Today has been a tragic day. I received a phone call at 7 AM this morning from my friend, Wolverine Writer. WW was my college roommate, I was the best man at his wedding, and he runs the BooTrib store for us. Last night, at around 8:30 PM, his 20 year old daughter and her friend were broadsided by an 18-wheel truck. WW’s daughter died instantly. The last we heard, her friend was in critical condition.
I’ve known his daughter since she was seven years old. I have fond memories of taking her around New York City, showing her the Statue of Liberty, the World Trade Center, Greenwich Village, Central Park.
She was a beautiful girl, smart, sweet, inquisitive, with a good heart. She will be badly missed.
I don’t have much to say about this. Sometimes our loved ones die for no discernible reason. There is no moral component to it. It just is. And then we want to grab the world by the throat and insist it abide by some moral code, that it supply us with some reason or justification for the misfortune we encounter. And the world stares back, offering no defense.
Nicole meant the world to her father. She was one of the nicest people I have ever been fortunate enough to know. She was 20-years old and headed to a haunted house celebration.
WW wanted her to grow up to be an outstanding adult. I wanted that too.
From north of the border, even though I dont knoe him.. my csincere condolences to the family and to him.
My deepest sympathies to your friends and to you.
My tears and heart are with you all…from another parent that lost a child. Their is no greater pain than the loss of a child.
I sincerely hope I’m not intruding at your time of grief, Martin.
As one who lost both his first wife and child to an accident not unlike this one, I can well sympathise with your heart-rending sense of loss, which you have quite eloquently expressed.
As a teacher of young adults, every year I have to face the loss of at least one of my students in an accident of some sort.
One is always left behind with a haunting sense of loss–not only loss of the young person’s presence but of their potential, of all the future that is stolen away.
If it gives you any consolation at all, know this:
For the short time that girl was here, she was loved. More importantly, she knew she was loved. Some people are never, ever loved like that their whole lives, yet it is the greatest gift one can give or receive.
And time heals the wound–never completely, but partially. And the dead person does not die, but lives always in memory, always young, always beautiful, always perfect.
I do hope that the other young person involved in the accident, who was grievously injured, is able to effect a full recovery, so that the tragedy is not compounded.
Horrible, absolutely horrible. Thanks for letting us know, Boo, ww is more than the BooStore owner, he’s also been an active member of our community here at the frog pond. From one “cafeteria catholic” to another, tell him I’m praying hard for him and the family.
How are you holding up?
holding up very well at all. I just want to break a bunch of stuff.
Breaking stuff can help release all the adrenaline and helplessness.
poem. And comforting.
Indeed. It is pretty much the sum total of my wishes for my own funeral ceremony.
I’m so sorry.
We’ve been there.
I’m so sorry for you, Knut. Hugs.
My heart goes out to all of you, especially WW.
WW is very special to all of us here. Thank god he has a lovely friend like you, Boo, to help him… he’ll need you.
And a big hug for you too — it’s just incomprehensible to lose someone so young and so special.
After you e-mailed me earlier today, I couldn’t help it… Cindy Sheehan crossed my mind … and how you’re feeling and how WW is feeling is how she, her husband, and all of their friends and family felt 🙁 Senseless in both cases. And just so damn sad.
I’m very sorry for your loss and for his.
I sit here this evening switching back and forth between blogging and helping my 9-year old granddaughter, who is with us for the weekend, make halloween decorations to put up tomorrow.
And I count my blessings… and try not to be afraid of all things I know all to well can and do happen in this world.
It sounds like WW was able to teach his daughter everything he feared he might not be able to in that excellent diary he wrote.
My thoughts are with both of you and everyone struck by this life cut so short. May you find some moments of solace.
I watched from a distance as my parents struggled with the tragic and sudden death of my sister many years ago. Words failed me then, as they do now.
I light a candle for Nicole, may she be in a peaceful place.
Peace and Blessings
I’m sorry you lost your sister, Dada. Hugs.
I’m so sorry Boo and WW. And I appreciate your words so much.
