With the world abuzz over the reported injury and subsequent flight into seclusion of twice-killed composite character amputee Abu Musab Al Zarqawi, the US has tapped Abu Hafs Al Kurani to assume the important duties of the Great Crusade Land’s Emmanuel Goldstein.
While Abu Maysarah al-Iraqi, AQ Iraq media coordinator, did not confirm the appointment, no doubt due to the flurry of activity generated by fears that the wounded Zarqawi might die a third time, the International Brotherhood of Composite Characters issued a statement from their headquarters in Langley, Virginia expressing confidence that Abu Al Kurani would prove an excellent choice.
No information was available either about the permanence of Kurani’s new post, or Zarqawi’s retirement.
One highly-placed source, who asked to remain anonymous, said he had seen a reference to a “sabbatical” more on the order of that currently enjoyed by Agent bin Laden, but despite repeated questioning, could not be sure in which document he had seen it.
The shakeup has been the talk of the proud family of US Disinfo Arabic language websites with garish graphics for days.
One message from a poster using the name Tim Osman appeared, but was deleted after only a few minutes. Our highly trained Special Right-Click Force, however, was able to capture the message and presents it below, in full.
I know you don’t do email (nice try though, Condi) but you forgot to charge your cell phone again, and whenever you’re here you’re either asleep or chopping up that poor old tree again, so I thought I’d try this.
After 3 and a half years here in Crawford, I am bored shitless. Your horses suck, they are too damn small, my feet drag on the ground. My Nikes are fucked. Please tell Gloria in incidental supplies to send new ones, preferably blue. Size 14 narrow. Thanks.
The Lakers thing didn’t work out. Maybe I’m getting old but those guys are just too fast for me. I guess all those layups with Saddam made me overconfident. Where did he go, anyway? One day he was here, the next day people act like they never heard of him.
I think after all this time, you guys could come up for something for me to do. I haven’t even made a video since – when was it – over a year anyway. If you don’t like my work, for shit’s sake just say so. Find somebody else who can do archaic Yemeni literary Arabic and make it sound good on lousy VHS. Whoever does those Zarqawi ones should do. Everybody loves comedy.
Why can’t we do another wedding scene? That rocked! And the food was awesome. Well, except for that weird-ass plastic turkey. Sometimes I wonder about you guys. Really.
Pls reply. I am totally sick of chips and salsa, and whoever told you that beef with tomato sauce is barbecue?
Tim