Progress Pond

You Do Not Understand! Communities and Communication ©

Betsy L Angert


This post was written for the family at My Left Wing.  I believe what occurs there is universal.  Thus, I think sharing it here is apt.  We all struggle to communicate well, to get along with our neighbors.  Kos, My DD, Booman, and the Village Blue too are diverse communities of people with similar focuses; yet, at times, our differences are more visible.  Therefore, I think people here might be as interested in inviting a dialogue as individuals are elsewhere.

This was intended to be a short statement, a response to a discussion.  I was writing a missive on the subject, similar in scope, though not in tone.  My intention was to offer a well thought out essay.  I was going to present political posturing as evidence for what we as humans do.  However, once the comment was complete I concluded the personal might be more effective.  
I wrote more than I thought I might and realized, as an observation tucked neatly within a thread few would read this.  I think this treatise addresses more than what takes place at My Left Wing.  It speaks to an archetype.  This essay looks at communities and communication within these.  My experience and sharing is likely applicable to world politics and to national interests.  This tome is about life, yours, mine, and ours.  It discusses what we do to destroy the connections we as living, breathing, and loving beings crave.

I invite you to share your stories, your thoughts, the lessons you learned.  Teach me; I am your student.

I wrote more than I thought I might and realized, as an observation tucked neatly within a thread few would read this.  I think this treatise addresses more than what takes place at My Left Wing.  It speaks to an archetype.  This essay looks at communities and communication within these.  My experience and sharing is likely applicable to world politics and to national interests.  This tome is about life, yours, mine, and ours.  It discusses what we do to destroy the connections we as living, breathing, and loving beings crave.

I invite you to share your stories, your thoughts, the lessons you learned.  Teach me; I am your student.

Originally, Dear gottlieb, my mentor, teacher, and inspiration . . .

I know I have said this to you before, still, it bears repeating.  I love you.

This salutation has now been extended to include all of you.
Dear humans, sponges that absorb, spatter, and then . . .  

Until this morning, I truly had no idea of the depth of what was going on.  I tend to live in la-la land.  I am naïve and proud of it.  More than a decade ago I realized my impression of the utopia that exists on Earth was incorrect.  I truly thought the only one hurt, or less-than-perfect was I.  

I have since discovered that we live in a world of walking wounded.  I still tend to gravitate to my belief that all are perfect and that I am the only one that is not; however, that is another story and a personal evolution.  My path is an important one, some say instructive, and I will share some of it in a future missive. Actually, that treatise is beginning now.

This thread and other occurances took me away from my writing.  That is good.  I experience we need to be open to what comes, for whether we want to believe this or not, we are all part of a community.  It is not a choice; it is life.  Look out your window; you have neighbors.  No matter how far removed you might physically be from them, they are there and they will be part of your life.  These other individuals are your teachers and your students.  We learn from each other.  That is the best.

When we accept the void of what is in our own mind we know very little.  People will never perceive life as we do; they cannot.  They are not we, me, or us.  Our experiences vary.  Our interpretations of these are unique.  The way in which we internalize is individual.  What another says of our opinions is not to be taken personally; it is their observation and interpretation.  Their own history influences their reality as does ours; that is important to recognize.

If we are to learn, we must explore what we do not yet know.  We must reflect, without mirroring what we disdain.

After reading Sunday’s thread, I was very confused.  I asked of yesterday’s discussion, the Meta, what Meta? Myleftasscheek kindly gave me a referral to Saturday’s thread.  This morning I began reading the discourse.  I was told the Saturday massacre was settled; however, I knew from my reading on Sunday it was not.  

Myleftasscheek who I love deeply, in the Saturday discussion wrote a thought or two that took me to a place.  “I try not to be outright nasty to ANYONE unless they have thoroughly pissed me off.  Take me as I am.”  Tony Seybert and I had been discussing similar thoughts the day before.  Tony and I wrote of anger and peace.

It is so sad to me.  People, as part of the animal kingdom are like all animals, gregarious.  They crave community and yet they do everything to destroy it.  Years ago, I was in the weirdest relationship; it was so strange I did not know I was in one.  Might the word “strained” be a better assessment of this connection.  His words and actions hurt me deeply!  I reacted.  With each of my rejoinders, he would retort in kind, in opposition.  We each continually inflicted pain on the other, mostly through our words or the lack of these.

This man was not from a world I have never known; nor had I imagined such a station.  He was the black to my white; he saw unhappiness where I saw joy.  Yes, he is a Republican and I am proudly, left of left.  [Interestingly, when we discussed politics, it was fun; neither of us took those talks personally.]  Within days of meeting this man, I realized he was my mirror [opposite].

Our perception of the world could not be more different; yet, we were the same, reversed.  We expressed our insecurities in very different manners.  He presented ego strength, or the appearance of it.  At that time, I did not know I was strong; I only knew that I trusted my beliefs and feelings and shared these openly.

Ultimately, loving this man so much and wanting to understand what I had never experienced, I read.  I learned a greater empathy.  I grew to understand that we all are very fragile souls and we must honor this.  No one can anger me; it is my perception of where they are and what they are doing that causes me pain.  

I need to ask them of their intent.  I need to work to understand who they are and where they are.  Where they were and how that has affected them is important.  What are they hearing, feeling, thinking?  Without that information, I know nothing other than the void of my own mind.

If I speak of what I know, my feelings, thoughts, and observations, and share these with love, and a sincere desire to understand all is different.  After much learning, I acknowledged that I must not be intent on attacking and rarely did another person mean to hurt me.  If I feel upset because of what they say or do, that is within me.

They cannot “take me as I am,” for as close as we may be, they do not know me, my core!  No one does truly, not even me.  I know not of others, I only comprehend that I am extremely introspective.  In every moment, I learn more about me.

That is what learning is.  You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way. – Doris Lessing [Persian (Iranian)-born British writer.  Concerned with people caught in the social and political upheavals of the 20th century.]

My parents after three decades of marriage experience the same.  They are still learning of the other.  My cousins have been together for sixty years; they too are continually discovering what they never imaged of the other.

With this man, as I changed, all else changed.  At one point, he, a man known for his aloofness, said to me, “I am really fucked up.”  We all are in our own ways.  When we witness others, we are looking within ourselves.  Do we like what we see?  

We are here together.  We will get what we give.  When someone seems to be intentionally hurting us, I think we must recognize, that is our feeling, our perception, and our reality.  Thank you G-man.

I have learned that those in pain pour it out onto others.  For me, this is so sad.  I have done this a zillion times.  When I was in pain, I would pour it out.  That brought me greater angst.  It alienated me from those I love.

Now, I work to recognize that those that habitually cause heartache are doing as is familiar to them.  Anguish is the life they know.  They are doing what was done to them.  They do not understand how to do otherwise.  Please recognize you, whoever you are, are their teacher.  If you want them to learn of love, you must share with them lovingly.

I could go on, though I have said too much, probably without saying anything at all.  Please tell me of you.  Where might my thoughts have taken you?  What are you thinking, feeling, what would you wish to say or do?  We are a part of a community.  I ask that we communicate as such.

Instruction begins when you, the teacher, learn from the learner; put yourself in his place so that you may understand . . . what he learns and the way he understands it.   – Soren Kierkegaard [1813 – 1855, Danish Writer during the “golden age.”]

Please puruse . . .

Betsy L. Angert Be-Think

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