Messin’ With Texas

spiderleaf

20 years ago

Aka if you have no idea what you’re talking about don’t publish it in the Houston Chronicle.

Yesterday brought an interesting & ridiculous article in the Chronicle – What if Canada falls apart and no one hears about it?

Yes folks, according to the resident military & foreign policy “expert” at the Chronicle Canada could really fall apart and Alberta could join the U.S of A.

I call bullshit.

Here are some of the pearls of wisdom Texans woke up to:

A political specter haunts North America — the specter of the world’s next failed state.

We can still call it Canada, at least for a couple years. And who knows, like news of Mark Twain’s demise, my pessimism may be greatly exaggerated.

Our northern neighbor’s polyglot populace of beer drinkers, peaceniks, Mounties and socialists may yet dump their crooked politicians and craft a new, more robust deal with Quebecois separatists.

Oh geez. Your pessimism MAY be exaggerated? Really, ya think? And gotta love those GOP talking points thrown in for no good reason – peaceniks, socialists… and that’s a bad thing I take it? Oh right, you’re from Texas Austin Bay (yes, that’s his name).

So what is the issue that will bring down the government and drive Quebec out of confederation?

If you don’t know about Canada’s crooked politicians, you’re not alone. Democracy and free speech are breaking out in Beirut, but they’re both taking a beating in Ontario. The Canadian government has a press clamp on an investigation into the ruling Liberal Party’s “Adscam” kickback scheme. A “judicial publication ban” is the term. It may soon rank with Watergate rhetoric like “modified limited hang-out.” Canadian Prime Minister and Liberal Party leader Paul Martin is implicated in the Adscam fiasco, and he’s starting to look like the northland’s Richard Nixon.

Okay, this is where I lose it. Forgive any profanity but this sucker has it coming. No more Ms. Nice Canadian here…

Democracy & Free Speech are taking a beating in Ontario? What the fuck are you talking about? There is an official investigation underway into improper use of tax payer funds and potential fraud. If you really were a foreign policy “expert” you would know that historically Canadians hold these types of hearings in private and release findings later – ya know, so we don’t create a fucking media circus before all the facts are out? So this is nothing new and certainly not anything close to Watergate (umm, yeah, a few politicians and ad agencies took kickbacks or overcharged during the 1990’s while Canada was trying to woo Quebec back into the fold – and this warrants more space in the Houston Chronicle than Tom DeLay’s corruption? Fucking asshole).

And Paul Martin compared to Richard Nixon is plain insulting. I’m no fan of Martin’s but I demand a retraction. That’s just ignorance and re-writing history.

I mean, this guy can’t even get his facts straight on what Canadians are calling the scandal (God forbid he reads Cdn news, rather he relies on a reporter from Colorado to fill him in??):

Linda Seebach of the Rocky Mountain News, in a column about Morrissey’s coda of Watergate’s Woodward and Bernstein, observed that there’s “hardly any coverage of what the Canadians call `AdScam’ in the U.S. press, although something that could cause the Canadian government to fall ought to be of interest to that country’s southern neighbor … “

Actually Linda & Austin, we’re calling it the Sponsorship Scandal in Ontario, not “AdScam”.

And it just gets better… now we’re on to speculation about what the country would look like if Quebec left (which is always a possibility but one that has been with Canadians for the last 30 years and we’ve muddled through so far).

What might a grand Canadian breakup look like? Jim Dunnigan and I, in the 1991 edition of A Quick and Dirty Guide to War, played speculative cartographer and redrew Canada’s political map.

Here’s a thumbnail sketch of that analysis: Say Quebec does become a separate European-style nation-state — a “people” with cultural, linguistic, religious and historical identity (never mind the objections of Mohawk and Cree Indians living in Quebec). Quebec has the people and resources to make a go of it, though the economic price for its egotism will be stiff. British Columbia also has “nation-state” assets: Access to the sea, strong industrial base, raw materials and an educated population.

Well yes, technically PQ could make a go of it, but as all Canadians know Quebec relies heavily on subsidies & industrial investment from the federal government – take away the aerospace subs alone and PQ is in big trouble. It can be done but at a cost most Quebeckers aren’t willing to assume at this point. They yell and demand things their way which is cool (and not unexpected) and are rightly upset about the Liberals, but that does not equate separation as of yet. And calling it egotistical is pretty harsh; people have a right to decide their own destiny (at least that’s what Canadians think).

Now this next gem is where the real purpose of this article lies IMO – plant the seeds to get more oil. Fucking bastard, I can see through you.

Oil-producing Alberta might join the United States and instantly find common political ground with Alaska, Louisiana, Texas and Oklahoma. Canada’s struggling Atlantic provinces might find statehood economically attractive and extend the New England coastline. A rump Canada consisting of “Greater Ontario” — with remaining provinces as appendages — might keep the maple-leaf flag aloft. As for poor, isolated Newfoundland: Would Great Britain like to reacquire a North American colony?

Really, common ground with those bastions of progressive thought and religion LA, TX & OK? Man, you really have no clue about Canada dude. Our Conservatives are your Joe Liebermans, not your Bill Frists.

BTW Mr. Bay, you may have wanted to check out the latest opinion polls from last week where after the Liberal deal with the NDP (farther left party) on redistribution of $4.6 billion in the budget from corporate tax cuts to social services, the crisis seems to have passed. The Liberal’s support is rising again as is the NDP’s (32% & 19% respectively in ON) & the Conservatives has dropped (30% in ON).

(all emphasis mine)

[Cross posted to Daily Kos]

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