Sometimes, We All just Need a Joke Break

So Bush is on vacation…what else is new, he’s eclipsed the vacation record like everything else he touches. The biggest FUBAR in the world is on ‘vacation.’ His adminsitration has now sunk to below 40% approval rating…and some people say Camp Casey has had no effect??..Oh, but it has..Now for the break:

“Now is a great time for President Bush to go on vacation
because Iraq is pretty much under control. But a White House
spokesman said Bush is using his vacation to reconnect with
regular people. So you know what that means — he’s drinking
again.”
–David Letterman

“The Rolling Stones are about to go out on tour. Tickets are
$100 a piece. But the good news is — Medicare will kick in
half.”
–Jay Leno

“In a radio speech this weekend Bush said I will not be
satisfied until every American who wants to work can find a
job. Then Bush went back to his five-week vacation.”
–Conan O’Brien

“How many have seen this movie “March of The Penguins”? It’s
doing huge business. You know why they’re marching? They
can’t afford the gas.”
–Jay Leno
“I went to fill up this morning and there was a sign on the
pump, ‘We take Visa, Master Card, American Express.’ So
they took my Visa, Mastercard and my American Express!”
–Jay Leno

“So Congress is on recess and Bush is on vacation — the
town is empty. It’s so lonely in D.C. right now the NRA and
the Oil lobby are just giving money to each other.”
–Jay Leno

“Bush woke up this morning, saw his shadow and now — six more weeks of vacation.” –Jay Leno

“President Bush still having his five-week vacation. Today President Bush announced he is going to leave his ranch in Texas to visit Idaho for two days. However, Bush told his supporters, ‘Don’t worry, I won’t do any work there either.'” –Conan O’Brien

“How many of you are glad they’re writing a new constitution in Iraq? How many of you just wish they’d stop rewriting ours here at home?” –Jay Leno

“President Bush is on week three of his marathon five-week vacation. In fact, he has been gone on vacation for so long that today in Washington, a judge ruled that a young couple with two children can now legally move into the White House because it appears to have been abandoned by its previous tenants.” –Jay Leno

“President Bush is on a five-week vacation down in Crawford,
Texas, and it’s what they call a working vacation. And staff
say it is an important time because it’s time for him to kick
back. And I’m thinking, when does this guy kick forward?”
–David Letterman

“Baltimore Orioles first basemen Rafael Palmeiro has been
suspended for 10 games by Major League Baseball after test-
ing positive for steroids. He’s also a spokesperson for
Viagra. So he’s on steroids and Viagra. You know what that
means? He doesn’t need a bat anymore.”
–Jay Leno

“President Bush had breakfast with his Supreme Court nominee
John Roberts. Afterwards Bush said he’s never seen such a
qualified candidate and John Roberts said he’s never seen a
grown man eat Count Chocula.”
–Conan O’Brien

Let me know if it gave you a moment to refresh before charging on.

8 Comments

mlk19569 on August 22, 2005 at 4:07 pm

Thanks Phil! Needed the chuckle today. Can’t stay up late enough to watch Leno or Letterman.

Knoxville Progressive on August 22, 2005 at 4:21 pm

Bush’s Urgent & Confidential Business Proposal

URGENT ASSISTANCE – FROM USA

IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
FAX: 202.456.2461

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am GEORGE WALKER BUSH, son of the former president of the United States of America George Herbert Walker Bush, and currently serving as President of the United States of America. This letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in person nor by correspondence. I came to know of you in my search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential business transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to an account requiring maximum confidence.

I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently trapped in the republic of Iraq. My partners and I solicit your assistance in completing a transaction begun by my father, who has long been actively engaged in the extraction of petroleum in the United States of America, and bravely served his country as director of the United States Central Intelligence Agency.

In the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then vice-president of the United States of America, sought to work with the good offices of the President of the Republic of Iraq to regain lost oil revenue sources in the neighboring Islamic republic of Iran. This unsuccessful venture was soon followed by a falling-out with his Iraqi partner, who sought to acquire additional oil revenue sources in the neighboring emirate of Kuwait, a wholly-owned U.S.-British subsidiary.

My father re-secured the petroleum assets of Kuwait in 1991 at a cost of sixty-one billion u.s. dollars ($61,000,000,000). Out of that cost, thirty-six billion dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and other persian gulf monarchies, and sixteen billion dollars ($16,000,000,000) by German and Japanese partners. But my father’s former Iraqi business partner remained in control of the republic of Iraq and its petroleum reserves.

My family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding the removal of the President of the Republic of Iraq and acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as compensation for the costs of removing him from power. Unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are not willing to shoulder the burden of this new venture, which in its upcoming phase may cost the sum of 100 billion to 200 billion dollars ($100,000,000,000 – $200,000,000,000), both in the initial acquisition and in long-term management.

Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. Our distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the sitting vice-president of the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.

I would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in this important venture. The internal revenue service of the United States of America will function as our trusted intermediary. I propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of April.

I know that a transaction of this magnitude would make anyone apprehensive and worried. But I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. A bold step taken shall not be regretted, I assure you. Please do be informed that this business transaction is 100% legal. If you do not wish to co-operate in this transaction, please contact our intermediary representatives to further discuss the matter.

I pray that you understand our plight. My family and our colleagues will be forever grateful. Please reply in strict confidence to the contact numbers below.

Sincerely with warm regards,

George Walker Bush

Switchboard: 202.456.1414
Comments: 202.456.1111
Fax: 202.456.2461
Email: president@whitehouse.gov

Source: This parody of the ubiquitous Nigerian scam letter was written by Zoltan Grossman

ghostdancers way on August 22, 2005 at 4:30 pm

Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. Our distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the sitting vice-president of the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.

