DeLay, Frist Apologize in light of Terri Schiavo Autopsy Report

Based on the findings of the Florida Medical Examiner, that Terri Schiavo was blind, was in a persistent vegetative state, and had no hopes of recovery, Tom DeLay and Bill Frist both offered apologies yesterday.  “Okay, so I’m just a bug exterminator, what the hell do I know about medicine and all that mumbo jumbo,” said a humbled DeLay.  “I heard it through good authority, from right-wing, conservative, biblical literalists that she could be saved, so what was I to know better?” DeLay continued.  “Hey, Frist is the one that’s a physician, for Christ’s sake, and he gave a diagnosis, so go talk to him,” DeLay finished, as he huffed off for a meeting with some potential campaign donors from North Korea.

Bill Frist himself admitted mistakes.  “I admit that my diagnosis was faulty,” said Frist.  But I also believe that the video that I used to make the diagnosis was from an old Betamax tape, and we all know what kind of tape quality those have,” Frist explained.  “Based upon what I saw, I thought she had the possibility to be attending Republican fund raisers in only a matter of weeks, with the proper therapy.”  Frist also made a plea for liberals to please stop sending him videos of their body parts asking for diagnoses.  “Hey, I no longer practice, except in special cases like this Schiavo one, so stop asking for my opinion.”  “I think I’ve seen more Democratic asses in the past few weeks than I care to see the rest of my life,” Frist continued, in apparent reference to the number of tapes asking for hemorrhoid assessments.  

Wry Twinger reporting for Booman Tribune News