“There is no moral component to it. It just is. And then we want to grab the world by the throat and insist it abide by some moral code, that it supply us with some reason or justification for the misfortune we encounter. And the world stares back, offering no defense.”
I’ve been thinking today about a friend of mine who’s daughter Kelly was killed last June in a car accident. Kelly would have been 19 today.
These are the times in life when you know that reason is no comfort. Our comfort simply comes in the arms of those who love us.
and WW. Even the thought of experiencing the pain of losing a child shakes me to the core.
for WW’s loss and for yours BooMan… it never makes sense…
BooMan, please pass along my condolences to WW. I am sorry to hear of his loss, and yours.
At times of such loss, we all want so much to be able to do something. Quite often there is little one can do other than to stand beside the person and honor their grief.
My heart goes out to you and WW. I honor your grief and await the healing that will come in time.
Boo,
So sorry to hear this terrible news. Peace and blessings to you and WW and your families.
What sorry for you, Booman, and for WW. My deepest sympathy; we lost my sister as a young adult and it is beyong any understanding. It is a terrible part of being human. Our hearts cry with you and WW.
Deepest sympathies.
At times, life can really suck.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of Nicole’s extended family. I hope she’s in a cool place – indeed, she is – in your hearts and memories. Remember the good times. Cherish them. Thank you for letting us share in the loss.
I spent the evening with my 21 year old daughter, home from college for a few days. Just 30 minutes ago, as she sat across the table from me at Applebees, telling me about her Cultural Anthropology class, I suddenly had a vision of her as a 2-year old with big blue eyes and a binky in her mouth.
She will always be my baby. I will never stop worrying about her.
Tears and hugs to Wolverine Writer on the loss of his baby girl.
so sorry for your sadness and pain.
peace lies ahead, somewhere, in increments, in time.
I am very sorry for your friend’s loss, and for yours. The death of a loved one is never easy, but there is something especially unjust about the loss of a child.
We expect, even take for granted that our descendants will outlive us, that they will be the ones who preside over our own passage, not the other way around.
Take care of your friend and his family, and let them take care of you.
Oh Boo, sending sincere condolences, and for WW and family. This is truly tragic. Words seem inadequate to convey sorrow or offer comfort in situations like this. You’re all in my thoughts.
My condolences to Wolverine and to you and I remember Wolverine well as we had some conversations in months past. My thoughts and prayers are with WW and his family and you as well.
We here are at a loss of words. We are so very sorry.
The silence is the sound of so many hearts breaking.
May Wolverine Writer and you and all who love Nicole find the strength to accept her absence and to persevere in some of the hopes for this world you shared with her.
Boo, I know that I don’t know you too well, and I hardly know WW at all. But I do know what my kids mean to me, and I also know how hard it has been for my friend’s mother to have just recently lost her two of her sons, one of whom happened to be one of my best friends, the other a friend for years as well.
My condolensces to WW, his family, and to you as well Boo.
Deepest Sympathies BooMan. And to WW. No accounting for this world. If there is anything I can do, because of my relative geography, please e-mail me.
BJ- it’s strange for you, in that you just got to know him in dealing with your book sale. He is going to need a lot of time to begin to recover from this blow. I think I might show him this thread, and that it might help him to know that he has so many people that care about him.
It is so strange. Your friend has the sweetest face, secured in my recent memory. Cherubic. And I can’t imagine the grief. It is very shocking to learn of this, in this way. I’m here with my young daughters. It is the worst hell I can imagine. I don’t know your friend well enough to share his loss so personally. I just want you and he to know, that if there is anything I can do, I am right here.
I am so sorry for you and he both. Tragic. Awful. Not having religion is a failing of mine at times like this. It is only a senseless world to me, and being left lost in thoughts at how fleeting it all is, and without reason.
shines through in his face. He is the best of the best.
.
To Wolferine Writer and all loved ones – and to you BooMan – in a moment of devastating grief and unbelief.
