Open Letter to Joe Biden

(crossposted to DailyKos)

Dear Joe,

Took note of your comments about Howard Dean on Imus this morning.

Is it true that he does the show sitting on the john?

Anyway, you said this:

“A lot of things he does say, I agree with,” Biden said. But he also said that Dean “has views that are slightly different than mine … But look, he’s a lightning rod. … It’s probably good that there’s a guy out there that’s a lightning rod … .”

Biden, however, added that he thinks “the rhetoric is counterproductive.”

“I think this country has a purple heart, not a red heart or a blue heart,” Biden said. “If we can’t bring this (country) together, man, boy, we’re really in deep trouble.”

My humble thoughts, Joe, after the fold.
Okay, ready?

Sit up. Rub the sleep from your eyes.

Good. Now go ahead and wash that Geritol down with plenty of water.

Got some on your chin there, Joe. Got it, good boy.

Was it a good nappy-bye? Did you have sweet dreams? Good. Now mosey on over to the window and open the blinds and tell me what you see.

Ho, that’s right, Joe! Lookie there! We’re already in deep trouble!

In fact, “deep trouble” doesn’t even begin to describe it! And here you are, prattling on from what can only be described as a state of narcoleptic detachment about our country’s “purple heart.”

I know lots of people with purple hearts, Joe, myself included. But our hearts aren’t purple for the reason you think. Unlike you, it’s not because we still can’t decide whether we want to be Republicans or Democrats when we grow up, and we’ve just decided to go ahead and be both, or neither. It isn’t because we believe that if we just join hands and sing Tracy Chapman songs, the world’s troubles will melt away.

Our hearts are purple because our hearts are bruised, Joe. Bruised and battered.

Our hearts are bruised and battered from watching triangulating Vichy Democrat surrender monkeys like you and Joe Lieberman leap at opportunity after opportunity to cut the legs out from under any voice for genuine opposition that emerges in the ranks of our own party.

Howard Dean is crass.  So what.

Howard Dean doesn’t softshoe, all Bidenesque, through every conceivable position on an issue before landing on a safe quasi-opinion that’s sure to offend no one but those with conviction.  So what.

So what?

Don’t you see?

Don’t you see that this is the fight for the survival of everything that makes America America? Our Constitution is under frontal and flankside assault by men who want to replace it with the Bible. Our fellow citizens are looking to you, Joe — TO YOU! — to decide what to think and feel and do (if anything) about the Downing Street Minutes. Our economy is sputtering, Social Security remains under attack, suicide bombers are swarming out of the woodwork in Iraq, American support in the world is at a historical low, we’re sending the alter-ego of the Unibomber to the UN, and yet instead of taking a polite pass at the dangling worm and instead hammering home the godawful and chilling and horrific truth of what this Republican machine hath wrought, you continue to deign to answer questions about the decorum of your own brothers and sisters.

We know why you’re so concerned with decorum. You want to be President. It’s okay that you won’t admit it, it’s obvious. But you saw what happened to the last triangulator who aspired to that office. We’ve been down that path, Joe. It leads to a cold, dark nowhere.

You don’t have to agree with Howard Dean, Joe. You don’t have to march in lockstep. You don’t have to approve of his decorum when asked privately. That’s not what we’re asking. What we’re asking is that you at least take your boot off our purple hearts by refusing to swallow bait when offered. There’s plenty of other stuff to talk about, so quit chewing on Howard.

Just stop. Okay?

Stop it.

Really.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Sincerely…