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We Should Have Lost the Revolutionary War

Not only are Canadians nicer ‘cept for a couple serial killers (“Canada in a frenzy over serial killers”) — and their Prime Minister (“‘You’re infuriating,’ Bono tells Canadian PM”) — they’re not nearly as fat as Americans!

Canadians have grown much heavier in the past quarter century, according to a government survey, by eating too few fruits and vegetables, watching too much television, playing video games and not exercising enough. […]

However, the increases are meager compared to US obesity rates (23 versus 30 percent in adults, respectively).

Canadian women, in particular, were skinnier than their US counterparts — 23 percent of women in Canada versus 33 percent in the United States were obese. Girls here were also less likely to be overweight than US girls. Boys on either side of the border did not differ much.


My inferiority complex related our neighbors to the north is bordering on fixation. Especially when I think that we might have been just as nice if only George Washington hadn’t been so damn hardy and courageous, and that French bastard Lafayette (always blame the French) hadn’t been so plucky. Frank Sinatra, instead of singing “I did it my way,” would have sung a duet of “We’ll Sing in the Sunshine” with Helen Reddy.

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