Progress Pond

BREAKING NEWS: Prosecutor Ruins Fitzmas

You can all put away the Fitzmas decorations. A viscious right wing conspiracy known to some idiots as “reality” has once again made a mockery of the predictive ability (also sometimes referred to as the tin foil thought process) of our dear Assistant Supreme Leader.

Personally, I have never been more embarrassed, except for the time I was outed by my first wife for sticking my thumb up my own a** to see if if I could simulate the experience of a**l sex (I know what you are thinking–but this was simply RESEARCH for an as yet unpublished novel).

Apparently, my thumb lacks the girth required for statistical validity. My unpublished novel lacks “realism” according to all 74 jerkoff editors who to date have rejected my gay masterpiece. Hey, you dont have to be a criminal to write crime stories, do you?

They just dont understand my version of fantastical neo realism, thats all.

Yeah, and Einstein worked at the post office or somewhere too. Moral: just because you have figured out the very foundation of the universe doesnt mean you are necessarily entitled to be a regular on the recommended list, not to mention EVER make the frontpage, where until very recently we all had to read about “Fitzmas” “this Friday , no next Monday, maybe Wednesday”.

Here at the BT, more newbies are coming to this site every day, and who knows, one of them might be an editor for a book publishing house who knows exactly what it feels like to have his own thumb stuck up his a** and who therefore might be willing to give Donkeytale the book publishing contract he so richly deserves. But how can my Important Work ever be taken seriously again now that this website has been denigrated once more by all the embarrassing tin foil hattery tossed around so blithely by its assistant proprietor and bossman?

He’s too busy running down all the outing Ar**ndo diarists to see that he is just as FoS as any of us are, the only real difference between him and us being that he is An Important Blogger and that we are not.

Sure, he got the information on the “pending” Rove indictment from another blogger, not a real journalist, so how can we blame him? Everybody outside of the bloggers themselves know that blogging is not same as journalism, but he is a good guy, a trusting soul (after all he’s reinstated donkeytale at least twice), and he went with his gut…..blame the NYT or the WaPo for this outrageous abuse of prosecutorial indiscretion…..not the blogosphere.

Blame it all on the SCLM, the Reptublicans and Mark Warner. Arm**do its your fault since like Fitzgerald you are nothing but a sleazeball lawyer. Why you even worked for Wal Mart you piker!

Never blame the blogosphere. We are nothing but anonymous anomalies of amateurish auto eroticism.

Nothing more and nothing less.

Pardon me. I have some more research to do…and no, Dr. Soling, I have not been smoking hashish this morning. Its way too early yet….

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