I received this press bulletin weeks ago and I was overjoyed.  The opening statement was “For Immediate Release.”  I meant to share it in the moment; however, my delight overwhelmed me.  I misplaced the pleasurable piece.  Nevertheless, the thought of it stayed with me.  I found my way to this announcement again.  Now, I am offering it with you in hopes that it might be genuine. 

You too may have acquired the same and dismissed it.  Possibly, you thought it to be only humor; however, I wonder.  Is it not accurate that all actions begin with a thought?  Might we not all think this to be true?  If we believe together, and if we all regard this as fact strongly enough, might it not come to pass?  Let us commune with the powers that be and hope that GW’s connection to God is no more influential than our own.

The document addressed the Outsourcing of our President, Bush Would Become A Statistic. 
After my initial read of this proclamation, I began waiting anxiously.  was supposed to be the day of action. However, nothing happened . . . sort of [See Article dated March 12, 2006, Feingold to call for rare presidential censure]

In this journalists’ copy, the media, the public, we, were told that the President of the United States was finally going to become one of us, an authentic US citizen.  He would experience life as we do, with no guarantees.  The concept of a “stable career” would be fleeting.  Plans were in place. The President’s job security was awash. 

Ultimately, King George II would lose his pension, health care, and perks.  The oft-mentioned “even playing field” that GW spoke of would be his reality, just as it is for the vast majority of Americans.  I was looking forward to the day; however, March 12, 2006 came and went. Perhaps, this was only a delay.

Truly, no time is needed to transition; we will be merely switching from one that knows nothing of Constitutional law, democracy, diplomacy, or the Geneva Convention to another.  Mr. Singh will serve us well, or at least as well as we have been served in the last five years.

President Bush would finally experience the “justice” he continually reflects upon.  He would be treated as we are.  That is fair.

George W. Bush would be visiting Iraq, a country he has long been obsessed with.  We are told the Iraqis are planning to welcome the former authoritarian.  Mr. Bush is expecting to receive a warm greeting.  He believes the Iraqis will welcome him with open arms and flowers, just as he thought the troops he commanded would be. Then he will be transferred to India where he will “work for a living”, a concept novel to this silver-spoon-fed-forked-tongue man.

In preparation, Mr. Bush made this excursion on March 3, 2006.  He flew to India, met with business leaders in that country and said, “For the sake of workers in both our countries, America will trade with confidence.”

This fiscally responsible autocrat, Baby Bush, is finally willing to cut expenses, the cost of a country doing business with Bushit.  This “compassionate conservative” will receive his reward when this truth comes to pass . . . George W. Bush “Outsourced to India.”

His legacy will be complete.  His desire to accommodate business interests only will be fulfilled.  It will be the best of corporate policies to outsource the costly profession of President of the “United” States.

The author of the following missive is unknown, I only wish it were me. I want to share what I believe is a brilliant writing.

Bush Outsourced to India

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America would be outsourced to India as of March 12, 2006. The move is being made to save the President’s $400,000 yearly salary, and also, a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

“We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant,” stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. “We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,” Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway or sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the office of President as of January 12, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. “Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the America Express call center”, stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. “I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday.”

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem, because Bush was not familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. “We know these scripting tools work,” stated the spokesperson. “President Bush has used them successfully for years.” Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the “down home” persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the Katrina situation. [See Video of Bush being warned of Katrina]

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately, he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Personspower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Personspower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at Box-Mart was suggested due to Bush’s extensive experience shaking hands and phony smile. Another possibility is Bush’s re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, Texas for a month, before being sent to Iraq, [for training] a country he has visited.

“I’ve been there, I know all about Iraq,” stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport’s terminal and gift shop. Sources in Baghdad and Fallujah say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.”

[I added the following for it seems the author never took GW to India, as his title intended; therefore, I will.]

After experiencing Iraq, Mr. Bush will be placed in his new position in India.  In preparation, he visited this area a week before the expected formal outsourcing.  Once employed in India Mr. Bush will answer telephone calls from Americans.  His words, likely, will not be understood easily.  No need to worry.  Mr. Bush often speaks and people wonder, “What did he say?” He is used to this by now, or is he?

There are times when his audience questions his words loudly, they protest and burn effigies. This is what occurred in the President’s most recent trip to India.  What can he expect when the President finds himself outsourced there?

–  Censure, impeach, or outsource this President. Let us act, the sooner the better.  Think hard dear reader, focus, concentrate, visualize.  Let us bring back what we believe in, “power to the people.” 

Further sources for your pleasure . . .

Betsy L. Angert Be-Think

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