I try to keep my private life private. Hell, most of you probably don’t even know my real name. But, I have been going through a lot of turmoil this year as we’ve gotten this site launched and rolling. By far, the most significant event has been a decision by my wife and I to get a divorce. We were married in 1996. We will not be celebrating our tenth anniversary.
We made the final decision sometime this summer, and ever since we have been taking the preliminary steps. We put our house up for sale, necessitating constant cleaning. We needed some roof work, some electrical work, some new windows, we had to do some painting.
Once we sold the place, we had to find two new places to live, and that took some time. Now we have to divide up all our stuff, pack, and arrange for two separate moving dates.
So far, I’ve been able to do all these things without it having much effect on running the site. In fact, the community has been very helpful to me as a support and a distraction. But I have now reached the point where the actual split-up and move are imminent. I will be moving into my new place on December 3rd and there is a lot of work to do in preparation.
At the same time, Susan is going through her own life crisis. Her mother is extremely ill and is not expected to live much longer. Her brother is battling a very serious cancer. She too, has found solace and support through this community. And she too, is approaching a point long anticipated, but no less emotionally difficult for being anticipated.
I am telling you all of this now so that you understand that the next few weeks are going to be a very hard time for Susan and me, and so that you might understand why one or both of us are not posting regularly.
We’ll both get through this and eventually we will be relieved to have these burdens behind us. But in the meantime, please be understanding if the frequency and quality of our posting suffers.
StevenD and jpol are both aware of the situation and they have been fantastic in offering to provide support and content for the community.
Thanks to everyone that helps make Booman Tribune such a great website. Keep up the frogstalking and we’ll be through this and as strong as ever very soon.
it’s no longer our little secret Tracy. Other than the front-pagers, you were the only one that knew.
Oh, please. We all saw the photos! …wait, what are we talking about?
Seriously, though, hang in there. I’m sending good thoughts and well wishes to both you and Susan.
I knew you would get to it when the time was right. You just aren’t a secrets type guy.
you that perhaps you could salvage things, but sometimes it isn’t in the best interest for those involved. If I knew a brainiac bra throwing girl I would set you up with a blind date but Brinnaine is currently married so I guess not. Cabin is free though at the moment……….how’s your bra throwing skills Cabin? A little dancing on the bar at Hogs and Heifers maybe? Oh no, I plumb forgot about our edible panties chef! She’s in medical school or something the last I heard.
Thank you so much for letting us know. We will definitely be understanding, and if somebody isn’t, we’ll let them know why they should be!
So many of us have been through our own similar life crises. We can’t know exactly what you’re each going through, but we have some idea of it, at least. All I can personally offer is my affection and a promise to be patient and supportive, but you’ve got that 100% and then some.
It’s really nice of StephenD and jpol to pitch in as they are doing. Thanks, guys.
Seems like you’ve already gone through a lot with uncommon grace, Booman. My sympathies, and certainly, you and SusanHu both deserve to put any time and energy you need elsewhere. Life is more important.
The pond will be fine, and we hope you will be also.
I’ll just ditto your beautiful words kidspeak.
Uncommon grace indeed!!
All my best to you Boo and Susan.
And thanks to Steven and jpol.
Just a note to wish you both the best. Warm wishes.
jim
And our thoughts and prayers will be with you. Please – both of you – remember that you can always relax at the cafe, if you just want to touch base with friends without posting a full front-page story.
xxxooo
Booman, Susan, I have nothing to offer that could ease the troubles you both are experiencing other tan that I know how difficult and emotionally trying and draining these experiences are on a soul. It seems that it’s been a hard year all over, and many of us have had to deal with illnesses, deaths in the family, and marrital problems and changes.
For what it’s worth, you both deserve the highest respect and credit for managing to keep the pond as alive and thriving as it is, all the while managing to remain sane with all you are dealing with respectively.
I wish you both, and your families nothing but the best and offer my support in any way you may need it.
Peace
Our thoughts will be you during these tumultuous times. Peace be with you and yours.
I can only hope that the joy and soul-sustenance you have given to us will come back to you tenfold.
Very sorry to hear of the troubled waters. We’ll get by I’m sure, and here’s to hoping you and Susan get by just as well.
All the best Boo & Susan, I know what it means to have these problems.
I’ve also lost both parents, so I know how hard that can be.
I’m amazed you guys have been able to keep up the excellent work through all of this.
All the best, my thoughts are with you.
Take care of yourselves.
I’m sorry, Booman, for even with the best of intentions divorce is difficult. Strong emotions can arise unexpectedly, and all the decisions can drain a person.