We are asking only those Americans that have an income less than $1,000,000 per year to pay for this acquisition of the Oil revenue source that has been denied to its rightful owners. We know that you have sacrificed much and we also know you are willing to sacrifice more for those of us privileged enough to have more than $1,000,000 a year in income.

I would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in this important venture. The internal revenue service of the United States of America will function as our trusted intermediary. I propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of April.

Maryscott OConnor on August 23, 2005 at 2:06 am

I had no idea the Big Three were beating up on him HARDER THAN JON STEWART.

Wow.

wry twinger on August 23, 2005 at 7:50 am

That’s a good one…or Cap’n Crunch…

Nancy LeTourneau on August 23, 2005 at 9:11 am

I used to think that Leno was pretty tied to the Republocrats, but he’s really been taking Bush on as hard as anyone. Does anyone else see a possible change of heart in him?

philinmaine on August 23, 2005 at 9:41 am

I think the late night guys ‘go with the flow’ ..if the national trend is to dump on anti-war protesters..as in the Feb 15 march way back when in DC, they go there. If Bush is down in the polls they jump on him…in other words, whtever is likely to get a laugh

macdust on August 23, 2005 at 10:28 am

The Presidential chopper throttles down on Cow Pad One.
Some rest and recreation, then resume The War For Fun.

from my buried diary on dKos, “Unbecoming Attractions”

mlk19569 on August 22, 2005 at 4:07 pm

Thanks Phil! Needed the chuckle today. Can’t stay up late enough to watch Leno or Letterman.
Knoxville Progressive on August 22, 2005 at 4:21 pm

Bush’s Urgent & Confidential Business Proposal

URGENT ASSISTANCE – FROM USA

IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
FAX: 202.456.2461

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am GEORGE WALKER BUSH, son of the former president of the United States of America George Herbert Walker Bush, and currently serving as President of the United States of America. This letter might surprise you because we have not met neither in person nor by correspondence. I came to know of you in my search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential business transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to an account requiring maximum confidence.

I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently trapped in the republic of Iraq. My partners and I solicit your assistance in completing a transaction begun by my father, who has long been actively engaged in the extraction of petroleum in the United States of America, and bravely served his country as director of the United States Central Intelligence Agency.

In the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then vice-president of the United States of America, sought to work with the good offices of the President of the Republic of Iraq to regain lost oil revenue sources in the neighboring Islamic republic of Iran. This unsuccessful venture was soon followed by a falling-out with his Iraqi partner, who sought to acquire additional oil revenue sources in the neighboring emirate of Kuwait, a wholly-owned U.S.-British subsidiary.

My father re-secured the petroleum assets of Kuwait in 1991 at a cost of sixty-one billion u.s. dollars ($61,000,000,000). Out of that cost, thirty-six billion dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied by his partners in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and other persian gulf monarchies, and sixteen billion dollars ($16,000,000,000) by German and Japanese partners. But my father’s former Iraqi business partner remained in control of the republic of Iraq and its petroleum reserves.

My family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding the removal of the President of the Republic of Iraq and acquiring the petroleum assets of his country, as compensation for the costs of removing him from power. Unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are not willing to shoulder the burden of this new venture, which in its upcoming phase may cost the sum of 100 billion to 200 billion dollars ($100,000,000,000 – $200,000,000,000), both in the initial acquisition and in long-term management.

Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. Our distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the sitting vice-president of the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.

I would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in this important venture. The internal revenue service of the United States of America will function as our trusted intermediary. I propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of April.

I know that a transaction of this magnitude would make anyone apprehensive and worried. But I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. A bold step taken shall not be regretted, I assure you. Please do be informed that this business transaction is 100% legal. If you do not wish to co-operate in this transaction, please contact our intermediary representatives to further discuss the matter.

I pray that you understand our plight. My family and our colleagues will be forever grateful. Please reply in strict confidence to the contact numbers below.

Sincerely with warm regards,

George Walker Bush

Switchboard: 202.456.1414
Comments: 202.456.1111
Fax: 202.456.2461
Email: president@whitehouse.gov

Source: This parody of the ubiquitous Nigerian scam letter was written by Zoltan Grossman
- ghostdancers way on August 22, 2005 at 4:30 pm
  
  Without the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is why my family and our colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. Our distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the sitting vice-president of the United States of America, Richard Cheney, who is an original partner in the Iraq venture and former head of the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.
  
  We are asking only those Americans that have an income less than $1,000,000 per year to pay for this acquisition of the Oil revenue source that has been denied to its rightful owners. We know that you have sacrificed much and we also know you are willing to sacrifice more for those of us privileged enough to have more than $1,000,000 a year in income.
  
  I would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to twenty-five percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in this important venture. The internal revenue service of the United States of America will function as our trusted intermediary. I propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of the month of April.
Maryscott OConnor on August 23, 2005 at 2:06 am

I had no idea the Big Three were beating up on him HARDER THAN JON STEWART.

Wow.
wry twinger on August 23, 2005 at 7:50 am

That’s a good one…or Cap’n Crunch…
Nancy LeTourneau on August 23, 2005 at 9:11 am

I used to think that Leno was pretty tied to the Republocrats, but he’s really been taking Bush on as hard as anyone. Does anyone else see a possible change of heart in him?
- philinmaine on August 23, 2005 at 9:41 am
  
  I think the late night guys ‘go with the flow’ ..if the national trend is to dump on anti-war protesters..as in the Feb 15 march way back when in DC, they go there. If Bush is down in the polls they jump on him…in other words, whtever is likely to get a laugh
macdust on August 23, 2005 at 10:28 am

The Presidential chopper throttles down on Cow Pad One.
Some rest and recreation, then resume The War For Fun.

from my buried diary on dKos, “Unbecoming Attractions”

Sometimes, We All just Need a Joke Break

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philinmaine

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