Shakespeare
A moment of silence and prayer to appreciate the loving moments, now fading from memory – it seems so unfair and incomprehensible.
Wish you all strength and fortitude to carry the loss of such beautiful young persons full of life, at a crossing point to adulthood. The expectations and promises of life – no one can guarantee – makes all of us realize the moments we share in well being, should be cherished.
“Treason doth never prosper: what’s the reason?
For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.”
▼▼▼ READ MY DIARY
I would have liked to write something uplifting and soothing but there’s nothing that can take away the initial anger and terrible physical pain when someone so close to you dies..take the low road for a bit and go ahead and scream and holler for awhile. Being there for your friend and he for you is really all you can do.
I’m sorry.
Booman, I am very, very sorry. Please tell Wolverine Writer how we are thinking of him.
.
I’m not religious (at all) but this is a story from a friend of mine that helped me get through it when I lost my mom (and believe me, watching my grandfather bury his daughter was the hardest thing I’ve EVER had to go through).
Remember by ‘Lord’ in this poem, it means ‘one(s) from who I draw strength’. For me, that was my friends; it means something different to each of us.
WW, I live less than 2 hours from you. If you need anything, email me at the address below; I mean it.
I’m so sorry. Words cannot convey the depth of such a loss or the loving concern that follows in its wake. I will be thinking of WW and of his family and friends.
I’m so sorry. There can’t be a Reason for such as this. None that we can see or understand anyway. I’ll send a prayer for you and your friend.
My condolences and prayers.
Thank you for sharing this.
Your community, a place to be heard, opens to your pain and anger and grief…
and sends to you and through you to Wolverine Writer, sympathy, condolences, prayers, thoughts, blessings, offers of help, and hugs — all forms of love
WW, we hold you and your family in the light.
Boo, I haven’t been here long enough to know you well nor WW. But my hart is weeping for both of you.
so sorry to hear this Booman, what a horrible thing for you and all her loved ones to endure. a very sad day indeed. i’m sending good thoughts to you and her family and friends at this terrible time.
Sorry for the loss of your young friend. Our sincere condolences to you and her family.
Oh Wolverine, Booman…there are no words at a time such as this. I just came home from spending the day with my son, daughter in law and precious grandaughter who is eight and fell asleep in my arms tonight. Scream, yell, curse,allow yourselves to grieve. Know that you are all in my deepest thoughts and in my heart. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
Namiste my dear friends, Namiste.
Boo, I am sorry to hear about your and your friend’s loss of a lovely child.
There’s been a lot of sh*t people I know have been hit with lately, from deaths to near-maimings over here in Mad City to my 20-year-old niece having both uterine and breast cancer…and choosing to bring a child to term under those circumstances in December for fear of not having another and/or losing her life.
This is an evil age where there are no easy answers to why things go wrong, people lie and good people die senselessly. Human life certainly is not cheap despite what movie Nazis say or what our Administration says about the uses of patriotic individuals for their purposes.
Reflect on what she accomplished in her short life, and what she gave to you and your friend and to others. She’s not gone; she will be returning in more than just one way.
Of course, I’m a Buddhist in a largely Christian country.
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo…
Boo and WW,
I’m so very sorry. I know this loss is one that no words, no one, nothing can fill.
My love to both of you,
I’m very sorry to hear this, my deepest sympathies.
I have no words of wisdom in the face of such a tragedy. I can only offer my deepest sympathy.
As one who has been present at the scene of many such tragedies, I have felt frustration and anger when at times, despite all my training and experience, there was nothing I could do to help. I have found in recent years that there is something I can do and that is to give those involved all the dignity and reverence I can muster. Perhaps the emergency responders where your friend’s daughter was are of like mind. I hope so. I grieve for you and your friend.
Words can not be enough at a time like this, but please believe that my prayers are with you & WW.
I am so very, very sorry. Please let your friend know that his writing and his work for this community have touched many strangers like me, and he and his family will be in our thoughts and in our hearts.