I wish you the very best.
Susan you know we are here for you as you have been for us!
We will keep the pond singing for you.
I am very sad to hear of these troubles. BooMan, I hope you will find peace on the other side of this difficult time.
Susan, I will keep your mother and brother in my prayers. As you care for them, please do not neglect to care for yourself also.
Boo and Susan:
Hope you can find moments of peace, humor and rest during the weeks ahead.
Thanks for all you do.
.
Drawback of electronic community, we can’t just pop over and reach out or give a hand in your anguish, sorrow or chores. As has been offered, we’ll be here to support both Susan and BooMan to pull through troubling moments. Similarly, the community has been present throughout this beautiful year to offer condolences, motivation and best wishes dependent on the individual circumstances.
When necessary you can always place a call for any job we can be helpful with, in times of emotional and physical change in your personal life.
Heck – we’re just a key stroke away …
“Treason doth never prosper: what’s the reason?
For if it prosper, none dare call it treason.”
▼▼▼ READ MY DIARY
to both you BooMan and Susan as well. Both be well and take care during these turbulent times.
Ah… divorce. Just finalized mine in July, didn’t hit the seven year mark. No kids, so thankfully we were able to do it amicably. He’s my best friend (again) now. I’m so thankful we were able to do it that way. It’s been a true roller coaster ride throughout this whole year…
Again, be well both of you. And take your time.
All my best to you both, if there’s anything you need please let us know.
I am so very sorry to hear of your troubles, and send my love to you both.
Hopefully our gratitude for all that you have blessed us with here in the pond will help to sustain you in these hard times. Please remember you do have a loving family here.
All the best –
To my two friends Boo and susan, I sent best wishes, lots of love, big hugs, and bucketfuls of understanding and compassion…
Indeed we have all been through tough times, but keyword is through, most of us get through just fine, but the agony is in the doing…
All the words in the world can’t take away the sorrow and suffering you and susan are going through, our words as puny as they might seem can only let you know that you guys are being enveloped in a giant karmic hug to help carry you through.
Our support will entail that we don’t expect you to give a 100% all the time(that’s not possible in the best of times no matter what) and especially at times like this and if anyone does expect that then they shouldn’t call themselves Tribbers.
If there’s anything I can do you can email me…my only thought would be that as I spend some 6 hours a day or more reading Online I come across lots of news articles that don’t end up in diaries that I think would be of interest here…maybe someone who does front paging could contact me and I could feed them articles and see if they are interested in them. Either that or break down and do a diary of my own someday.
My last thought is a quote from where I don’t know but has always stuck in my mind: ‘Life is something that happens to you when your off making other plans’..
I think I’m rambling again today(as some who know my sig that when I tend to really do this is when I’ve taken way to many extra pain pills)so I suspect I should shut up and hit post.
And there is a line from a movie, I think its name is “A Lot Like Love,” Ashton Kuchner’s brother tells him, while they are sitting on the beach, “This is your life, right now. It doesn’t wait for you to get yourself together. That day never comes.”
(The quote is probably not exact, but I think the essence is there)
Sorry to hear that Booman. (Even though the word sorry can sometimes sound hollow, believe me, it isn’t here.)
One thing that has helped keep me going: The light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train.
Best to everyone!
My best to both of you. Be sure to take gentle care of yourselves first and foremost. Everything else can wait.
EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT
MARY MAGDALENE
Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you, oh.
Don’t you know
Everything’s alright, yes, everything’s fine.
And we want you to sleep well tonight.
Let the world turn without you tonight.
If we try, we’ll get by, so forget all about us tonight
APOSTLES’ WIVES
Everything’s alright, yes, everything’s alright, yes.
MARY MAGDALENE
Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and anoint you.
Myrrh for your hot forehead, oh.
Then you’ll feel
Everything’s alright, yes, everything’s fine.
And it’s cool, and the ointment’s sweet
For the fire in your head and feet.
Close your eyes, close your eyes
And relax, think of nothing tonight.
APOSTLES’ WIVES
Everything’s alright, yes, everything’s alright, yes.
JUDAS
Woman your fine ointment, brand new and expensive
Should have been saved for the poor.
Why has it been wasted? We could have raised maybe
Three hundred silver pieces or more.
People who are hungry, people who are starving
They matter more than your feet and hair!
MARY MAGDALENE
Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you, oh.
Don’t you know
APOSTLES’ WIVES and MARY
Everything’s alright, yes, everything’s alright, yes.
JESUS
Surely you’re not saying we have the resources
To save the poor from their lot?
There will be poor always, pathetically struggling.
Look at the good things you’ve got.
