* Surgeon Generals Warning* (for the uninitiated– this diary drips with venom, sarcasm and snark. The Booman Tribune does not endorse the diarist, does not endorse any of his personal habits nor a single word of the following. Reading this diary will not make you laugh, will likely undermine your morals and your sexual health as well as “dumb down” your obviously superior intellect. Make comments at your own risk.)
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First, let me just say how gratified I am that my fellow frog ponders have drafted me, donkeytale, to craft our website’s reply to the scurrilous excuse laden wussified memo sent to us by the kossacks in response to the torrent of outraged criticism levelled at the Big Orange by the little green for so clearly and painfully obviously selling their souls to the devil in Las Vegas last weekend, as reported in glorious detail by all major news media outlets.
I was selected for one reason and one reason only and that is because I, donkeytale (nee pete richards), have been guilty of selling my soul to the Devil on any number of occasions, and so can empathize in the correct progressive tradition of always extending empathy toward the enemy. Curiously, each time I sold my soul, for some reason, the Devil or his media consultant quickly arranged to let me have title back.
I think I may have even been termed an ingrate, or words to that effect. Who woulda thunk the Devil would be just as thin skinned as your run of the mill mildy left wing political blogger? Troll rated me right out of Hades he did. 666 times.
Well, f*ck old Beezlebubba as I like to call him, for today we have a much more evil presence in our midst with which to deal, the Almighty Kos Monster itself, a twelve million headed gargoyle of apparently uniform support of some guy named Warner from Virginia.
I find it difficult to express my outrage, my indignation, my complete flabbergastedness, at our receiving a memo which purports to speak for 12,000,000 page views per year as if they were all in solidarity over there. As if. DUH!
But how can you completely turn away from your mildly left wing progressive political ideals and throw your support behind Warner NOW??!!??Just for a few free drinks and canapes??!!?? I always suspected you kossacks of being a bit light in the loafers, if you know what I mean. Your supposed to make the swine pay up in the hundreds of thousands, not just a provide a few crappy generic brand cocktail parties.
(How were they by the way? Did Warner really put on the dog? Real Food Network like food or just those ugly little dried up wienies wrapped in pie crust?)
Uh, earth to kos…its way too early to sell out yet….the 2008 election doesnt take place for 2 1/2 more years….get Jesse Jackson to give you some pointers on how to truly shake down the bozos before you schedule next years event, which someone tells me is going to be held at a baseball park in the middle of an Iowa cornfield? WTF???
And why throw your support behind some old Reptublican warhorse who has seen his best days way way back in the rearview mirror?
I mean after all, he WAS once married to Elizabeth Taylor, sure, give the guy his props, but wtf?
As anyone who read Eddie Fisher’s autobiography (like my mother Donkette for instance) will tell you straight up, Liz was a bit of a handful in her day.
Oh well, at least Warner had the good sense to dump her out on her fat a** as quickly as he did once he caught onto the prima donna act.
Jeesh, he could have saved himself a lot of time and trouble before marrying the aging starlet simply by purchasing donkeytale’s complete GBCW diary collection (available only online at Powells for $6.66, plus shipping and handling). A careful reading of my ego-drug-and alcohol induced powertrips would have given him a cautionary sense of the harmful effects of prima donnaism on the life of a true public servant.
Rumor has it that Liz has even stopped den mothering Michael Jackson’s cub scout troop and no longer does anything but sit inside her huge Bel Air Mansion all day, popping sleeping pills, swilling Dom, and hitting on the hired help.
She’s already married and divorced the carpenter, the flooring installer, the cabana boy and now it can be revealed……Arthur Gilroy, who was doing a little handy man work at her luxe manse between gigs when he found himself stuck out on the coast a few years ago after that whole latin jazz thing went “poof”.
Even Arthur couldnt take it when that piker Antonio Banderas was revealed to be a “lip syncher.”
Thank God AGs come back to the east coast where he can enlighten us all on a regular basis without all those cloying faked up tricked up hollywood h*gs chasing his a** all over their well appointed boudoirs…
Thanks AG. Thanks for everything.
So in closing, let me just state unequivocally for the record………hi my names pete and im an internet junkie!
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