Like many, for years I’ve likened the neoconservative Bush administration to the Big Brother government of George Orwell’s 1984. Lately, however, the denizens of Neocon Land remind me more of the works of Lewis Carroll.
A 19th century author, mathematician and logician, Carroll is best remembered for his wonderful novels Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. His last major work was The Hunting of the Snark. Carroll’s particular brand of “snarkiness” consisted of portraying absurd characters whose behavior and speech were patently illogical and contradictory.
Here are a few of my favorite absurdities ground out by the Bush Mill over the past week.
Another Bag of Krauthammers
Columnist Charles Krauthammer, darling of the neoconservative and Zionist intelligentsia, wrote a piece for the Washington Post that outlined the gruesome consequences of conducting air strikes against Iran.
Iran would close the Straits of Hormuz, through which 40 percent of the world’s oil passes. Oil prices could climb to $150 per barrel, causing a global recession. The U.S. Navy would suffer significant casualties trying to re-open the Straits and America would be even more diplomatically isolated that it is now (if such a thing is possible.)
But guess what? Krauthammer says that’s preferable to the consequences of “doing nothing.”
That’s the very same illogic he used to help convince America to invade Iraq. Between bombing Iran and doing nothing exists a broad spectrum of options, all of which would produce superior results to the two options Krauthammer frames. And even if there weren’t a broad range of option, doing nothing is usually better than doing something stupid.
In a worst-case scenario, Iran might have a handful of big Cahunas in five to 10 years. We deterred the Soviet Union from using its robust nuclear arsenal for a half century. We can deter Iran forever.
Compare that worst-case scenario with Krauthammer’s preferred version of things: the mighty U.S. navy limps its way out of the Gulf after a duke-em-out with a third rate nation’s coast guard and everybody starts riding horses to work.
Still Smoking Crack About Iraq
Thomas E. Ricks of the Washington Post was among mainstream media reporters who filed stories on a classified intelligence report that gives a grim prediction on Iraq’s Sunni populated Anbar province. Local governments have collapsed, the area is under control of al Qaeda, and the U.S. military is unable to bring the area under control because of insufficient troop levels.
Marine Major General Richard C. Zilmer, commander of U.S. forces in Anbar, said he agreed with the report, calling it “frank and candid.” But then he said, no, he has plenty of troops to complete his mission.
The problem is that his mission isn’t to bring Anbar province under control. His mission is to train Iraqi police to bring the province under control. These would be the same Iraqi police who are said to be infiltrated throughout by Shiite militiamen and criminals. Yeah, they’ll get things under control, all right.
According to the New York Times, tribal leaders in Anbar have now agreed to join forces to fight al Qaeda and other foreign terrorists in their region. A senior al Qaeda leader has swron to “kill tribal leaders who are helping the Americans.”
What’s General Zilmer’s overall assessment of the situation? “I think we’re winning this war.”
Kink Kong versus Kongress
In November 2005, after the discovery that the CIA was running secret prisons in Europe, young Mister Bush told the world that “We do not torture.”
Now he’s pressuring Congress to pass legislation to make the torture he’s been conducting legal, and that will grant amnesty to everyone who’s been doing his torturing for him.
He also wants Congress to re-write international treaties that will, among other things, allow him to try so-called “enemy combatants” by military tribunals that are prohibited by international treaties.
How does he justify this desire? Well, shoot, the combatants were conducting war in violation of, uh, international treaties.
So… Who’s got to face military tribunals again?
The Other Gorgeous George
Republican Senator George Allen of Virginia has been among the most loyal of Mister Bush’s liegemen, backing nearly every initiative the administration has pushed. Sunday, during a debate with Democratic challenge Jim Webb on Meet the Press, Allen described himself as “rebellious” and “anti-establishment.”
Yeah. He really said that. On national television. And I think he was being dead serious.
Now there’s march hare madness for you.
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Commander Jeff Huber, U.S. Navy (Retired) writes from Virginia Beach, Virginia. Read his commentaries at ePluribus Media and Pen and Sword.