Think while you still have me!
Move while you still see me!
You’ll be lost, and you’ll be sorry when I’m gone.
MARY MAGDALENE
Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you and anoint you.
Myrrh for your hot forehead/
Then you’ll feel
Everything’s alright, yes, everything’s fine.
And it’s cool and the ointment’s sweet
For the fire in your head and feet.
Close your eyes, close your eyes, and relax
Think of nothing tonight.
APOSTLES’ WIVES
Everything’s alright, yes, everything’s alright, yes.
MARY MAGDALENE
Close your eyes, close your eyes, and relax
Keeping you both in our thoughts and sending positive energy to your ways.
I can only echo the sentiments posted above and praise both you Booman and you Susan for your determination and your ability to devote yourselves to the site and by extension to the rest of us.
Having had my own experiences with some seriously tricky and transformative aspects of life last year, it was pretty much all I could do to focus on the immediate needs that impacted my life directly. Fortunately there weren’t too many people depending on me for important things; (I had some clients for whom I was making furniture and cabinets, and they all had to wait a really long time, but most took it OK). In any case, we here will survive and I hope that you will not hesitate to devote all your energies to the immediacy of your own lives when necessary and that you will know that those of us here at BooTrib completely support you in that, and in anything else we might be able to be helpful with.
Booman and Susan, I have nothing other than to say what all the others have commented to y ou. I have been in both of your shoes and I do understand. I just want you both to be very good to yourselves and take your time to evolve thru all of this.
My love and support are always here for you, in cyberspace, as you both must surely know. I only wished I could be nearby you both to assure you that I am here/there with you during your times of sadness/happiness, which at sometime in all of our life come to deal with.
“PEACE AND LOVE” Always..your friend
I’m sorry both of you are having to go through the domestic strife thing. I hope that you both land on your feet, and are still talking to one another afterwords.
One of the reasons why I seem to gravitate towards this site, over other progressive competitors, is how openly human the regular contributors are to their readership. Not many of your stature would lay it out on the table for all to see. Thanks for your straight forward approach,it keeps me coming back for more.
Take care, and my thoughts and prayers are with Susan and her Mom at this time.
I’m sorry to hear of your troubles, Boo and Susan. Even though the events are vastly different, both can be devastating.
One thing that has always impressed me about you two is, beyond the professionalism, the humor and the ethics you bring to your work, there is the … well, what I classify under the overall term of “heart”, which is what I think is partially the reason for the success of the site.
Please take care of yourselves.
I’s sorry to hear that both you and Susan are going through such difficult times. I’ve had similar experiences, and I remember how stressful they were.
My thoughts are with both of you.
I’ve been blessed to be the beneficiary of a divorce. We’re further blessed by the fact that the first marriage had been more the result of habit and limited opportunity than any of the unhealthy attractions that have the risk of repeating themselves.
In our case we met at a folk dance and had a small community structure to see that we found each other. So there can be life–a really wonderful and complete life–eventually after a breakup.
I’ve not yet lost either parent so Puget4 assures me I haven’t a clue about coping with that.
You’re in our thoughts and/or prayers.
Boo and Susan,
So sorry to hear about the challenges you’re both facing.
Please know that we all are sending our positive thoughts and best wishes your way at this difficult time.
We’ll all be fine, and please feel free to check in as you feel the need or desire; we’re here for you in any way we can.
((((Susan)))) ((((Boo))))
I am very sorry for the troubles Boo and Susan are going through.
Please accept my thanks for making the ‘Frog-Pond’ what it is: a comfortable place in the madness of the Internet.
Even amidst your problems you can take comfort and even pride in what you have accomplished.
I know what it’s like to go thru a divorce. Even when you’re both kind to each other, it’s still an emotional roller-coaster.
I know what it’s like to lose a mother after a long illness. When she passed, it felt like an immediate relief then, the grief settled in and I mourned for months.
And, I’m moving on Dec. 1st — for the second time in six months. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be settled and secure…
This year, for the first time ever, Hubby and I will be having Thanksgiving without preparing a feast for children and grandchildren.
So while I’m packing and hefting boxes, while I try to prepare a meal for only two on a major feast day, while I’m rolling up and down the roads between here and there, I’m going to think daily and often of my virtual friends, Martin and Susan. I’m going to be sending little bursts of positive energy in your directions and wishing you both all the best.
May Yuletide bring us all more comfort and cheer than we’ve had recently.
wrap up what you need to do with the least amount of bad news, and with more understanding.
Best, blksista
I love this pond …. and all the life it holds.
