skippy was talking about seeing maureen dowd on some c-span book show earlier this morning. (tho mrs. skippy finds maureen funnier than we do, we agreed there is less to ms. dowd than meets the eye).  

mrs. skippy said maureen mentioned the tickets in 2008 will be hillary/obama versus condaleeza rice/mccain.

we waxed eloquently on how rice would not possibly be the choice for the repubbbs, as her track record as sec. of state is abysmal by any sane standards.  we opined that we would favor assassination of the head of whichever of those hypothetical tickets won the election.

but here’s where it get sticky for hill.  now, remember, mrs. skippy has been a registered democrat all her life.  she has always voted the party line, and worked for good, democratic causes.

but she said this morning, if those hypothetical tickets were to come to pass, she would rather vote for rice than hillary clinton.

we were shocked.  but not surprised.  mrs. skippy’s distaste for hillary would overcome her allegiance to the party, should condi rice be the repubbb nominee.

mrs. skippy sees condi as a woman of accomplishment and experience, and just cannot stand hill.

now, please rest assured, we do not write this diary to add to the “we hate hillary” club oevuere.  there’s plenty of that around.  and our opinions of hillary are not the point here.

rather, we offer this as a cautionary tale to those who support hillary.  

we imagine mrs. skippy to represent the regular democratic voter.  she does not concern herself with inside the beltway mechinations, and indeed, often (but lovingly…usually) accuses us of spending far too much time blogging and not enough time pay attention to her.

she is well-read, and intelligent, but, after all, has a pretty full life and cannot (or chooses not to) invest herself in all the minutae of politics and politicos.  ergo, she is pretty much a normal, everyday, common american democrat.

and if she hates hillary enough to vote for condi rice in an imaginary face-off, what does that say for hill’s chances with all of america?

of course, mrs. skippy could be an outlier (she is, in more ways than one).  but we hold her to be the canary in the coal mine, the finger that takes the temperature of what regular outside-the-beltway democrats are thinking.

we all know that those in washington are the last to know what the rest of the country is doing.  is the push for hillary in 2008 just another (self-defeating) example of this?

is maureen dowd necessary? (w/poll!) – a skippy musing

while most of the left side of blogtopia (yes! we coined that phrase!) was busy watching howard dean on jay leno wednesday night, we, being the contrarians we are, tuned into david letterman. much to our chagrin, there sat maureen dowd, tartly dressed, sorry, we mean smartly dressed, in a lavender slip-like affair that looked more like she was auditioning for a victoria secrets’ christmas campaign than discussing national politics.

maureen, of course, was plugging her new book (about the battle between the sexes) more than weighing in on the policies and issues of the day, but still, one would think that a new york times op-ed columnist, especially one that made thackery-references about judith miller’s propensity to sleep her way to the top, would not want to look like an over-the-hill call girl herself when appearing on national tv.

certainly, ms. dowd is not an unattractive person. but she certainly suffered from having to follow charleze “aeon flux” theron, who knew how to dress elegantly and yet provacatively, in her red evening gown that at least looked like she could go somewhere besides to bed in it.

more after the jump:
of course, there is more to ms. dowd than her wardrobe, but after all, it is she (and the times) who are cultivating the “what if betty friedman were a babe” persona for the marketing of her latest tome. she even takes credit for single-handedly making feminism relevant again. we are not kidding! from radar online’s interview with her:

radar online: are you surprised by the response to your book?

maureen dowd: i’m proud that i’ve revived feminism.

oh, you’re the one! thanks for putting us straight on that. we guess naomi wolf can just go start her own clothing line for target now.

and so we mention her dress for two reasons: the first, and most obvious, is to be catty. but the second, and most important, is that “catty” is as “catty” does. ms. dowd, in her columns, tends to favor the cheap joke over the pithy analysis, the snide remark over the hard points.

we do admit that ms. dowd was one of the first inside the nytimes to call judith miller out for miller’s convoluted involvement in the plame-leaking scandal, and her sloppy, if not downright made-up, reporting on the lead up to the iraqi war. and by being such, maureen is held by many people on the left in high esteem.

