Just logged on for the second time today. The first thing that caught my eye was “Are You Racist?” by The Fat Lady Sings. Gave that diary a quick read, and am now angrier than I was earlier about a friend’s experience today.
My friend is from Africa. (She has not lived in the US long enough to become a citizen.) In addition to being a wife and mother, she is also looking for employment. She obtained an application at one of the local dollar stores at the other end of town, and asked me to drive her there so she could return the application. We both walked in, and she asked the person at the register if the manager was available, as my friend really needs the job.
We were told that the manager was unavailable, despite being told that was not the case earlier. My friend then asked for the number of the store, so she could call back to inquire about employment.
The person “working” actually said, “I don’t know the number here.”
(Yeah, right!)
The whole thing has really upset me. I mean, I know I have the tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt in situations, but that was beyond ridiculous. Especially since the employee did not realize that we were together and treated me courteously, as if I was a “real” customer.
continued
I had previously planned to diary about some of my experiences re: the characters that I have encountered when I lived in Southwest Detroit. Ironically between Corktown–originally settled by the Irish and Mexicantown–an area of Detroit w/a Hispanic population.
I absolutely do not care if a person has a different racial/ethnic background. And, for the life of me, I have a difficult time understanding why race/ethnicity is such a big deal to some. I have always felt that it is necessary to respect and appreciate each other. We are not in this alone…
Guess I was hoping that I could just have a few laughs about the past tonite. On top of the nuttiness that has been going on in my life, witnesssing this experience fell into the wtf? category.
Just had to write this. Feel a bit better now that I did, but not much…
maybe you should write a letter to the manager complaining about what you saw.
Heck, why not send a copy to the “parent company” as well?
That’s a thought….Just feel kinda down now…
I did that once, to a cop: followed up with a phone call.
The cop ended up in sensitivity training. heheh
this a while back, from a sensitivity training handout:
(The exercise goes on, but you get the idea)
Another even more timely suggestion for those who want to get serious about sensitivity: Put on eastern dress and go to the mall.
“Put on eastern dress and go to the mall.”
I am warning you Ductape, if this keeps up, you are going to get a bill for screen cleaning cause this is about the 15th time one of your comments has caused me to lose half my damn coffee on my screen.
You crack me up, eh.
lloll. 😉
“Another even more timely suggestion for those who want to get serious about sensitivity: Put on eastern dress and go to the mall.”
It’s December and snowing in the east so we don’t wear dresses right now. Ask me again in the summer dear.
Peace,
Andrew
LOL. Also in MI!
God! In other words, the cop got a few paid days off the streets.
But, back to my friend–we talked about it on the way back, and she actually laughed about how stupid the person who worked there was. I just told her to ask around (some of the other neighbors might know of something). I suggested that she’d actually be better off working somewhere else–I mean, she should not have to put up w/that kind of crap!
And that’s why I’m so down–I know that it is niave of me to think that we/society are/is past all of that nonsense.
Still think back to when I was in grad school–used to date a social worker w/a multi racial/ethnic background. He had to fill out paperwork from the State for his liscence. In the section marked race, he checked other and wrote human.
He later received a letter from the State w/another form, requesting that the information be re-sent–no such category (human) existed!
Thanks for the telling of your friend’s attitude toward the application question of race. I’m white and have done similar things to questions like that. I haven’t had much success in finding jobs through traditional means such as applications but maybe it planted a seed for change in someone along the system.
about the cop…the exchange between me and the police chief was pretty funny actually….under race, the cop had marked “American Indian”….in my first letter to the “Chief!””, I explained that I had never been to India, but was nevertheless honored that the cop had considered me to be of such noble birth (without bothering to ask)…anyway, it went on for quite awhile…filed here under “my letters to Chief Soandso”….
One thing we can count on to remain constant (besides the sticky-fixit-fatwa’s humor) is the ability of people’s ignorance to exceed our wildest expectations.
Well thank 3M for the humor, then, eh? 😉
For a short time in 94-95 when my wife and I were seperated, I dated a woman from Uganda. A wonderful woman btw. Very international.
At the time I was living in Emmittsburg, Maryland. Very near Camp David actually (how ironic). The first time I invited her to my home she declined to go because of the KKK. This woman, from Africa, knew more about the town I lived in than I did. I was struck by her unambivalent refusal. There were no two ways about it. She would not come, and we were close. Her fear, and it was fear, made me curious to say the least to find out more about Emmittsburg. It turns out that it has one of the largest populations, or concentrations I should say of KKK members. I knew of course that there were those with backward notions of race but thought it not so much more than anywhere else ( a whole other story and observation sadly) in the south or border states.