I’m having a little trouble getting to sleep tonight, so I thought I might as well drop by and see what was going on here. I’m not all that surprised to see that Boo decided to post about this–writing is such a release, at times, in ways. That’s not very clear or well written, but I’m not going to do any drafting or self editing tonight–I hope no one minds. I’m also going to write this and drop it in, then…well, I don’t know about sleep, or anything else necessarily, but I’m not going to be doing any posting/commenting.
I come here mostly and lurk. I would like to be more involved, but blogging is truly such work, to feel like you’re doing it effectively. I’ve often thought that when life slows down some I’ll be more active here–because I don’t see this place going away any time soon. Bottom line, I work the day job and keep up the website and meet the other responsibilities I have, then I spend basically everthing that’s left with my kids and my wife. I just don’t have time to give you right now, though I read here when I can and I appreciate alll the work that goes on here–very much.
It’s been a rough day. There is much I could say, but I will try to keep it somewhat brief. Maybe very brief, I don’t know. I’m not sure where I want to go, if anywhere–while I’m not surprised, necessarily, to see this thread I didn’t expect it either.
I watch many of you interact on a personal level here on a daily basis–and you’ve come to know each other. I’m an outsider–and that’s ok, like I said, I just can’t commit the time at this point in my life. The few posts I made here were not well written, needed drafting, just…not that great, not that concise. Anyway, this is such a community, one that is more interconnected on a personal level than I or Boo ever imagined. Good people, good thoughts, good energy. Good goals.
There is no sense to what happened last night–well, the night before now, or maybe not with daylight savings and all that. Used to mean an extra hour at the bar when I was younger. Anyway, it is what it is, and we are holding out hope for Nicole’s friend–though it doesn’t look good. Things have been pretty tough lately anyway, but this…no words. My cousin, whose father is terminally ill with cancer, was married today. There was just no way to keep the news of Nicole’s death from that whole side of the family for a whole day, so I went over and woke up my terminally ill uncle and his wife with the news this morning. Not a good scene, followed by going to my grandparents and telling them. The day didn’t really get any easier, and in all honesty I think I actually called Boo a little earlier than he wrote–on a hunch that he might be awake, which he was. Spent a good chunk of my day feeling like the grim reaper on the phone, calling people up to give them news they didn’t want to hear and at the same time forcing them to talk with me for a minute, when there is nothing really that you can say–what can you say? But you have to call–or in retrospec, maybe I should have stuck someone else with the calling (a pretty unfair request) so that it would be easier on the call recipients. I don’t know.
One of my brothers just showed up from the reception (held a half a mile from my house) and is now crashed on my couch. He did what I asked of him earlier–he came here instead of driving, so I don’t have to do more than one funeral in a week, at least not that I’m aware of yet. I know that my other brothers left the reception with a sober driver too, so with any luck all will be well there.
There is no good, there is no right, there is no rhyme or reason. Things are what they are–or maybe there is a grand plan, but if there is and we can’t hope to understand it in this life, then there may as well not be any rhyme or reason. I’m not angry, really, at least not yet, I’m just tired (but not sleepy). Kind of like I spent almost the whole day with an empty stomach, but not hungry.
Nicole has three brothers and two sisters. Two at home with her at her mom’s and three here with me. One of the things that hurts me the absolute most is that of my three here, only the oldest is going to remember her. Conner is six, and he’ll remember, though in time he won’t be sure which memories are real, which are imagined, and which are dreams. Jacob is four, and he knows her now, but I don’t think he’ll truly “remember” her over time. Paige is seventeen months, so she won’t remember at all. And her older siblings–I saw them today and I feel so badly for them, but I don’t know them very well. Everyone else is worried about/doesn’t know what to say to me, and I have no idea what to say to them. I am so sorry for them, and I am so sorry that this cast such a pall on my cousin’s day, and I’m so sorry for the hurt everyone is feeling. I wish I could make it better, make everyone be alright.
