I wrote this a long time ago; before the election, to be precise. Surprise surprise, it’s highly relevant yet again, thanks to shrubya. I hope you enjoy it. cross-posted from Dembloggers and A Faerie’s Farthing
Before the election, the story of three Medford, OR school teachers being evicted from a shrubya rally hit the news wires.
salon.com took it a bit further:
Our question is, why does the Bush-Cheney campaign assume people wearing shirts that say “Protect Our Civil Liberties” are opposed to the president’s re-election? Would the campaign welcome guests as obvious Bush supporters if they’re wearing shirts that say “Civil Liberties, Civil Schmiberties”?
And that made me write this Daily Showesque piece:
Taking a bold, new tack in the war on terror, president bush’s latest policy speech stressed the importance of “addressing the root causes of terrorism.” When asked about the policy shift, Bush explained that he’d “heard a lot of talk about this ‘reality-based’ thing on the internets. That sounded decisive; it appealed to me.” Bush said it was “disappointing” and not at all what he expected, but one of the ideas there really resonated with him: terrorism could better be addressed through policy and intelligence gathering, as opposed to war. He also related another insight, lamenting, “Turns out, I had ‘pre-emptive’ confused with ‘pro-active.’ I sure wish Laura’d told me sooner, but, hey – live and learn!”
He further stated, “After that, everything just clicked, you know? It’s so simple, I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner – if we stop doing what makes them hate us, they’ll stop attacking us!” He praised our progress in exporting democracy and fighting terrorism, but added that “We have more work to do. And it’s hard. Hard work.” But he was optimistic for the plan, saying that “luckily, we already have all the tools we need in the Patriot Act and the Department of Homeland Defense.”
“The thing is, you see, we have these monsters – these evil doers, these terrorists – who hate us because we’re free. Our freedom just makes them crazy, you know? So I’m gonna take away their reasons for hating us.” Under the new plan, Bush said the DHS would work closely with the FBI and the CIA in unprecedented surveillance efforts. He also mentioned that freedom of speech is the biggest concern, asking, “What kind of message does it give the terrorists if everybody gets to express their opinion and dissent all the time? It’s practically an open invitation to attack!”
The new strategy is already being successfully implemented, according to the President, who cited an example from his recent campaign stop in Medford, Oregon. Three teachers wearing t-shirts with a provocative slogan were evicted from Bush’s speech and faced arrest if they did not leave the grounds. “I couldn’t believe it…here we’re fighting this war against terrorists, who hate us because we’re free, and these women show up with ‘Protect our civil liberties’ written on their shirts! That’s exactly the kind of thing we cannot have – dangerous speech such as this. People have got to understand that to freedom-hating terrorists, ‘protect our civil liberties’ is very inflammatory speech. To say something like that at a political rally, of all places, is just reckless. It makes the terrorists hate us. It’s unpatriotic.”
He gave no further details of the plan, but stated triumphantly that “Freedom is definitely on the march!”