To end, I finally did see the KKK display itself with all it’s ugliness and hatred one day while driving into town with my children. At the light in town (yes a one light town ;o)) they were holding a rally. The most disturbing part was that they had thier kids participating, little white hoods and all. Right alongside thier Mothers with thier maternal white hoods. The impact of seeing a child with it’s Mother, both in white hoods, is beyond my ability to express right now. Needless to say, my children were full of questions immediately and long after. I had my work cut out for me. How do you explain such malevolence to a child? I chose the stark reality route.
Peace
I meant to add this because it is important. While Mothers and children were dressed in pretty white sheets, all the men were dressed in fatigues, carrying blackjacks and clubs. I’m sure they would have much preferred thier assault/hunting weapons.
It all speaks for itself, no?
Having dated men who were not white I certainly was angered and saddened by reactions of people I thought were friends. From being called names to implying I must have low self esteem or no respect for myself to date a ‘black’ guy(or a man who Native American, etc)to being a slut to having a low IQ-just some of the ideas tossed my way for my affrontery I guess to date people who weren’t white..pretty telling to find out just exactly what friends(well ex-friends then) really think about race matters when you date someone who isn’t the same as yourself and them. Overt or otherwise it was always disgusting all the way around to hear people spout shit like that.
Fear and insecurity. That’s what most of it is. The rest is hatred and ignorance.
I experienced the same thing…once… regarding my dating this woman, and it came from my own Mother. A person I thought to be the most progressive creature alive. When I asked her advice about my concerns for how to ease my children into the scary idea that I was seeing someone other than thier Mother, she thought it necesarry that I tell them before introducing her to them that my friend was black so as not to shock them! Huh?! Incidentely this is when I first became aware that my Mother knew really little about me and even less about the kind of children I was raising. This speaks to the embedded racism that we want to pretend doesn’t exist because it’s not necesarrily intentional.
‘Embedded racism’… You hit the nail on the head with that one. The embeddedness of race, class, sex differences… it all ties together. All bigotry.
…and I am an example of the worst offenders because of my whiteness, maleness, and my middle class employment. I’d be a liar if I said those traits were not within me. They are, and that’s really uncomfortable. But not half as uncomfortabkle as being on the recieving end.
They are within me too. I loved visiting my parents in CT and seeing such diversity over T-Day. But I also visited and stayed over (platonically) with my gay male friends semi-recently, and I hated the preconceived notions that popped up in me. I so did not expect what I felt, but I did. I hate that. I so hated that… those back-of-the-mind assumptions and bigotry. I hated having those thoughts in my head… Damn, did I hate that. But I am also thankful for being able to challenge myself and move beyond those stereotypes. Cuz they are just two people that love each other and that I love… That’s all that matters.
Love is all that matters.
Someone wiser than I said that somewhere ;o)
It will be a great day, or decade, or century I guess in the case of Americans, when love is all that will matter.
What a perfect concept.
Love is all that matters… so true. Thanks sweetie.
Nite Hon… I’m heading there.
The Colts are 11-0! The Colts are 11-0!
Right back at ya ;o)
Well done, Michael. . .
no wonder I love you so much.
My mom is a racist and a classist and a liberal. Go figure. So one day I asked her “Who would you rather I marry; a black attorney or a white garbage collector?” She refused to answer and said neither. I pressed the point because I wanted to know if she was more racist or classist. She finally picked the black attorney. I concluded that she was more classist than racist. 🙂
On the plus side, if we broke out of some of the racism we grew up with and we are teaching our children to do even more, maybe the day will come when people just see people.
For some reason your question to your Mom reminded me of something that the guy I married(now divorced)said to me way back when…and something I should have probably paid attention to…he asked me before we got married to promise him if I happened to cheat on him or leave him it wouldn’t be with a Black man or a woman….and that was apropo to do nothing to do with me but his apparent insecurities obviously. Sounds so ridiculous but he was so completely serious about this.
Had a blind dinner date w/an Afican-American guy this past summer. Fantastic guy, but we just didn’t click, the chemistry was not there. (Hate it when that happens!) Did we get the dirty looks from the next table!
Are there businesses in your community where there is a diverse workforce? If so, suggest to her that she apply at some of those.
If there is an area with other African immigrants, go there with her and get to know it, ideas and/or helpful people may pop up.