Nicole was truly a special person–we all are. But she really, truly was good–amazing, considering the bloodline. She didn’t drink, she didn’t smoke, she didn’t curse–and I mean ever, and that’s not a nieve parent who just doesn’t know talking–if you knew her, you’d understand–she just didn’t. She made conscious decisions–in high school, the petri dish of peer pressure–to distance herself from friends she felt were going astray. It was truly amazing, something I found hard to comprehend, being the hellraiser I was at that age. She worked and saved money toward college, studied hard…she was just so much more than I deserved. She loved her first year of college, really loved it.
I am so blessed, so truly blessed, and so was she. There is good family here, and good friends, lots of people who love you and will tell you so. So much of the things you can’t buy–I turned 39 last weekend, and I have three grandparents still alive. When Nicki was 6 we had a five generation picture taken–I still had great-grand parents alive then. Things you can’t buy–the only important things in the world.
Twenty-four hours ago I was asleep, and I had gone to bed thinking I still had four living children. Twenty-four hours ago I was having one of the toughest years of my life, and had no idea how much worse it could get. Twenty-four hours ago I was hurting, but now I’m mostly numb.
I struggle with reconciling religion/an afterlife with science and logic. I want to believe that there is a higher power out there, and I want them to know that while I may be a shell of my former self, I am eternally greatful for the gift of my Nicole in my life. She truly saved me at a time when my path would have almost certainly led to self destruction. I and all around her were truly blessed with her presence.
And thanks to all of you for putting up with me.
You have posted many personal diaries and comments bud. They all give us a window into your soul. There is alot of wisdom in your search for meaning and alot of good inside of you. I’m glad to hear that you are surrounded by family and friends that will help to support you. Know that we’re here for you too. Paz
We all give what we can. There is no judgment to be made based on who spends more time reading, who posts more, who writes most eloquently, etc. This is community; a microcosm of what we want America to be.
And if we can do anything, you let us know. It is what we’re here for, after all.
If a higher power exists, it surely knows of your gratitude and your pain. Even if such a power doesn’t exist, We do. We share your pain and gratitude, because of your direct relationship with this Community and your contributions here, which have not gone unnoticed.
Our thoughts and wishes can comfort you only a small amount in these moments, I know. But We are here. For you. Our prayers, such as they are, our thoughts, wishes, and hopes are with you and for you and yours.
Oh …. Oh … Goddess, I don’t even know what to say. You are a friend of Boo and you and big friend of this site and we really do care and we will all grieve over your loss. As others have said it is not how much you post, you are a part of our community and we care about you and your family.
I am so distraught to hear this news. Losing a child is just not right or just. There is nothing I can say to bring her back or help you in your grief. All I can say is that we are here with you and that we will grieve with you. If you ever need a should to cry on, feel free. We will all be here to listen and offer our support.
.
To care for your loved ones, please let the grief inside pour out, it’s as much part of life as the joy of a new birth.
There is no explanation for the loss of a daughter or son in the full bloom of life, promises and expectations how a career or partnership lies ahead.
In 1999, we were looking forward to a visit to my brother’s son in Arlington, Tx. a wedding with a lovely bride, the woman to share in his life. A fortnight before the wedding date, we received the tiding of also a car accident. A 4-wheel pick-up lost control and crossed a divided highway and hit his small car head on. A bible on the seat next to him came unscathed out of the wreckage, he lived just a few hours, he had no chance in such violence of an accident.
The hardest was the church ceremony and memorial mass on the date of his wedding to be, only relief was the massive support of hundreds of his friends coming in from Chicago where he grew up and studied.
Wolferine Writer, it’s so hard, but do find the moments to pour out your own grief. As I am writing this, the rawness of the grief still overwhelms me. All I can add, in this hour of darkness, beyond the winter lies spring where life renews and replenishes itself.
Wish you all the strength and know here at BooMan’s community, the spirit of these days and our thoughts will be with you and your loved ones.
BURNING CANDLES
“Treason doth never prosper: what’s the reason?
For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.”