( media matters, however, does take issue with the times giving dowd a forum to rip miller, but not returning the favor to judith.)

but those dowd-loving folks seem to have long term memory problems, as it was maureen who helped lead the charge against bill clinton for having the same sort of consensual sex she was dressing for on the letterman show (and in the nytimes magazine).

and ms. dowd, with all her laser-sharp focus on sexual innuendo that only english majors could understand, does not a thing towards fixing, or even addressing, really, the problems that lead the times to the situation it found itself in.

here’s anecdotal evidence from daw13’s dkos diary reporting on dowd’s visit to austin, texas, last month:

reading from a prepared script, [dowd] asserted immediately that of course the public needs journalists — now more than ever, for reasons she’d already editorialized about — the incumbent’s idiocies, indelicacies, and indecencies mainly. she made no reference to suspicions of journalistic collusion in the processes of neoconisn, of journalistic cooptation, of journalistic helplessness, patheticness or sycophancy. these suspicions floating among the un-braindead segment of the citizenry were presumably a good part of the reason for the overflow crowd on this particular evening. after exactly seven minutes (i later learned) she finished and the floor was opened for questions and answers. the crowd was silent.

all eyes focused on the lone questioner already stationed at the southern aisle microphone. a gray haired, imposing figure, it was none other than renowned muckraking journalist molly ivins. when ms. ivins asked if ms. dowd felt that journalists had been increasingly gutless since 911, sighs of relief could be heard around the auditorium. now it would begin, surely. this must have been planned. the real lecture would begin now and the issues we’d come to hear explored would be thoroughly aired. how sick is journalism? what is the prognosis?

ms. dowd rested her chin on her elbows at the speaker’s podium and explained to ms. ivins that journalists are human, and therefore understandably torn between a supportive and a critical stance toward their government. this dilemma seemed to be resolving itself, however, and did not appear to present a significant problem. this all took less than two minutes, and that was it. in the view of this writer, ms. dowd dispensed with molly ivins, her senior, more blooded, more honored, and by any reasonable standards, far mightier wielder of the pen — with a quip and a head toss. ms. ivins sat down.

we in my row stared at each other aghast, and attended to the lines of people now at the microphones, aching to hear ms. ivins challenge re-stated and reinforced. a teenaged woman asked why ms. dowd had decided to go into journalism; a thirty-five year old man asked how she went about her daily tasks; various people asked for her learned opinions concerning current events and life in general, which ms. dowd afforded — always with wit and style, in two seconds flat.

finally, i couldn’t stand it, so i joined the line and asked if we might get back to molly ivin’s question. for instance, did ms. dowd disagree with arianna huffington that perhaps judith miller was only a part of the process involved in delivering the new york times to the administration as a lapdogspokesorgan, and could ms. miller’s bosses, and ms. dowd’s for that matter possibly have been deeply involved? most important to me, and the community college students i had brought — about 30 attended, to my delight, and horror — was whether investigative journalism of such things as, um….journalism itself, was even possible — in her opinion? people clapped and said good for me, one lady even patted me on the shoulder. ms dowd explained to me, not unkindly, that she was an editorialist, and not an editor. we might want to invite some of the nyt editors themselves to address my type of question, although she felt confident (presenting no evidence for this) that her bosses were attending to the matters of my concern in credible fashion.

we are of the opinion that this dismissive attitude in favor of the quip and flirt reflects ms. dowd’s writing to a tee.

now, lest we be accused of a double standard, we must pause to clarify. certainly pundits and analysts are allowed to relax now and then, and wax poetic on subjects other than what the gao is investigating this week.  george will loves baseball.  we understand that.  eric alterman loves john fogerty.  we have a harder time with that one, but to each his own.  maureen dowd is allowed to love sex, and the tumultuous relationship between the genders in their pursuit thereof. who doesn’t?

but please, spare us the martyrdom of being too smart for men, maureen!