If there are social service orgs where you live who help immigrants of all flavors, call and ask if they have an employment department. Many do have these, and may be able to hook her up.
If she is seeking an “entry level” job at this point, larger companies might be a better bet. Once she is a bit more established and ready for something else, she will have a better idea of where to look for the next step.
I have to agree with the poster who suggests that this dollar store is not where she would want to be anyway, it sounds like it would be, at best, a small, hostile environment with no ameliorating relief from compatible fellow workers, and at worst, they might not pay her, expose her to harm, or even harm her.
Good idea re: larger company a/a more diverse workforce.
Racism, sexism, classism, ismism… bigotry in other words… is alive and well and living in America.
It also lives in other places and takes different forms. Take a look at France for instance. Or Germany. Or England. Or… any number of places.
The solution was right there as well.
You and your African friend walked into the store together.
That is the solution. We are the solution. Just as all politics is local, all true change is personal. Want to change a biggoted world? Live a life that is free of bigotry and live it publicly. Share it with all you come in contact with. You don’t have to shove it down their throats. Just live it freely, happily, openly.
I am a white male of mostly anglo-saxon descent. I grew up in a place where white male’s were the definite minority. I experienced what it is like to be on the receiving end. Perhaps I have a different perspective or more open eyes but I am here to tell you that you probably witness racism… or other forms of bigotry… everyday and just don’t realize that is what you are seeing. But it’s there nonetheless.
You walked into the store with your African friend.
That is the solution.
Peace,
Andrew
Our backgrounds are similar. (However, I am female.) And, although I live in the ‘burbs now, there are times when I think that I would not mind moving back to SW Detroit. (Most people think I’m nuts when I say that!) I moved out here for a combination of reasons. Other times I think that I want to move to the UP (Michigan’s Upper Peninsula) because it is more peaceful up there–quiet, rural, absolutely beautiful, you get the idea. Or Canada, I don’t know. Have the feeling that I’m moving up to a crossroads in my life…due for a change…
The UP is beautiful. Definitely a worthwhile trade for Toledo and a slightly delayed statehood.
My wife lived in Southgate for awhile. Before I finally convinced her to give us another try and move out here to upstate New York. That was ’bout 15 years ago now.
I met her in Marshall over near Battle Creek when I lived there for a few years. That’s where she is from. I’m originally from the southside of Chicago. Very different places.
I prefer the country and hills of the Taconic Range where I am now.
Peace,
Andrew
Been a dream for years. Just have to find a way to make it come true!
Thanks!
I have a sister that drives me up the wall with her bigotry. She seems to always have the need to identify a “black” or “Mexican” lets say Dr by those labels. Yet when she is talking of a white DR she never says oh this white doctor did…blah, blah, blah. She actually said over Thanksgiving that the whites are becoming extinct! Can you believe that? I had to get up and walk away before I lost it.
As far as I am concerned, the is only one race and that my friends is the human race.
Globally, white people constitute somewhere around 14-15 per cent of the population, and dropping, and the genes are recessive.
There are social anthropologists who will say that your sister’s reaction is a natural phenomenon, and one of the driving reasons behind the recent flurry of “white supremacy” in all its various guises and names over the last few centuries – a hard-wired primitive instinct.
There are others, however, who will point out that the Human Genome project has confirmed what many suspected, that since there is only about 2% difference in the DNA of a human being and a banana that white people do not in fact constitute a species, and so the species preservation instinct argument is bullshit, and that you are correct, there is only one race of humans, and those are humans.
This leaves your sister and those like-minded in the sad dish of plain old tribalism, which, unless she educates herself, could leave her in the even sadder position of becoming more extinct than she realizes.
The white people who will pass to their descendants, not their colorful hair and eyes and milky skins, but their love of music, their talent for language or carpentry, keen eye for color, whatever things that make them special to those who love them – the lucky ones who inherit those things will be the children of those who – quite literally, embrace diversity!
😉
I knew Leezy’s comment would catch your eye ;o)
I half agree with her sister. Not in a “oh my people, my poor people” way, but in the way you point out what small percentage whites, I mean we, contribute to the human gene pool.
Or maybe we’re more like the inhabitants of 65 million years ago and Leezy’s sister see’s the comet coming. I don’t know.
where float all those talents and skills and knacks I refer to in the previous, where nobody is so sure (at least at this moment) about recessive and dominant, you contribute as much as anybody else.
The blue eye may be recessive, but with a little nurture from grandma, the black one will have just as much sparkle!
Should I duck grandma?