▼ ▼ ▼ MY DIARY
I wish I could tell you everything will be OK, but after losing our son this summer all I can tell you is this really hurts. Hold on to your family, hold on to your friends and ask for help when you need it.
My mother died from cancer when I was twelve. I guess I got used to people saying everything will get better, and you’ll get over it. I never “got over it”, but with time, lots of time, I learned how to live with it.
Even so, it’s just not right to lose our kids when they’re so young. I … well, words fail me.
May God give you and your family peace.
glenj, I’m really sorry to hear that you lost your son recently. That is so unfair for any parent. hugs
How sad that you lost your son, I”m very sorry for your loss, glenj.
So sorry, glenj.
Wolverine,
Thanks for trusting us enough to write, at this terrible time.
It is so, so hard to lose a child. My mother and father suffered as you are when my older sister died. It is very sad that your younger children won’t know your daughter as you have, that they won’t have here around as they grow up. But speaking as one of those younger children who have lost an older one, that sister is still going to be a presence, in memory and retelling, once you can stand to talk about her without hurting so badly. My own baby brother, who barely knew my sister, is so like her: both teacher advocates and organizers, both musicians. You will see that similarity in them, though they will not be like her in a hundred other ways. My brother and I have spent many hours as adults talking about our sister and the pattern she laid down in “training up our parents” for the rest of us, as well as many other things.
But I apologize, it’s far too soon to talk of those things. I am so sorry, words are inadequate at this time.
However, please, no one here is concerned with you not being a presence here, because you are. People here do act like the real neighbors and face-to-face friends that some have been privileged to become. If I could, I’d be delivering food to your house, as is the custom in my culture, along with live condolences like raking the yard, sweeping the porch, etc. Not possible, so simply my sorrow at your loss, and tears for your family and you.
WW I’m glad you felt that BooTrib offered you a place to unload a little of your thoughts and feelings when it was hard to sleep. Thank you for the trust you place in the members of this community. And thank you also for the contributions you have made here since March… so recent, yet it seems so long ago.
What happened to Nicole, to you, her mom, her siblings and wider family was so unfair. Why her, why you? There isn’t a reason. The world can be a cruel and terrible place, just as it can be beautiful and just at times.
It’s no consolation, but there’s a lot of people here wishing they can help. I don’t think I’ve seen so much feeling expressed in one blog thread before.
We don’t know each other, but I hope you’ll consider yourself hugged by a friend from afar.
Wolverine,
I’m crestfallen for you, as everyone here. Can only write and share that. Reach out in our electronic world, with us spread across this vast land.
Your description of your family. Beautiful. You are lucky for them. They will get you through.
We’re lucky in this family. To have you. I’ve got nothing like you have — that extended multi-generational group of folks to pull to together. This place serves that role, to some extent, for me. This place you and BooMan have built. You are more than peripheral. You are essential.
I am sorry. She sounded wonderful. Gave a lot of joy to the world in short years. Please be well and know a second family here loves you. Grieves.
so much even that you write here.
There are waves of tears to come,
from all of us who still live,
but only us.
My condolences for whatever it’s worth. Life is fragile.
On this most terrible day for you, I`m at a loss for words & I mean that. One can only hope that the incredible amount of emotions put forth on these pages will take a weight off of your sadness. I`m very sorry for your enormous loss, without knowing you & yours.
p.s. Please ignore my sig on this occasion.
My condolences to Wolverine Writer, his family, and Booman. I can say it no better than all the heartfelt posts above mine.
Losing a child is the toughest sorrow. My deepest sympathy to you and your family and your daughter’s friends.
I can’t imagine…Gone to soon. I need to tell my 2 teen Nephews and tell them I love them more often. We have no idea if we will be here tomorrow. I am so sorry Booman.
The younger the person, the more difficult.
There are a few quotes I use to get me through times like this. Here’s one:
“God is not justice. Justice is in his nature, but love is predominant. People attach such importance to actions and their results.
They do not know that above action and result
is a law which can consume the fire of hell,
which can dominate even if the whole world
were being drowned in the flood of destruction;
they do not know that the power of love is greater than any other.”
