Whenever I think Bushco can go no lower, turns out I haven’t looked low enough.
The FBI is joining the Bush administration’s War on Porn. And it’s looking for a few good agents.
No, not to flight child pornography, but to investigate the stuff that covers — or uncovers — consenting adults.
Oh, and off-the record, FBI agents are so excited!
“I guess this means we’ve won the war on terror,” said one exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. “We must not need any more resources for espionage.”
Among friends and trusted colleagues, an experienced national security analyst said, “it’s a running joke for us.”
A few of the printable samples:
“Things I Don’t Want On My Résumé, Volume Four.”
“I already gave at home.”
“Honestly, most of the guys would have to recuse themselves.”
And those that don’t are going to need strong stomachs:
Applicants for the porn squad should therefore have a stomach for the kind of material that tends to be most offensive to local juries. Community standards — along with a prurient purpose and absence of artistic merit — define criminal obscenity under current Supreme Court doctrine.
“Based on a review of past successful cases in a variety of jurisdictions,” the memo said, the best odds of conviction come with pornography that “includes bestiality, urination, defecation, as well as sadistic and masochistic behavior.” No word on the universe of other kinks that helps make porn a multibillion-dollar industry.
All of which means they’ll only get ideological idiots to volunteer for this, and the dolts who can’t get ahead except by presidential fiat — or reluctant actual agents pissed off that they’ve been assigned to this dead beat.
And no matter the number of headlines porn busts would collect, in the end, it will all come to naught, because:
Federal obscenity prosecutions, which have been out of style since Attorney General Edwin Meese III in the Reagan administration made pornography a signature issue in the 1980s, do “encounter many legal issues, including First Amendment claims,” the FBI headquarters memo noted.
So why waste the time, the money, and the manpower on this fruitless quest for boobs? Can you say, “Supreme Court Justice Alberto Gonzales?”
describing the initiative as “one of the top priorities” of Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales … Gonzales endorses the rationale of predecessor Meese: that adult pornography is a threat to families and children. Christian conservatives, long skeptical of Gonzales, greeted the pornography initiative with what the Family Research Council called “a growing sense of confidence in our new attorney general.”
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/19/AR2005091901570_pf.html
Okay Boomaners, talk dirty while you still have the chance!