“Tonight’s news from Humanity Worldwide comes from the third excavation site at the northern glacier above the historic Colorado Springs military base.
A hand-written document has been retrieved from the headquarters of the pay-for-salvation cult leader James ‘the Fake’ Dobson during the ‘Planet-Killer’ period.
It’s not thought to have been penned by the death-cult armageddonist Dobson himself, more likely, an anonymous mendicant or mystic a generation or so later possibly captured and Ghraib’d by his theocratic secessionist guerrilla groups.
This hand-written draft is a true gnostic text in every sense of the word: written in the ancient English prevalent in those areas. We’ll have a live translation after these background reports … First, let’s hear from our information historian …”
“As has been detailed by our electronic archaeologists, Bush the Destroyer was derided and reviled by our ideological counterparts for his wanton ignorance and blatant dishonesty. His special interests were in military, industrial and snake oil corporations. He spearheaded anti bio-spheric activities and environmental pollution. He ordered the barbarous legacy of spreading mutative depleted uranium across the West Asian deserts and openly sponsored Carlyle’s economic conflict creation.”
“Thanks. And from our theologic speculator …”
“From our position of enlightenment, it’s difficult to imagine a time when an individual known for nepotistic corruption, failure and drug abuse, without skills or ability could be elevated to a position of power based solely on the claim that a god talked to him. But it did happen. The Bushkanazi movement hated evolution and halted it by attempting to destroy all life. We should never forget that ‘Fossil Man’ wasn’t an aberration, propensity is our common ancestry. ‘Fossil Man’ was the enemy of the elements, everything that is and could be, and an abomination to our gods and theirs.
Use nothing you can’t replace. Everything is all we have. Consequence is responsibility. Earth, Air, Fire and Water, Amen”.
“Now Humanity Worldwide is going live for the first translation reading.”
“You’re welcome. ‘The second coming of the Dark Ages’ has little in the way of reliable history. The wars of religious aggression, the Fahrenheit book burning and the global net server seizure merge with the lies, deceptions and marketing propaganda.
It’s highly unlikely we’ll ever get a clear or accurate pictue, but according to this newly unearthed creation story, Bush is certainly not in favor. From first reading, there’s no sign in these records that he is being groomed for deification as was the previously accepted orthodoxy gleaned from other ancient codices such as the ‘Megachurch King George Bible’, but more a portrayal of his beginnings as the ‘Satan’ figure his decisions would later bring about ….
This gnostic gospel certainly hails from the time between the violent pan-continental theological ‘Struggles’ (the rejection of teaching Zoroastrian-based creationism as science) and the Great Climatic Cataclysm, our year Zero.”
“So here are some of the opening chapters from the latest old world testament … as translated by our ancient language expert … “
“As the prophet Moussa wandered in the desert, so do I. Forty years and forty fire fights, these revelatory visions come to me from the Lord’s own tongue:
In the beginning
King George crawled, reborn and substance free from the corpulent belly of Rove-the-Slimer. He was crowned Emperor of all that there was by the five partisan Supreme Court council of elders. He was lazy and did nothing. For an eon the presidency of Good Christian Acolytes languished in the directionless underworld of darkness.
On the first day
Condi says “I bring you fright.” King George crumples up the Augsixth PeedyB and threw it to the earth. The facts and the fiction are as different as night and day and he knew the Pet Goat again and it felt good.
On the second day
On the afternoon of 911 King George brought forth pictures of the fifteen legally sanctioned Saudi airmen and anodized aluminum tubes ready to divide fissile materials. He looked at the terror it caused and knew that it was good.
On the third day
King George waved his vials of anthrax that creepeth on the ground and under the skin. He saw the fear of Post Office and Senate workers and knew that it would be good for his subjects to fear.
On the forth day
King George dreamt up forged Niger documents that would bring forth Yellow Cake, as pablum for the Christian Jihadists and oil barrel costs. He envisioned the horror as he hid the perpetrators in a cave beyond Tora Bora and knew that it was easy.
On the fifth day
King George bore the mantle of the flag from head to toe, banished detractors, nay sayer generals and truthtellers. The starry-eyed Judas Miller who was created in his own image knew the seasons could be changed, and abused her position in bed to spread hysteria throughout the silenced Progressives.
On the sixth day
King George imagined mushroom clouds and used bombing runs to prove his dominion over the air, the earth and the Middle East. He bathed in the fires of shock and awe, and knew the Iraqis would love him as a god.
On the seventh day
Even as the elephant flaps torn and ragged above the stars and stripes.
“Go forth and multiply” said King George the Bird, “I will need 50 vacations in five years.” And it was so.
©me :o)