Hazrat Inayat Khan
i’m sorry for the life cut short much too early and i feel the greatest sympathy and concern for her survivors. i’m so sorry.
Renee
As a father of two daughters who I hope will grow as outstanding adults, I can understand what you feel: because it’s the only fear that haunts me…
Without knowing you, I am with you…
What do they mean compared to the love of a child?
What can one possibly say that would ease your suffering in any small way? Your description of your daughter here is a loving tribute to the beautiful and fine person that she grew into and though you seem to say she became that way in spite of you, I believe that our children carry what is good about us inside of them and her inherent goodness is evidence that you are a fine Father, and a good, good man.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss Wolverine Writer.
Peace
All my sympathy goes out to those who loved this young woman. I know there are no words that give comfort at a time like this but I have always found that being with those you love and who love you to be a great source of ease.
I am so very sorry for your loss of Nicole. But I am glad for the blessing you received from her presence in your lives.
It seems to be our destiny as humans to struggle with understanding everything about life. We come together here to help each other understand and to be grateful for the existence of each one of us. Death and loss are the part we can be sure of, but never understand.
I can only offer my prayers for all of you who are suffering now. This is something that gives me comfort:
“Just when the caterpillar thought that the world was ending, she became a butterfly.”
and Thoughts and Prayers to the Family and Friends of This Tragic Loss!!
And A Candle Lit To Bring Lite In Nicoles New Journey!
Sending warm thoughts of love and healing to you, your friend and all the people who knew and loved this young lady.
My heartfelt condolences to the family.
We shall hold her in our thoughts today.
Booman, it was very sad to log on tonight and find this post. I’m so sorry. I know you’ll do what you can for WW. Take care of him, and yourself. Hugs.
I’m still dealing with losing my Uncle and that was a suicide. I have experienced loss before but it doesn’t seem to have given me any special message to pass on or use for myself. I know that when our children leave before we do it turns the world upside down, I have had to deal with the possibility a few times of losing my disabled son and it was excruciating. Never before has the world felt so “wrong” and warped out of shape. I have been told that time is what I need with my Uncle, a grief counselor told me that when it seemed that my grief was more than I could handle. He said two years, I still feel numb remembering those words…….my heart isn’t sure what to make of them. I lost my mom and siblings in a car accident when I was seven, I was the oldest and the only one in school. That was 33 years ago and I know that that grief has changed, but I still cry and miss them during my big life events like children being born and my graduations. Losing my mom’s brother feels like I lost a piece of my mom all over again too and is a new kind of hurt. I’m so sorry for your loss and your family’s loss, so very very sorry. This is a poem that Catnip shared with me during the loss of my Uncle that feels appropriate.
I Am Not There
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
– Mary Elizabeth Frye, 1932
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I could come up with some better words but I can’t. Our hearts are with you in your sorrow.
Sorry for his loss, and your’s. Death sits on our shoulders the moment we are born, to remind us of our sweet mortality and each, precious breath.
Oh Booman, I am so at a loss for words! If you will give to your friend, WW, that I do knoe the devistation he and his family must now feel. Firstly, it is just not right for anyone to leave this earth in such a manner..well that is a known; however, secondly, and foremostly, it just is not right for a child to leave before the parents. The deep hole left in their hearts and souls will be worst than anything they will ever know. My sympathy goes out to all in concern. Lots of love and hugs….sorry for your and their loss.
her obituary.
to hear about your daughter. Kia kaha.
So very sorry to hear this sad news. Our hearts and prayers are with Wolverine Writer, his family, and all those who knew and loved Nicole.
I’m so sorry to read this devastating news. My heart goes out to WW and the rest of the family, and you too Boo and all who knew and loved his daughter. This is so sad.
I know I could not stand it if it were one of mine. I have no wise words. I am just sorry.
Oh dear,oh my, what is there to say?
I am so sorry to hear this after 2 weeks away. My deepest sympathies,although I can’t think that it could possibly help.