We witness each others lives here … nothing is more sacred or conducive to the foundation of the true, trusting and peaceful global village.
Not ‘witness’ in the sense of testify .. or innocent witness …. but rather that of compassionate equals who know what befalls to one …. befalls to all.
This pond … and others of near proximity … are the early foundings of a true global Civilization.
Humanity is one family with one heart.
We are one.
Marked on my calendar. I expect some light beer as compensation for moving and hauling services.
you pansy-ass. You will have Stout and like it.
or my new friends in the Asian Mob/GOP will kick your ass. 15 frikkin’ courses of the best Chinese food I’ve ever eaten, you should’ve been there BooMan.
There is an old saying:
If your year ends like a lion… the new year will enter as a lamb.
May you both have all you wish for in the New Year.
it is said that when a marriage breaks up, god sheds tears. please both of you take care of yourselves.
So sorry to learn of this, Booman. Susan’s situation was known to many of us already.
You have both showed such immense strength already. You will come through – one day, even stronger than now.
Sending positive thoughts to both of you – I am familiar with both scenarios and know it is damned tough.
Booman, I’m very sorry to hear about both you and Susan. I’m sure that both of you will get through your repsective difficulties. I wish you both all the best. All here support you.
If I’m going to quote Shelley, let me add Coleridge:
Susan and BooMan
Many I know, myself included, have been through exceptionally challenging times the last two years.
I want to thank you both so much for your candor. I recently joined Boo Trib, rather than other progressive blogs, because I like the tone, ambiance, as well as the level at which things are discussed here.
Both of you have given so much to so many. Not only your professionalism, time and energy, but you are an inspiration for all of us on how to get through darker times. I for one tend to inertia and unproductive “funks”. My gratitude to you for sharing and energizing me to handle what I must. You guys are my heros!
Take whatever time you need for yourselves, and feel the warm karmic hugs being sent your way by everyone here.
Yeah. You are correct. My normal reaction is to go into a funk and get nothing done. I am usually better off doing something just to be active.
The problems of moving and getting reestablished could well be a blessing.
Booman, stay in contact here. Keep active. Susan, do the same. You both will want to avoid not acting and contact with others. Act. Do something and stay in contact with as many people as you can.
If you are an introvert, as I am, that will be hard to do. But it is healthy. Do it. Just act. Move. Contact others. Here or elsewhere. It will probably be harder for you, Booman, since you are male. Susan, you will do it easier, but make sure you do. It is important for both of you. The research suggests that men take about two years to recovers from a divorce and women take about six months to a year. But this is averages.
Both of you – take care of yourselves and be kind to each other. Do what you have to do and get through this miserable time. You have decided what has to be done. Do it quickly, be kind to each other, and finish it as soon as possible. Ignore any financial cost. Don’t win. Just finish the procedure. You have decided. Just end it. Don’t try to win.
You have decided to end your marriage. That is the key. Do it without winning. Do it for yourself, not to win.
Best wishes to you both, in your respective times of difficulty. Take whatever time you need, for whatever reason — we’ll keep the water fresh and the lilypads dusted here at the pond. And you know we’ll be here if you need us.
::hugs::
My sincerest sympathies to both of you.
Even when a divorce is obviously the correct thing to do, it is a miserable experience. But there is life after divorce. It just doesn’t seem like it while you are going through it.
The family problems Susan has will make it harder on both of you.
I’ll send some prayers your way. Both of you, and Susan’s family also.
Keep on being brave, and know that we all are behind you. My parents are still alive, though elderly, and I dread the day that I know will come.
I have been through a divorce, and my marriage too lasted 10 years. I was married in 1986 and divorced in 1996. Ten years in a marriage must be some sort of a significant number. Anyway, I know how hard it is.
All my best to both of you.
BooMan, all I can say is that my divorce was both (first) the most painful experience of my life and (later) the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s called rebirth: hang on.
Susan, thoughts and prayers coming your way.
Charlie Chaplin, Marx Brothers, and gardening highly recommended to you both.
Best wishes.
I can only echo what others have said above…I’m here and glad that this is place where we can support both of you.
Booman: Divorce – the separation, the hurt, the feeling of failure…yet there are pieces of that original love that stay like water color memories after many years. May you each move on to the next path in your lives, understand that living together doesn’t always work, but that there will always be part of them in your life. Cherish those good memories and let go of the bad.
Susan: Wrapping you and your mother in my love and understanding. A year of illness for my M-I-L before she died so we understand what you feel. Take care of yourself as well, as you care for your mom.
p.s. take care of your back Booman – get some help moving the boxes of books and stuff…
Sorry to be late with this.
