With a nod to Winston Churchill, we salute the doughboys and girls of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders who, when they don’t rush to the emergency room with a splinter in their fingers or faint at the sight of an ingrown hair, fight valiantly until death or dinner (whichever comes first) to achieve victory in Iraq. Full of advice and other waste material, they patrol the perilous frontlines of the media, sparring with the the fifth columnists in an effort to keep America safe.
Their mantra:
“We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in the United States and only the United States, we shall salute those departing to fight on the seas and oceans for each one means we don’t have to ship out, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength over the ‘net, we shall defend our island paradise with Herculean bitch-slaps, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the airwaves, we shall fight on the printing presses, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets (as long as it’s not to hot ’cause we get rashes), we shall fight in the bandwidth; we shall never surrender, and even if, which we do not for a moment believe, this country or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by our keyboarding comrades, would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the New World Order, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of us, the imperial guard.”
And here’s the Queen Bee for these word wankers:
Ann Coulter
September 12, 2001
“We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren’t punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That’s war. And this is war.”
Glad to see Ann being so Jesus-like in her Christian outreach efforts. But more importantly, note her patriotic use of ‘we’ when detailing her desired military response. Not that she is going to join up and actually participate. No, let the so-called hillbillies and the minorities get whacked and wounded while she dictates battle plans from some swanky, upscale bar. You see, camouflage was long ago crossed off her list. It just wouldn’t be right for her to join the real fight dressed in a montage of colors that don’t become her. Apparently, she’s holding out for Versace or Donna Karan to do a military clothing makeover. In the mean time, she’ll aid the war effort and her bank account by comprising lists of heroes and traitors. After all, enduring a pie in the face every now and then is invincible evidence that she’s doing her part. What more does a gal have to bear? Heck, she’s already weathered a chancy bikini waxing followed by the precarious application of a bald eagle tattoo in the same area. Watch the eagle flap it’s wings as Coulter magnanimously opens and closes her ‘pins’ like a cash register each time she secures another paid, uh, I mean, patriotic television or radio appearance to call them as her pimps dictate. Now, that’s allegiance to the cause.
The cause of Ann’s bank account.