I came across this wonderful little document some time back, and have been saving it for the proverbial rainy day. Well – we had a very wet October! Enjoy.
Hello there, Maxine here. The Bush administrations constant attempts to interfere with my, and everyone else’s life prompted me to write this. Let’s just say I’m royally pissed off. Trust me – when I’m this mad – you really don’t want to fuck with me.
To Whom It May Concern
I, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a piece of chocolate, it should be presumed that I won’t do so ever again. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall any politicians butt into this case. I don’t care how many fundamentalist votes they’re trying to scrounge for their run for the Presidency in 2008 – it is my wish that they play politics with someone else’s life and leave me the hell alone to die in peace.
I couldn’t care less if a hundred religious zealots send emails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don’t know these people, and I certainly haven’t authorized them to preach and/or crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own damn business, too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause – I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make their existence a living hell. So help me God!
