[promoted by BooMan, because this diary weighs the same as a duck]
Welcome to this week’s edition of Chiller Theater.
Turn the lights down low. Put on your spookiest music and join me for a trip into Carnacki’s House of Horrors.*
*This is not a rip off of Cheers & Jeers. This is a blatant rip off of Cheers and Jeers. Except it’s Thrills and Chills and it’s got a supernatural theme.
Thrills to the Serpent Mound in Ohio. The Moundbuilders may have built the site over a meteor crash.
Chills to Amityville tourists. The New York Daily News reports interest in the new Amityville movie has drawn unsavory horror fans to the quiet Long Island neighborhood. Hey you kids, get off my lawn!
Thrills to Sarah Michelle Gellar. The vampire slayer celebrated her 28th birthday this week. If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
Chills to going for the jugular. A man in Lytham, England tries to bite a woman’s neck in a “vampire style” attack, according to Blackpool Police. Oh sure, blame the Un-dead. Somebody alert the Vampire Anti-Defamation League.
Thrills to residents stopping a development project in Wrexham, England, that once was the site of a witches’ dunking pond. The BBC reports the site may have been where witches were tested and possibly drowned. Residents opposed the development because it would increase traffic. Increased traffic? A likely story. That ancient curse had nothing to do with it. (OK, I made up the part about the curse. But if there were witches killed there, they probably did curse the site like in the Vincent Price classic The Haunted Palace.)
Chills to blood red state values. A Texas mother reported her son to the authorities, saying he belonged to a vampire cult that planned to kill and bathe in the victim’s blood. Sounds like a typical Tom DeLay Republican to me.
So what are you thrilling and chilling about?
Go watch the Garbage video.
Take this test
Really tough for this Pagan studying the stuff to take that test though….
Hmmm now where did I put my eye of Newt – I found my bat wings in Carnacki’s attic shhh don’t tell him he’s my new source
;^0
Now that the Wrexham pond is closed, they send all their witches thirty miles down the coast to us here for dunking.
You can see them coming out of the pubs in Caernarfon at eleven thirty at night, properly dunked. And the Gollum like creatures with ’em.
Somehow I ended up being 100% witch. Funny, my friends say, I don’t look Wiccan.
Hey, how did this carrot get on the end of my nose? . . .
This isn’t my nose! See, it’s a false one!
Well, we did do the nose… and the hat… but she’s a witch! Yeah! Burn her!
I don’t know how to read the results…
Guess that means you’re dragging me off to be burned!
whimpers and cowers in her corner….
It said:
A WITCH!
You are: 46% made of wood, and 7 bridges can be made out of you. Also you’re right about witches 13% of the time, and 42 smart.
Anybody need a bridge? I’m available.
Speaking of ducks…has anyone eaten their tongues? Apparently there is a market for it. Talk about giving someone the chills.
There’s a market for everything.
The Japanese have developed a taste for barnacles.
So on the BC coast, out come the barnacle scrapers to rid the world of one more species.
So I just had to look and see if I could find any recipes for barnacles. No luck yet, but I did find this:
“Before cooking barnacles, thoroughly rinse them, rubbing gently to dislodge any sand. Most recipes call for quick cooking, either by boiling, steaming or grilling. Barnacles may be served hot, cold or at room temperature, usually with a simple embellishment of melted butter or any sauce commonly used for other crustaceans. To eat, peel off the outer skin, then bite off the neck. When removing the skin, a soupçon of orange (fabric-staining) liquid sometimes spurts out, so be cautious. The flavor of barnacles is compared variously to that of crab, lobster or shrimp.”
Bite off neck. Avoid orange liquid. Got it. Tastes like crab or lobster? Hmmm … btw, the same article says we farm barnacles here in WA state.
We gather all sorts of shell fish from around the coast here.
And sell it all to the French. All of it 🙂
Make of that what you will.
orange (fabric-staining) liquid sometimes spurts out
CHILLS: “The Revenge of the Barnacles”
Movie Thriller
See a whole town covered in fabric staining liquid…
Reminds me of one of my favorite films, “Night of the Lepus”
Tagline: How many eyes does horror have? How many times will terror strike?
Plot Outline: Giant mutant rabbits terrorize the southwest!
There’s this supermarket chain (very small one, six stores) called Larry’s Markets. We used to live about two blocks from one of their stores. A very odd place in some ways. They have the usual household stuff, sometimes it’s a decent price, sometimes it isn’t, but the odd thing about Larry’s is, they have all kinds of stuff you wouldn’t expect a normal supermarket to have. Imported crackers. Canadian breakfast cereal. Authentic Irish cheeses. Pasta imported from Italy. Kummus. Hummus. Vegemite. If you’re ever in Seattle and have a hankering for duck’s tongue at 12:30 at night, Larry’s is the place to start looking.