“i get plenty of dates. but, i don’t know, maybe i might get a lot more if i didn’t criticize men for a living” was dowd’s opening statement, which franken parried with, “you’re beautiful.”

well, yeah, she is, compared to al franken.

and, yes, we are certainly not ones to dismiss the use of snark, bad jokes and snide remarks in writing. indeed, snide is the glass that our blog house is made of, and we are not ones who can afford throwing “holier-and-better-writers-than-thou” stones at anyone, if we can mix our metaphors to the point of breaking.

however, after all is said and done, we are dismayed at ms. dowd’s insistence on using sex to sell her stature (or is it the other way around?) as a national voice in the political debate.  susan salter reynolds, reviewing dowd’s book in the latimes, puts her finger exactly on how we feel about ms. dowd’s body of work as a whole (please, no jokes):

were she more willing to engage, dowd could use “are men necessary?” to get at some important questions, like: does feminism represent a wrong turn for women? instead, she settles for the glib. “(w)as the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? do women get less desirable as they get more successful?” she asks early in the book…

dowd takes a sort of comedy central, take-my-wife-please approach to her writing, always going for the easy laugh. she skips from oprah to uma to enron to martha to ferraro to condi, relying on a dangerous combination of movie quotes, tv references and media-speak. sooner or later, though, it all winds down to the same trite “conclusion”: “once women were pleased when men whistled at them. now men are displeased when women blow whistles on them.”

it doesn’t hold together. even after having read the book twice, i’m hard-pressed to say what much of it’s about.

dowd’s writing style, with the quick personal jab, the shallow joke devoid of further investigation, the complete lack of taking any responsibility for being part of the access media rather than attempting to fix it with something more than bon mots, puts her less in the class of a buckley or brock and more in line with a buchwald or borowitz (or bush kangaroo).

not that there’s anything wrong with that. but then they, and we, aren’t op-ed columnists for the nytimes. and perhaps the question is, why is she?

ah-nold trounced even worse than suspected

 
the laweekly tells us that, since absentee ballots are still being counted in caleefornia, it’s turning out that gov. ah-nold got his butt kicked even worse than anybody thought.  excerpts from the article, and our thoughts, after the jump:

so the numbers keep coming in, and factoring in the late returns, the results are quietly astounding. the biggest story is turnout. in each of the other two special elections (that is, elections featuring ballot measures but no candidates) in california over the past two decades, turnout was roughly 37 percent. schwarzenegger’s consultants assumed that this time around, inasmuch as turnout has been steadily declining in state and out over the past four decades, they could count on 36 percent of voters actually bothering to participate. the consultants for the unions who ran the campaigns against schwarzenegger’s measures figured that they had to boost turnout at least to 41 percent. in the days before the election, the office of secretary of state bruce mcpherson figured that perhaps 42 percent of voters would cast ballots, and that was the figure most commonly cited on election day itself.

and they were all wrong. as the count proceeded this past weekend, the percentage of california voters who cast ballots was up to 47.3 percent. when the count’s all done — the county registrars have to wrap it up by december 8 — that figure may be close to 48 percent, 11 points higher than each of the two preceding specials…

it’s also a testament to the scope and efficacy of the campaign the unions ran to pull their voters — and not just union members, but black, latino and progressive voters more generally — to the polls. in l.a. county, not only was the turnout surprisingly high, but the margins against arnold’s measures were huge. as of this weekend, proposition 74, extending the probationary period for teachers, was losing by 22.8 percent among l.a. county voters; proposition 75, curtailing unions’ ability to wage election campaigns, was trailing by 23.2 percent; proposition 76, limiting funding on schools and giving the governor unilateral power to cut spending, was down by 35.6 percent; and proposition 77, establishing a mid-decade reapportionment, was behind by 32 percent.

 the article goes on to mention the latimes’ new hard tack to the right (under new management), and thereby how out of touch with its core readership the paper is now appearing. the op-ed page not only endorsed 3 of ah-nold’s 4 propositions, the editors, after the loss, chided, derided and broad-sided the citizenry of the state for failing to pass them.