[Some of these pictures may get frogmarched pretty quickly, so I’m just putting smaller versions on Image Shack… I’m also putting links to the larger ones to my website… Sorry for the low quality and the discontinuity of clicking back and forth if it happens…]
The Horde of the Bling takes place in a land called Muddled Earth. A population of short, fattened, electrolized footed peoples called Head-bobbits live in blissful ignorance of the world around them. One of the great leaders and adventurers of their time is Daddy-o Bagman, father to the hero of the story, Fraud-o Bagman. One of Daddy-o’s deepest and darkest secrets is the bling. The bling is all powerful, and controls everything… Corrupting absolutely anyone who seeks to possesses it.
The bling is hidden away by Daddy-o until the fateful day that his longtime friend, the Wizard Tom-dolf arrives saying that it must be returned to destroy the all powerful Abro-man.
Daddy-o is old and cannot set out on the fateful journey… with reluctance, he turns over the bling to his son Fraud-o.
Fraud-o then sets out with the help of his longtime friend Scam-wise Rovie and the other two Head-bobbits, Mehlly and Trippin in an effort to return the bling and destroy Abro-man.
Tom-dolf recruits others to assist the Head-bobbits in their quest, and the Fellowship of the Bling is formed…
Joining the Fellowship is Bolti, Scum of Groin…
Leggy-lass, the acid tongued androgynous elf…
…and Rum-all-gone, the erstwhile warrior.
During their long journey the Fellowship encounters many perils, including conflicts with Scanlon-Wormtongue, a servant of Abro-man.
The Fellowship becomes divided, with the Head-bobbits separated from the others… forced to face the evil minions of truth and justice on their own…
Fraudo and Scam-wise face possibly the worst danger of the entire group as they are forced to rely on the assistance of the grossly misshapen creature, a former Head-bobbit now called Chenum.
Chenum is driven to wrest control of the bling from Fraud-o and wants the “precious” all for himself.
In the end, the Fellowship is largely successful in getting the bling back to Abro-man, but he is not destroyed, and instead seems to become more powerful in imprisonment. The Head-bobbits return home to their beloved Muddled Earth with its fate in the uncertain balance of their being able to make sure that Fraud-o lives…
[EDITOR’S NOTE:
This was originally meant to be my big stupendous follow-up to the Wizard of Oil last year. My original thought was to basically rewrite the movie script or the book and adorn it with these pictures. I worked on the pictures about eight months ago as the Abramoff thing was breaking, so that’s why some of them are a little crude. As I got into the movie scripts, I found… surprise surprise… that for an action movie there weren’t a lot of memorable lines to play around with. So my next thought was “Aha! I’ll just go back to the original book!”
Another bad surprise… although I read the whole series a couple of times when I was younger , I’d forgotten how boring, IMHO, a writer J.R.R. Tolkien really was… don’t get me wrong… he painted some wonderful and imaginative images with his prose… but if I had been his editor I think the whole trilogy could have been compressed into a “Gone with the Wind”-sized novel.
So now I’m stuck with all these pictures, and nowhere to go with it… In a last-ditch effort, I had the bright idea of doing my own little thing written in Limerick form… after a few fits and starts with four or five very tortured poems I tossed that idea. Trust me, the verses sucked…
So now I’ve got a concept and great eye candy that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into with no venue. Honestly, the pictures have been hovering over the recycle bin on my hard drive for the last eight months, and I just didn’t have the heart to toss them after the work I’d put into it…
Then… like a glimmer of hope in the all seeing eye of Sauron, along comes the honorable little Ricky Santorum of Pennsylvania… thanks Rick! This one’s for you! I’m sorry I didn’t have time to give you a bit part on such short notice… in garnetdonkey’s excellent rescued diary about your concept this morning, I voted for you as “some random ork”… so maybe if I get a chance, or find a nice picture of an orc I’ll sticky you in there… on the other hand, as bad as the race is going for you, and as quickly as your time is coming, it’s probably a moot point.
Once again, thanks little Ricky! It was a great concept, but you just had your theme and roles a little mixed up… On the other hand, it occurs to me that I actually thought of this first… you haven’t been having the government browse my hard drive… Have you?]