And wear comfortable walking shoes! (It’s huge.) Then there’s that grocery on 12th & 65th … Whole Foods? Man oh man … they sell steaks that, I swear, are 3-4″ thick. They might have duck tongues too. (My personal favorite when we lived in Seattle was the Queen Anne Thriftway — high quality produce and meat, but intimate in size.)
I would eat out all the time. So many good restuarants.
who weighs the same as a duck. So leave my tongue alone. (BTW, ewwww!) Also 92% made of wood, and 0 bridges can be made out of me. 0% smart. Sounds about right.
Check out the Comedy Movie brackets on MSNBC (burn them, BURN them!) You have to make you heartwrenching choices, like Holy Grail vs. Young Frankenstein. My Final Four: Arsenic & Old Lace, Broadcast News, Groundhog Day, and Raising Arizona. “Son, you’ve got a panty on your head.”
Pick your Final Four here launch brackets button at bottom of page
Work? What work?
She turned me into a newt!
A newt???
Well, I got better…
Nice to see another sister here….92% here and 100% in real life!
Chills – It’s so cold and windy here in the “Malibu of Canada.
Thrill – My daughter has been nominated as a woman of distinction.
Chill – Will she continue to respond to my emails now?
What made her distinct?
She opened up an art school.
QUACKING GREAT THRILLS with this diary, Carnacki!
..and if you want more ducks, you will find a very ex-duck here.
Unfortunately, you will also find Sally the Psycho Dog.
And elks.
But I shouldn’t go there until your lunch has properly settled.
Okay – that one finally got me to register over there Welshman.
More late night reading…
Eeeek, no!
Don’t read about the elks just befoe going to bed.
I got this as an email go-around years ago and it never fails to reduce me to incoherent, gibbering laughing fits. I torment my friends from time to time by sending it out again.
And the Sally story – now that one’s going to be inflicted on all of my list.
Oh, don’t worry about going to bed, you will sleep well. There is snoring in the elk.
With almighty God as my witness, I’ll get you for this.
Um…can someone tell me who to call for FREE legal advice?
“Um…can someone tell me who to call for FREE legal advice?”
That’s ruined your case before you began.
Imitation is the sincerist form of flattery. It’s also a form of theft. ::Runs away.::
don’t you just hate Front Page Bullies?
@runs away@——–
but I cheers can’t put my finger on where I’ve jeers it before. Hmmm. Very spooky. <g>
My mundane chills and thrills for the week:
Thrills-got jury summons and I think it would be cool.
Chills-due to health will have to get medical pass.
Thrill/Chills combined-Have rented Hotel Rwanda and while I believe I will like it also think it might upset me so my sister bought me several bags of chocolate covered peanuts and some hot fudge sauce to eat while watching this…well that’s the plan anyway.
My first thought on the ‘texas mother’ link before I even went to it was to bet to myself that she would turn out to be some weirdo fundamentalist. It really didn’t say in the link but this is what she did say so I think I can rest my case.
mother saying of her son that he started wearing the color black.. quote “to me(the color) black is evil. But he claimed it wasn’t.” Ok lady so just the color black itself is evil…gotcha.(pity any black people she runs into as they can’t escape the dreaded black color)
Of course to make things worse the kid has started to listen to punk and metal music and dress in black and go ‘goth’….case closed the perverts. And we’d better keep a close watch on that subversive punk group Green Day I guess while we’re at it.
I always wanted to serve on a jury. I was summoned for jury duty, but never got picked.
So could I somehow pass mine along to you? I know people say oh jury duty yuk but I think it would be an interesting civics lesson if nothing else.
Someone just told me two days ago that’s why they won’t sign up to vote cause you’re tracked that way for jury duty..and they don’t want to do that ya know…while complaining about all the Mexicans taking the jobs here..and the Greek who bought the local burger joint(but he bought it from that chinaman-cause all orientals are chinaman- who kept the place dirty ya know)..but then was also told there are no jobs here cause of 9/11 ya know..even though I live in a small small town in Ca. it’s 9/11 and the Mexicans that are keeping her from a job at McDonalds, no kidding.(and she’s also not prejudiced either she’ll tell ya) Guess that could be a chills story huh.
Thrills to picking up a fun job chinking a log cabin artist studio.
Chills to what sometimes jumps out of the mortar at me!
Dammit, I must get my trowel back under control.
“She’s a witch, BURN HER!”
That brings back memories. I once owned an old house in the 1990s. Part of it was a log cabin built about 1804 and it had most of the original plaster. But some of the old plaster was there too and it was really cool to think someone had been there doing the same thing almost 200 years earlier.