What a way to start the day. First off, if you read this please do not worry about my husband and I. We are just going through the “feelings” that go along with this life dilemma. We will make it through this and making it through anything and growing from it requires processing as much of the truth as one can find and one can bear to digest. I have just gone through two days of being very depressed about Iraq and all of the dead due to Iraq. Sometimes depression is not a good thing, like when it carries on and on, but true emotional depression is often involved in getting to solutions to the biggest problems in our lives. My husband got up this morning while I was reading about the Iraqi UN Ambassador’s cousin being killed, and now he is back in bed. He has decided to sleep in today a little bit. I went through two days of feeling profoundly sad and unable to control what was saddening me, and now he is.
I keep track of a lot of the military happenings because the military is a part of my life. I am antiwar but I do believe that we will need a strong military as a deterrent and we will need to be able to help the UN during times of genocide. It was a part of my life that I used to be proud of, but I have given that up because it can be used as a good place to hide behind to avoid truths that hurt. I also wanted to accept that our military is in a shambles right now and will have to be rebuilt and that can be hard to do when one is so proud of something.
I have also been very worried about our troops being “blamed” for Iraq. When they first went over there it wasn’t their choice and let’s face it, they were looking for WMD’s. God, I even thought they were going to find one or two……who would have thought that Iraq had absolutely nothing other than regular ammo? I did think though that BuchCo was at least going to find ONE to use as a basis for their invasion!
With that objective gone now, the objective is to liberate and bring freedom to Iraq so that it can be the democracy that it desires to be. I don’t know if Iraq has ever desired to be a democracy so how can we claim to be bringing democracy to Iraq. Do they even want it? As far as Freedom, I am not a completely free person. I can’t yell FIRE in a theater. I can’t drive around drunk running over pedestrians that are in my way. I can’t write checks out for sums that I don’t actually have in my account. I can’t go gun down my next door neighbor because they hate me, or poison my dog, or shout obscenities at my children…..or even molest my children. I can’t even legally kill them if they kill my children. I am not free so how can I give something to someone that I don’t have?
I have stayed true to our soldiers though. I have repeatedly stuck up for them and insisted that the administration be blamed for wrong doing in Iraq, and maybe at the start of this that was the “right” thing to do. Something inside of me is changing though lately.
We have been in Iraq now for two years and horrible shit happens and happens and happens and our soldiers are doing it. Granted that they didn’t sign up for this and I don’t fault them there. The writing is on the wall though where Iraq is concerned, and things are not getting better and anybody who thinks that we ought to stay there and continue to “fight” the invisible enemy and take out the innocent whenever we feel the slightest intimidation or fear is in my opinion sadistic or suffers from some kind of maladaptive personality disorder that they need to come home and have addressed! When you think that killing is a solution and killing people who scare you no matter who they are is okay, that tends to carry on through out your life!
I am beginning to include the military now in those who I hold accountable! The individuals who continue to beat the drums and HAIL THE CHIEF and knock anybody around who doesn’t act the same way that they do are who I’m talking about! I am not talking about the quiet ones who are doing everything they can to survive this, I am talking about the fuckers who get in my face with their finger. I am talking about mindless hypnotized fuckers in uniform that I have to deal with daily and who I once used to think had a place in the world also but just needed sane leadership. These fuckers are taking all of us down now too and sadly in the military you HAVE TO HAIL YOUR CHIEF! It isn’t an option, but some don’t do it with zest right now and they get SHIT for it! It gets hard to keep up a good act every single day and I’m glad that I’m not a soldier right now trying to do that with these fucking jarheads running around crazed and self righteous with the entire administration’s philosophy to stand on while they whip the shit out of everybody else!
I have turned a corner I guess. This is a big corner for me and I’m going to have to feel my way around this one carefully.