Cape Kennedy, FL (UPSI) – The Bush administration today registered its extreme displeasure with the head of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. In the early dawn hours, NASA reported the successful liftoff of Trojan 1, a program designed to further the protection of the space shuttle’s solid fuel boosters. As the launch was performed on international AIDS Day, the Bush administration openly expressed anger over the message inadvertently sent to the rest of the world in regards to condom usage.
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White House spokesperson Scott McClellan stated, “This administration is all in favor of the protection of NASA’s astronauts but we would much prefer that NASA simply abstained from future missions rather than relying on external protection. It has always been our policy that this type of protection will just promote further risky endeavors.”
Trojan 1, a program undertaken in conjunction with Boing is exploring the possibility of prophylactic protection of the solid fuel rocket boosters with a durable, space-age disposable latex covering. Foam has lead to a disastrous outcome in regards to the Columbia disaster, and very nearly an unwanted outcome in the most recent shuttle mission.
NASA engineers also point out the added benefit of this concept should the shuttle encounter a premature discharge of the solid fuel rocket boosters as that which happened in the Challenger disaster. Trojan 1 explored the utility of NASA’s innovative reservoir tip for just such a scenario. It is felt that the reservoir would be able to contain any premature discharge until astronauts were able to pull out and abort the mission. Future missions are scheduled to explore the aerodynamic benefits of ribbing versus fluting.
White House spokesperson Scott McClellan again bristled at this concept. “This administration has made this very clear,” he stated, “The president is somewhat pro-choice, but he remains anti-abortion in most all situations. Abortions are a drain on our government and they just flat out send the wrong message. A lifetime commitment and preservation of the sanctity of the shuttle vehicle is by far the cheaper and better option.”
NASA administrator Michael Griffin stated that this morning’s launch apparently coinciding with international AIDS Day was merely coincidence. He stated that NASA really had no formal policy in regards to sexual activity and sexually transmitted diseases. He did, however, state that NASA remains on the forefront in the world in space-sexual exploration. Coed crews have afforded a wealth of classified information in regards to the logistics involved in interstellar copulation. When asked to comment about popular reports of a “100 Mile High Club”, Griffin smiled and simply stated “no comment.”
