I have a million things on my desk today, you can’t believe how fast my new passive yurts are moving out of the warehouse headed to Afghanistan! I had to run out and turn the furnace off in the sweatshop just to keep them moving as fast as possible. KBR is soooo demanding so it isn’t like I have “employees” running across my borders or anything like that but Crabbin girl is in the middle of producing her second Hollywood film and she is sooooo demanding too. Since the ENORMOUS success of The FedEx Man Always Wears Shorts she seems to think she owns the world, or at least the red shag carpet and the hand held spotlight! She is on a tight schedule and an even tighter budget and she keeps trying to hire my sweatshop ummm employees right out from under me right now to do this stupid film. I already know that when it comes to yurt sewing ya’ll suck around here and the only way to save my yurt is to have you guys star in this stupid film. Be a damn friend okay and at least try to give me a hand here!
First off in a clear voice please read the following lines:
Well I’m gonna to go then! And I don’t need any of this! I don’t need this stuff, (pushes all of the letters off the desk), and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything except this (picks up the ashtray) and that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this! The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this! And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair
Now walk outside and say to your dog:
And I don’t need one other thing except my dog. (Dog growls) Well I don’t need my dog.
Other than that we just need a photo of you so if you would, please put on a robe and pull your pants down around your ankles and try to look something like this:
The last item I probably ought to mention is that there is one tiny little addition to your acting contract other than the usual slave wages and that is