My best to both of you. I know it sounds kind of inane but, this too shall pass.
Sometimes life just bites the wax tadpole.
Good luck to the both of you.
Thank you, everyone, for your wonderfully kind words.
You are our rocks. And, boy, do we need rocks right now.
Steady rocks! Like you!
It’s safe to say that what both Boo and I need at this point in time are gentle kindnesses and a temporary minimization of stress-inducing stuff, which would be so wonderful.
My mom can’t speak anymore … she barely opens her eyes and kind of indicates she hears us. She can’t drink or eat. She hasn’t eaten anything for many days, or drunk any water for two days. She gets little drops of water on her tongue.
If it were up to me, because she’s still so sharp — she was playing bridge just a couple weeks ago! — I’d hook her up to an IV and go all out. But this is out of my hands.
So, it’s required a lot of acceptance of the decisions of others.
My brother wanted to be with my mom today but he had to rush via ferry to Seattle to get his eighth blood transfusion this week…. his hemaglobin and platelet counts are dangerously low from the experimental drug they’ve been trying out on him. (It’s never been used on someone with stage 4 metastatic melanoma, but it’s like — why not try — so he is.)
A few days ago, he was so grey that it was scary. He was pinker a couple days ago, but had a bad time last night and this morning, so off they rushed to the hospital.
BooMan has been SO MUCH on my mind too … divorce is so difficult.
But I can reveal to you this much: He’s handled it with as much dignity and grace as anyone could muster. And he found a place where he can have his beloved BooMan (dog). That counts for a lot!
Love and hugs, Susan
And big thanks to both jpol and to steven d, who are the steady rocks we need so much right now, and who can fill in for us very professionally and with great contributions for us all.
Dear Susan,
I hardly know what to say, except that I’m so very sorry, and as another poster said, do take care of yourself during all of this. One of the best things I got out of certifying as an EMT was the rule of triage. Rule #1 – take care of yourself. Because if you don’t take care of you, you can’t take care of anyone else.
You (and Darcy!) are welcome in my LA home any time.
Boo, I knew something of Susan’s situation but not of yours. I’m so sorry. It can be civilized but it’s never easy…
Boo, Susan:
I am so sorry for the particular burdens you must carry right now. Life happens and frankly, it sucks. (Of course, I’d be a rich woman if I could answer why the hell life seems to happen all at once in some years.) Luckily, the burdens will not always be as heavy.
My smidgen of wisdom, FWIW: Take all the time you need to feel what you need to feel … but then do what you need to do. Trust that things will get better. Not perfect, but better.
We’ll keep it jumping at the Frog Pond. No need to worry about that.
My very best to both of you: hugs, kisses, prayers and best wishes.
:<)
2005 sucks big time.
Boo, though I’m still married (through dammfool stubbornness if nothing else), the spouse and I have been through several rough patches the last few years. I know that sometimes it’s best to cut your losses while you can still be civil.
And Susan, having been through my mother’s passing and my brother’s health crisis this year, I can understand where your energies need to be.
Don’t worry about us; we’ll keep the homefires burning for both of you… 🙂
Blessings and peace to you and yours…
and agreed… 2005 just sucked overall. Sigh.
To Boo and Susan, my wishes for peace to both of you.
You have both worked and built something special with this site, and I think you’ll find that the community will carry it in times when your attention is required elsewhere. It is a testament to your efforts. You’ve built a COMMUNITY here.
Thanks so much for all you’ve done so far, and take care both of you.
-chinook
Your honesty and openness is why this site is what it is. You and Susan have my 110% support always. Life happens, we adjust.
Dear Booman, I hope you will be able to live through this period with the same wisdom and equanimity you’ve shown since you created this wonderful meeting place.
As you’re moving to your new place, I think you will need some French recipes…
Cheers!
Sending my warmest thoughts to each of you. You make a difference in all of our lives. Peace.
Please know that you’re both surrounded by love and support, from people who genuinely care about you and the well-being of your loved ones.
From Robert Frost:
Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
You’ve reminded us of the importance of cherishing each moment with our loved ones. The upcoming months will be more difficult than not, but during those times, know that you’ve both had a profound impact on our lives. In turn, we’ll be there for you. Just say the word.
From William Blake
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour
Take good care of yourselves. All my best.
Well crap Booman…I stayed away from the site for most of the weekend so I missed this post until this morning. You might not even see this. I want you to know how deeply sorry I am for what you and Susan are both going through. I had no idea or I never would have bothered you the other night with my whining and trivial email.
Be well and know that you have one hell of a support group here.
Love,
Leezy