Readers please note: The Internet Godfather series is best read while listening to this music.
Our story so far:
In Part I, Don Telco tells you to ‘wet his beak’ by paying him a fee for ‘protection’ of your internet shop. When you refuse, he posts Bruno at your door to delay people from entering. Faced with ruin, you give into the Don’s demands and agree to pay the fee, which has now doubled. As a consequence, you have to fire your employee Vito.
On Monday morning Bruno shows up at your store to collect Don Telco’s fee. You hand Bruno the money, expecting not to see him again until next month.
Yet Bruno doesn’t leave. He simply walks outside, takes up his usual place in front of your door, and continues to delay customers from entering, although not quite as rudely or for as long as on Saturday. Like Saturday however, Bruno continues to let some of your more wealthy customers bribe him to get in more quickly. As each customer enters, he hands them a flyer.
You walk outside to confront Bruno. Standing face to chest, you look up at the impassive, jowly mug and say, “Hey what is this? I thought we had a deal.”
Not even bothering to look down at you, Bruno stares straight ahead and grunts, “What deal?”
“What deal? I just paid you Don Telco’s fee. Why are you still here?”
“You only paid for da Bronze service” he says impatiently.
“What’s the Bronze service?” you ask, not really wanting to know the answer.
Bruno explains, “Da Bronze service entitles you to a greeter, dat’s me, at your door.”
“But I don’t want a greeter,” you say.
A slight grin cracks Bruno’s otherwise impervious countenance, “Well den, you’ll just have ta sign up for a betta class a service.”
“What do you mean ‘better class of service’?”
Bruno, who has been taking a night class called ‘Marketing for Thugs’, enjoys using his newfound education. He looks down at you and flashes a practiced, yellowy, gap-toothed smile.
“See, dere’s four classes of service, Bronze, Silver, Gold, and Platinum. You got Bronze Service.”
“What’s Silver Service?” you peevishly ask.
“Silver Service I let ’em in faster, and dey don’t pay me as much ta get in right away.”
“And Gold?”
“Gold I just stop people ta give ’em a flyer, den I let ’em in for free.”
“What’s on the flyer?”
“Just ads for some a da other stores in da neighborhood. See, we have what dey call dis ‘ad exchange’ program. You can sign up for it if ya want. Don’t cost dat much.”
Now you’re mad. “Wait a minute!” you holler. “You mean you’re showing MY customers ads from other people’s stores before they come in here?”
“Of course, all part of da new service,” Bruno beams.
You want to tell Bruno what he can do with his new ‘service’, but your instinct for self-preservation deters you. You calm down just enough to growl, “Well what service do I need to get you to go away?”
“Oh dat’s our Platinum Service, but you can’t afford dat. Dats only for da big shots.”
Fuming, you walk back inside your shop and look around. All the hard work you spent building up your business over the years is about to be ruined by Don Telco and his new service. You’ve got to do something. But what? Then you remember your friend Sally who owns another small Internet store down the street. Surely Sally has also had a visit from Don Telco. Maybe she’ll have an idea what to do.
You call Sally up on the phone. “Sally, it’s me. I need to talk to you about…”
“Not over the phone,” Sally quickly interupts. “They’re listening. Come down here and we’ll talk.”
You close up your shop (nobody coming in anyway), and head over to Sally’s. As you walk down the block, you notice people freely entering the big mega-portal across the street.
“No Brunos there,” you mutter.
You get to Sally’s shop and sure enough, Bruno’s brother Butch is stationed outside. You wait in the short line for what seems like forever until finally Butch, with a nasty glare, lets you in.
Sally, who is busy helping one of the few customers in her shop, glances over and throws you a knowing wink. You sit down and wait for Sally to finish up. After the last customer leaves, Sally locks the front door on Butch, who stares through the window pane inquisitively.
Sally motions for you to come in the back room, and you follow without a word.
“Ol’ Don Telco showed up at your place too, huh?” she whispers.
“Yeah.”
“Did you pay him?” she asks.
“Yeah, and then I had to let Vito go.”
Sally looks at you sympathetically. “Oh you poor thing.”
You’re confused. “Why? Didn’t you pay?” you ask.
“Nope.”
Your feel your face redden. “You always were stronger than me, Sally.”
“No. Just a little more stubborn, that’s all. Listen, we don’t have much time. There’s a meeting tonight at the old forum. Can you make it?”
“Sure. You going?”
“Yeah.”
“I could pick you up,” you say hopefully.
“No, its better we’re not seen too much together right now. The meeting’s at 7:30.”
“Ok, I’ll see you there.”
“Not if I see you first,” Sally smiles.
You walk out of Sally’s store, past Butch, and down the street. You look over your shoulder to notice Butch staring back at you. He has a pad and pencil in his hand.
Then Butch writes something down.
End of Part II
(Originally posted at Hoot at the Dark.)
